Venting Will my family and friends hate me for choosing to ctb?

[sunbleachedflies]

I am a complete failure, a collection of "almost" and "could've been". I couldn't live with this anymore. However, I feel this constant immense guilt for wanting to ctb. I have support from family and friends. They have always been around. My parents & extended family care for me. I have friends I can count on. But for this, I could not be honest to them about my struggle. 2 of my friends know, but not the severity of it. I cannot stop thinking about ctb. I look for methods, I "plan" what I will do.. but I could not get rid of this guilt and shame of wanting to do it.

 

[Abyssal]

They could, it's what many people do when someone takes their life, but if you ask me that outlook is from people I would never enjoy being alive to see.

 

[Frem]

They won't hate you but it's very possible for them to hate themself for not noticing things, not being good enough and stuff like that. If you have supportive environment than try talking with them about it if you're not sure about pulling the trigger on this one. Just be aware that depending on their believes and country you live in they may try to put you into a mental hospital for some time which may or may not help you depending again on the country but also yourself and your luck towards getting good and carrying stuff there. If you're scared of being locked there try talking with family about therapy or just rot away until you will rot away their feelings.

 

[sunbleachedflies]

They could, it's what many people do when someone takes their life, but if you ask me that outlook is from people I would never enjoy being alive to see.

You make a valid point. I am just worried they would not understand. I do not want to shift the emotional burden from me to them.

They won't hate you but it's very possible for them to hate themself for not noticing things, not being good enough and stuff like that. If you have supportive environment than try talking with them about it if you're not sure about pulling the trigger on this one. Just be aware that depending on their believes and country you live in they may try to put you into a mental hospital for some time which may or may not help you depending again on the country but also yourself and your luck towards getting good and carrying stuff there. If you're scared of being locked there try talking with family about therapy or just rot away until you will rot away their feelings.

Thank you for the advice. I truly appreciate it :)

 

[lupussucks224]

It won't matter bc you'll b dead

 

[shelterwhereisleep]

I assume mine will be angry. I hope they don't hate me. It was never about hurting them.

 

[karmaisabitch]

It will cause them trauma so they will never be normal again!

 

[falling_snow]

Maybe. But each person thinks for their best, the least suffering, the more comfortable. For them, that is.
You should really worry more about those who appreaciate you and respect your choice, and understand it.

 

[sunbleachedflies]

It won't matter bc you'll b dead

You're not wrong there

I assume mine will be angry. I hope they don't hate me. It was never about hurting them.

I completely understand how you feel.

Maybe. But each person thinks for their best, the least suffering, the more comfortable. For them, that is.
You should really worry more about those who appreaciate you and respect your choice, and understand it.

Thank you for sharing this POV. This is a good way to see it.