Will receive my SN on the 22nd and will ctb at night

[TerminalVelocity]

I bought sn from la and I am counting down the days until the 22nd which I receive it.

I had a surgery in my glutes a year ago that completely destroyed me. I put all my hopes in it and threw away my old SN back then because I sincerely believed it would help. I've been nearly bed ridden for two and a half years. My girlfriend dumped me a week ago for another guy but good for her. She set me free finally and I can finally ctb.

I can not sit or walk or stand or lie down without intense pain.

I hate to ruin Christmas for everybody but I can not wait any longer. Especially for my dad who's far away leaving me in his own house.

I have my meto and I have famotidine. I couldn't get beta blockers.

My friend will be on the phone with me comforting me on my way out.

I hated every minute of this past 2 and a half years.

I hope I can attain my peace on the 22nd at night.

I'm really scared of it failing because I do not have health insurance.

I'm gonna follow stan's guide and hope that my exit will be swift and somewhat peaceful.

i hope I don't freak out too much. I don't know if you should ban me if I don't come back. It's up to you.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Health problems are the fucking worst and I'm starting to grow a bitter hatred towards some doctors. I hope everything works out

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Nobody should have to live in pain.

I hope you find peace soon.

 

[TerminalVelocity]

Health problems are the fucking worst and I'm starting to grow a bitter hatred towards some doctors. I hope everything works out

I absolutely hate doctors. I spent over $25k pursuing treatment. I'm always cranky because my tailbone burns 24/7.

Nobody should have to live in pain.

I hope you find peace soon.

This amount of chronic pain is enough to drive the strongest person insane.
I really want my peace soon. I'm glad my friend will let me ctb with her on the phone so I don't leave the world lonely.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm glad my friend will let me ctb with her on the phone so I don't leave the world lonely

That's very kind of her.

I'm mostly like going to be with someone when they ctb, before I follow suit too.

 

[TerminalVelocity]

That's very kind of her.

I'm mostly like going to be with someone when they ctb, before I follow suit too.

Extremely kind of her. I kept telling her she didn't have to but she said she would be forever guilty if she let me go on my own.

I hope you find peace and comfort as well

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I absolutely hate doctors. I spent over $25k pursuing treatment. I'm always cranky because my tailbone burns 24/7.

Relatable. I spent a bit over $20k this year alone on insurance premiums and doctor visits. Some of them can be smug, arrogant pricks

 

[TerminalVelocity]

Relatable. I spent a bit over $20k this year alone on insurance premiums and doctor visits. Some of them can be smug, arrogant pricks

Actually adding up travel costs it goes up by a lot. I really hope we can gain peace and not have to do this anymore. I personally believe in the afterlife. I hope I will gain my peace.

 

[justamortal]

nobody should live in painful，hope you can sucess，good lucks

 

[TerminalVelocity]

nobody should live in painful，hope you can sucess，good lucks

These next 78 hours will be very very very long....... I wish time traveled faster.

 

[waitingforthehappy]

I absolutely hate doctors. I spent over $25k pursuing treatment. I'm always cranky because my tailbone burns 24/7.

This amount of chronic pain is enough to drive the strongest person insane.
I really want my peace soon. I'm glad my friend will let me ctb with her on the phone so I don't leave the world lonely.

that's amazing. It's wonderful if your friend is really going to do that for you. I wish the people close to me had that kind of support for me. I hope you find your peace, and your trip out of this world is better than your time here.

 

[TerminalVelocity]

that's amazing. It's wonderful if your friend is really going to do that for you. I wish the people close to me had that kind of support for me. I hope you find your peace, and your trip out of this world is better than your time here.

I want her to keep psyching me into doing it and not freak out and call 911. I will talk to her on the laptop instead so that I don't freak out. I will keep my phone on the other side of the apartment.

 

[1Mazda16]

I bought sn from la and I am counting down the days until the 22nd which I receive it.

I'm sorry it has gotten to this point in your life. No one deserves the suffering which has fallen upon you. Many people on this site understand and support you in your decisions. You are in my prayers, friend. "In Love's service, only broken hearts qualify"

 

[Ta555]

I absolutely hate doctors. I spent over $25k pursuing treatment. I'm always cranky because my tailbone burns 24/7.

This amount of chronic pain is enough to drive the strongest person insane.
I really want my peace soon. I'm glad my friend will let me ctb with her on the phone so I don't leave the world lonely.

I'm sorry for your pain :( you know what the ironic thing is? Doctors have the highest suicide rate by profession, but they go out nice and peaceful with drugs we don't have access to.

 

[waitingforthehappy]

I want her to keep psyching me into doing it and not freak out and call 911. I will talk to her on the laptop instead so that I don't freak out. I will keep my phone on the other side of the apartment.

@TerminalVelocity If I may ask, what do you think might cause you to freak out. Is it the SI? Or you having doubts about cbt?
For me, I want to be cbt, but I still struggle with fear of death, and fear of hell (by way of explanation, my mother has put into my head that suicide is a sin, and leads to hell/eternal suffering. )

 

[TerminalVelocity]

T

I'm sorry it has gotten to this point in your life. No one deserves the suffering which has fallen upon you. Many people on this site understand and support you in your decisions. You are in my prayers, friend. "In Love's service, only broken hearts qualify"

Thank you friend. Thank you for praying for me. I will be praying for myself too. I have exhausted everything I could. Very expensive physical therapy, very painful injections, a terrible surgery that is on each side 8 inches long by 4 inches deep. it's pretty much over for me. Gonna have to ctb because I literally have no other choice. I can not wait to be embraced by an angel and comforted.

I'm sorry for your pain :( you know what the ironic thing is? Doctors have the highest suicide rate by profession, but they go out nice and peaceful with drugs we don't have access to.

Yeah how ironic... Thank you for your kind words.

@TerminalVelocity If I may ask, what do you think might cause you to freak out. Is it the SI? Or you having doubts about cbt?
For me, I want to be cbt, but I still struggle with fear of death, and fear of hell (by way of explanation, my mother has put into my head that suicide is a sin, and leads to hell/eternal suffering. )

I am actually at peace with the act itself. I know I have no other choice but to ctb. I know that God is merciful enough to know that if I blew through life savings and spent months laying in bed in pain, he will have mercy on me because I have no other choice. I have been praying throughout the day explaining my case knowing that God understands me anyways. I am scared that the discomfort pushes me to call 911. that's why I am going to put my phone on the other side of the apartment. I will listen to liturgy as I ctb and I will continue praying as I am leaving because I believe that God is compassionate enough to know that I really tried. I can not do anything else and I would like to think God is merciful enough to allow me to do this.
To add, I am also diagnosed with bipolar, depression, anxiety, and ptsd.

 

[1Mazda16]

My posts are intended for emotional support to someone who is hurting. I am not advocating that anybody take their own life.

 

[TerminalVelocity]

My posts are intended for emotional support to someone who is hurting. I am not advocating that anybody take their own life.

I never said you are the reason I am ctbing. I thanked you for your prayers and expressed my feelings towards the decision I am taking.

 

[liberty_222]

I wish you peace. I'm trying to ctb today. But I still haven't received my sn. I'm just worried what if i don't get it today...

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm so sorry you're in pain, TV. I teared up reading your post.

I hope you can find freedom from your pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be awful having health problems as our bodies are capable of torturing us. I know it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best with your plans and I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[TerminalVelocity]

I wish you peace. I'm trying to ctb today. But I still haven't received my sn. I'm just worried what if i don't get it today...

I hope you find peace.

I'm so sorry you're in pain, TV. I teared up reading your post.

I hope you can find freedom from your pain.

Thank you for the empathy. After knocking on every door, it's time to ctb.

It can be awful having health problems as our bodies are capable of torturing us. I know it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best with your plans and I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Absolutely non stop torture. I can not wait until two days from now. I'm counting down the hours…