Discussion Why you want to commit suicide?

[Lost]

Just tired of depression and life.

 

[Pulpit2018]

I have had my run.One must not overstay his welcome.Besides,my future is grim.

 

[KatieW]

I have no proper words for this. I kinda feel like the people in the new Sandra Bullock thriller "Bird Box". The way they are traumatized by the nondescript sightings in the air. Mine sort of creeped in over the years and, unlike those movie subjects, terrorizes just enough for me to groan in anguish but without the courage to summon instant death. The docs say it's bipolar disorder and anxiety but I suspect and experience a thing much worse and more sinister.

I watched Bird Box and cried asking God why I can't have the fearlessness to slash my throat... It's what I feel whenever the news post another death: why them, why not me??

 

[Eren]

Depression and other mental problems such as OCD, paranoia etc ... Inability to have a partner for various reasons, loneliness, social isolation, apathy.

 

[brighter]

i don't fit. i don't belong. i'm over-emotional. i love too severely because i never had any.

i wasn't meant for this world

"she loved too much
and you could see it in her eyes: where she kept all the hearts she put ahead of her own"
- Ariana

keep going my friend there's not a lot if people like you out in the world. keep sharing your love :)

 

[SeekingSolace]

"she loved too much
and you could see it in her eyes: where she kept all the hearts she put ahead of her own"
- Ariana

That's a great quote!

 

[brighter]

That's a great quote!

thank you. i needed that :)

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

I think it's a combination of things. There are those mental health issues combined with a physical twist. I just feel like I don't belong here. I don't get much joy out of anything anymore. Society generally despises people in the same situation like me (not working or in education, living on disability benefits, being a parasite etc.). The thought of not existing makes me calm and it feels right (I must admit the afterlife scares me a bit though). I've lived this life so long just for others and I just can't keep doing it anymore.

 

[seekingoblivion]

Cause I can't find a good burger place.

 

[Sinbad]

One stupid mistake can change everything

 

[KatieW]

One stupid mistake can change everything

Oh yes it can. Another big mistake is false hope, I've found this to be very costly.

 

[lizinha]

My burdance to the people i love, depression, my drug addiction, etc....Everyday is just dreadful i have no reason to hold on anymore

 

[LastDay]

Too worn down by multiple mental illnesses to keep fighting. I have tried meds and am in therapy but it's no use, I don't have it in me anymore. I just want to join my sister who died back in 2002 from myocarditis.

 

[antivita]

I am genuinely, for many reasons, incapable of being loved by anyone.

 

[KatieW]

I am genuinely, for many reasons, incapable of being loved by anyone.

I love you.

 

[Eren]

I am genuinely, for many reasons, incapable of being loved by anyone.

I understand you, loneliness is disgusting.

 

[sadgalgigi]

I watched my mother cut her arms when I was 5.
I first attempted partial hanging at age 6.
My father was always absent for work overseas.
Strict asian family.
Raised by my mother who was manipulative, emotionally and mentally abusive. Her choice of manipulation was gaslighting.
Was sexually and physically abused in my teenage years.
Was drugged and gang-raped at 15.
Used drugs to escape.
Fell pregnant at 20 to a beautiful daughter and was forced to marry prior to birth for cultural reasons.
Husband was a drug addict and broke my nose I'm front of child when she was 1.5years.
Finished an engineering degree just to prove a point because family and friends said I was a "lost cause".
I've lost count of how many times I was involuntarily hospitalized after suicide attempts (between 2010-2018).
Got divorced.
I used to be the comedian of my friendship groups but now I struggle to smile.
I'm a people pleaser but somehow I'm always doing something wrong.
I just don't want to feel like a failure anymore.
My current bf is manipulative and emotionally abusive and is constantly shutting down my dreams.
I work my ass off and help the business profit only to be criticized at work for having "stupid ideas that will never work".
I've done my best to do the right thing by everyone but they still expect more.
I'm only human.

The last thing my 4yo daughter said to me as I left was "mummy, we play later Ok? Love you" and is the only reason why I'm struggling to go.

 

[TAW122]

While I don't agree with the "don't CTB" advice, I can respect people's reasoning and their choice. The key point of all this is "pro-choice" meaning that we all choose to live or CTB. In my case, I would want to CTB mainly because of the life situations and conditions that I am in. I am 28 years of age, I had Aspergers ever since I was a kid and other things that put me where I am in life today. I'm still around since I'm either waiting for that last push to push me over to ctb, or if somehow I find some genuine reason or cause to renew wanting to live longer (it's like an unicorn of a dream). I have other reasons for CTB as well, but I'm not going to go into them as it'll be like a mega essay.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

Noone consented to be here - that's a big irony of life, isn't it?

Even more ironic, is we don't even get to keep it! And still there is all of this pressure to see it to its "natural end" .

 

[Sundayafternoon]

The last thing my 4yo daughter said to me as I left was "mummy, we play later Ok? Love you" and is the only reason why I'm struggling to go.

Oh no. That made me so sad. I can't imagine how it makes you feel.
I am so sorry you had to endure so much and now you have to be strong someone else.
I hope you are able to hold on for as long as possible for your baby. Huge hugs to you both.

 

[Sundayafternoon]

I just want to join my sister who died back in 2002 from myocarditis.

I'm sorry for your loss. People can forget how grief (especially when piled atop other issues) can seep into your life and become a permanent fixture. I hope you find your peace one day.

 

[DontFearTheReaper]

Very ill. Very limited in what I can do. Every winter severe anxiety, depression on top of beeing locked in my home. And on top of that hallucinations now too. Am gonna try a few things to try and rid myself of the hallucinations, but feel very hopeless. I tried so many medical things to cure, have read a lot of research in life. Tried many things to improve life. Lived 15 years beyond what I was supposed to live, thanks to self medicating, because mainstream medicine did nothing. Dessicated thyroid hormone thyrogold is great it works better than antidepressants. Can keep you in an artifical high for years on end. But in my case too many other medical issues mess with my health, mood. I am very lonely. When I go outside, my medical issues mess with my mind which does not make me a pleasant person.

Very grateful for these years. Grateful for my brother to keep supporting me. Its easier to do now I know there may not be another way out. And now my brother has a very supportive girlfriend he is about to marry. A kid on the way. Things to keep his mind of what I will do. I can manage for so long I want to postphone my death till after the pregnancy. Both to see the kid. And to prevent stress in the moms pregnancy, since it increases the chances of a miscarriage. I really want for my brother and his girlfriend to be happy. Prefer suicide over the risk of ending in a clinic, without the extra meds, I know mainstream doctors wil take them away. They never ever wanted to even consider life quality over life quantity. I know my brother would feel guilty like hell if I ended in a clinic and he saw me wither away even more.And from the moment I started to self medicate he has known it might end this way. After suicide thoughs in periods for over 15 years thankfully he does not take them serious anymore.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Society generally despises people in the same situation like me (not working or in education, living on disability benefits, being a parasite etc.). The thought of not existing makes me calm and it feels right (I must admit the afterlife scares me a bit though).

This makes me so unhappy. Fck what 'society' thinks. It clearly doesn't think at all if it judges anyone who has to live on the mean amount of money provided by the state. You are not and will never be any kind of 'parasite' you are a human being of immense value and never ever think otherwise. I hate a world where people judge others for needing support. It could be anyone, anyday.
Xx

 

[Roy King]

Finished an engineering degree just to prove a point because family and friends said I was a "lost cause".

Probably you are in debt and so you are still financially dependent on others... Otherwise, as an engineer, you would have no reasons to endure all of that!

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I know I have to depart. I know catching the bus will be the only way to save my close family, specifically my mother, from the constant pain and disappointment my existence brings her. I know this for an absolute fact and I only wish I was already strong enough to ctb.

 

[Raggas]

To end the endless torment I face every day from my existence and the suffering of life as a whole.

I also have no friends or lover.

 

[wxtyubidi7y]

Chronic pain/physical disability, that also stops me working. I despise knowing that if I ctb everyone will assume it was because I also have bipolar disorder and they will think of my bus ride as confirming the stereotype of suicides being mentally ill.

 

[couragetodie]

Chronic pain/physical disability, that also stops me working. I despise knowing that if I ctb everyone will assume it was because I also have bipolar disorder and they will think of my bus ride as confirming the stereotype of suicides being mentally ill.

We get labeled as mentally ill by those who don't want to take responsibility for making us insane. Then when we CTB, they can forego all responsibility. That said, I need to admit that I have caused others pain. Then it's like I want to CTB to stop hurting others but if I CTB I will hurt others due to my death. This is literally the stuff that makes someone go insane I think. The daily torture; the feeling of being trapped. The damned if I do, damned if I don't. And it's all because of this effing thing called the mind.

I effing hate it. I hate how we get hurt and then hurt others. I hate how my mind has convinced me that things can only get worse. I hate how I can't feel good anymore. I hate how I have damaged my body because of a mind that failed to recognize threats properly and dodge them.

 

[OverTheRainbow]

I'm convinced people will be fine without me. I'm convinced my existence ruined my parent's lives. I'm sick of ending up in the same mindset...

 

[stellabelle]

Your resilience is astounding and I'm sorry that your life experience has been so traumatic. I have also heard from others that the best revenge is not suicide but leading a life to envy despite the circumstances.

Unfortunately, I have endured quite a bit in a short time. From an abusive household growing up, to abusive relationships, to horrible jobs and horrible people, to rape, to being burned by others repeatedly afterward, there's just nothing left in me. I am done with this world in some type of way. I feel like I have long surpassed my expiration date and gone sour. My mind has rot away to waste and so has my life, no matter how hard I fought or tried. I will never get peace or justice.