Discussion Why you want to commit suicide?

[G-Man]

I've heard here today.

I'm 19. I'm living in a country which almost fucked up, before my birth a doctor said "he is disabled so we must abort him" for making money from abortion. Thankfully, my mother saw another doctor and he told her truth. My father went to prison when I was 10. He will be never released. My mother was killed when I was 12 (The person who I only loved). I was get bullied like 4 years (after that, I beated most of them). My aunt tried to kill me, my uncle was beated me for fucking 10 bucks (our currency is not dollar btw), other uncle was treated me like shit. My grandfather humiliated me for 3 years (Every fucking day. I almost killed him for that). I even escaped from house three times. Third lasted a week. %90 of girls treated me like shit.

Believe me, I have millions of reasons to suicide but I didn't and won't. Because if I suicide, they will win and be happy. Why the fuck I let them to be happy? I will turn their life to hell by living a life which they can't and won't. They will envy me for that. They will be sorry for their actions about me. They will beg me for give some piece of my life. And I will be laugh to them.

I even thought buy a gun and kill all of them but their pain would be shortly and I'd have same fate with my father.

So that's my advice: Don't CTB, make them begging to God for CTB.

 

[Redt2go]

I've heard here today.

I'm 19. I'm living in a country which almost fucked up, before my birth a doctor said "he is disabled so we must abort him" for making money from abortion. Thankfully, my mother saw another doctor and he told her truth. My father went to prison when I was 10. He will be never released. My mother was killed when I was 12 (The person who I only loved). I was get bullied like 4 years (after that, I beated most of them). My aunt tried to kill me, my uncle was beated me for fucking 10 bucks (our currency is not dollar btw), other uncle was treated me like shit. My grandfather humiliated me for 3 years (Every fucking day. I almost killed him for that). I even escaped from house three times. Third lasted a week. %90 of girls treated me like shit.

Believe me, I have millions of reasons to suicide but I didn't and won't. Because if I suicide, they will win and be happy. Why the fuck I let them to be happy? I will turn their life to hell by living a life which they can't and won't. They will envy me for that. They will be sorry for their actions about me. They will beg me for give some piece of my life. And I will be laugh to them.

I even thought buy a gun and kill all of them but their pain would be shortly and I'd have same fate with my father.

So that's my advice: Don't CTB, make them begging to God for CTB.

The best revenge is to be happy you're right. I'm glad you don't want to kill yourself despite your trying life

 

[311]

Poor health

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

Autism and alienated relationship with this world.

 

[21Neberg]

Due to anxiety issues I feel crippled in social interactions and in life... I don't know how to word it. I guess I'm just not looking forward to life. I hate waking up in the morning and seeing my ugly face in the morning.

 

[Ruffian]

Forme it's been 30 years of diagnosis with a mental illness that makes me too healthy to qualify for disability benefits, but just fucked up enough that I screw up my career (which I hate anyway) every couple years and have to start over. I'm tired of it, and now I'm starting to move into chronic pain territory. I can't imagine living with both, so I'm beginning to get prepared.

 

[Circles]

Well besides numerous of other reasons a lot of it is existential. It's the fact that I cannot find one legitimate reason to staying alive. And of the many reasons lifers believe to be valid feel empty to me. It's like being in purgatory where I don't like living and I sure wouldn't mind death if it wasn't for the pain. If I could just stop existing at a flip of a switch then no problem but like always nothing is ever easy. I'm stuck with a better the devil you know than the devil you don't type of scenario, but at the same time I already feel like I'm in my own personal hell so trading one hell for another which doesn't exist is a paradox I'm willing to try.

 

[Shady33]

Disability and depression

 

[bunny]

i don't fit. i don't belong. i'm over-emotional. i love too severely because i never had any.

i wasn't meant for this world

 

[KatieW]

Forme it's been 30 years of diagnosis with a mental illness that makes me too healthy to qualify for disability benefits, but just fucked up enough that I screw up my career (which I hate anyway) every couple years and have to start over. I'm tired of it, and now I'm starting to move into chronic pain territory. I can't imagine living with both, so I'm beginning to get prepared.

You're lucky you got a chance to prepare. God bless you.

 

[TylerNY]

Waking up every day just wanting to go back into dreams.

 

[KatieW]

Well besides numerous of other reasons a lot of it is existential. It's the fact that I cannot find one legitimate reason to staying alive. And of the many reasons lifers believe to be valid feel empty to me. It's like being in purgatory where I don't like living and I sure wouldn't mind death if it wasn't for the pain. If I could just stop existing at a flip of a switch then no problem but like always nothing is ever easy. I'm stuck with a better the devil you know than the devil you don't type of scenario, but at the same time I already feel like I'm in my own personal hell so trading one hell for another which doesn't exist is a paradox I'm willing to try.

Very well put, our salvation lies in overcoming the fear of pain. I had opportunity to plan in the past than now but gave in to fear.

 

[KatieW]

Waking up every day just wanting to go back into dreams.

I too seem to sleep, sleep, sleep forever, but I NEED to get up and end it.

 

[ScottPilgram]

My mother and father hate me and use me as pawns against one another. My father explicity tomd me he hates me guts. Every weekend he's home he makes sure my life is a living hell by yelling at me and threatening to beat me up. He loves to remind me of how fucked I am. When I was released from the stress center in 2015 he accused me of manipulating the doctor's so that I could get out of a class at school. He didn't believe thag I was just suffering and had to check myself in or I would die. My mother screamed at me for not telling her I was going and for embarressing her. Funny I tried calling her the night they let me in and she was at the bar like she is every night. Even before this they were both bad, I moved out of my mother's house on mother's day. She liked to scream at me for ruininng her life and being selfish and ungrateful and throw things at me. there's a plethora of things they have both done but I would be abling so I won't say. I've already told my therapist I'll keep the full story for a later post. I've been violently depressed almost my entire life and it's shown. It makes it hard for me to function, maintain friendships, or even talk to people without getting personal. I don't want to live anymore. When i'm happy it's only for a week then I spiral and have a mental breakdown and get super clingy and my brain hurts and I want to scream. I don't want to suffer like this anymore it's selfish that there are people who don't get it and want me to keep suffering for their own selfish sake. I want to end my life. I want no more misery, no more trying to cope, no more pain. I'm sorry if my problems don't seem like much. There's more I'm not saying because I don't have the energy to talk about everything. I just want it to end.

 

[HawkeyePierce]

Im tired of "living" a life with depression. It's been over a decade. In my case, it doesn't get better. I just want it to end.

 

[Redt2go]

My mother and father hate me and use me as pawns against one another. My father explicity tomd me he hates me guts. Every weekend he's home he makes sure my life is a living hell by yelling at me and threatening to beat me up. He loves to remind me of how fucked I am. When I was released from the stress center in 2015 he accused me of manipulating the doctor's so that I could get out of a class at school. He didn't believe thag I was just suffering and had to check myself in or I would die. My mother screamed at me for not telling her I was going and for embarressing her. Funny I tried calling her the night they let me in and she was at the bar like she is every night. Even before this they were both bad, I moved out of my mother's house on mother's day. She liked to scream at me for ruininng her life and being selfish and ungrateful and throw things at me. there's a plethora of things they have both done but I would be abling so I won't say. I've already told my therapist I'll keep the full story for a later post. I've been violently depressed almost my entire life and it's shown. It makes it hard for me to function, maintain friendships, or even talk to people without getting personal. I don't want to live anymore. When i'm happy it's only for a week then I spiral and have a mental breakdown and get super clingy and my brain hurts and I want to scream. I don't want to suffer like this anymore it's selfish that there are people who don't get it and want me to keep suffering for their own selfish sake. I want to end my life. I want no more misery, no more trying to cope, no more pain. I'm sorry if my problems don't seem like much. There's more I'm not saying because I don't have the energy to talk about everything. I just want it to end.

You're parents are assholes. Kudos to you for making it this far

 

[ScottPilgram]

You're parents are assholes. Kudos to you for making it this far

thanks I didn't think I would

 

[dontwantthislife]

I'm not made for this world. I'm fucked in the head. I can't do what I want to do without criticism from my family so why should I be here? All I want to do is self harm, get surgeries, go home. But I can't.

I've lost my job. I'm too exhausted to bother applying anywhere (I've black listed my name in the dental industry now anyway). I don't want to work. I hate the monotony of life. Things that excite others don't excite me.

 

[KatieW]

I'm not made for this world. I'm fucked in the head. I can't do what I want to do without criticism from my family so why should I be here? All I want to do is self harm, get surgeries, go home. But I can't.

I've lost my job. I'm too exhausted to bother applying anywhere (I've black listed my name in the dental industry now anyway). I don't want to work. I hate the monotony of life. Things that excite others don't excite me.

Depression, bpd, anxiety and the syndromes have a deteriorating effect that destroys career, friends, family and life in time. You're not alone.

 

[AhG]

Love of my life is gone. 6 years gone, barely being married gone. I won't ever speak ill of her because I have nothing bad to say about her. It was my fault and I accept that.

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

My mother and father hate me and use me as pawns against one another. My father explicity tomd me he hates me guts. Every weekend he's home he makes sure my life is a living hell by yelling at me and threatening to beat me up. He loves to remind me of how fucked I am. When I was released from the stress center in 2015 he accused me of manipulating the doctor's so that I could get out of a class at school. He didn't believe thag I was just suffering and had to check myself in or I would die. My mother screamed at me for not telling her I was going and for embarressing her. Funny I tried calling her the night they let me in and she was at the bar like she is every night. Even before this they were both bad, I moved out of my mother's house on mother's day. She liked to scream at me for ruininng her life and being selfish and ungrateful and throw things at me. there's a plethora of things they have both done but I would be abling so I won't say. I've already told my therapist I'll keep the full story for a later post. I've been violently depressed almost my entire life and it's shown. It makes it hard for me to function, maintain friendships, or even talk to people without getting personal. I don't want to live anymore. When i'm happy it's only for a week then I spiral and have a mental breakdown and get super clingy and my brain hurts and I want to scream. I don't want to suffer like this anymore it's selfish that there are people who don't get it and want me to keep suffering for their own selfish sake. I want to end my life. I want no more misery, no more trying to cope, no more pain. I'm sorry if my problems don't seem like much. There's more I'm not saying because I don't have the energy to talk about everything. I just want it to end.

I'm sorry you have to live with that. Some people shouldn't have kids.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

Mental disorders and life not being for me. I cannot imagine putting up with this hell hole for several more decades. Fortunately, I only have 4 weeks left in this hell hole.

 

[lemmeeleev]

Just sick of being alive, I don't have any reason for wanting to ctb really. I can still have a normal (as normal as I can get anyways) life if I wanted, but I see no point in it and could never actually enjoy it, and I'd rather just be dead. It might be wrong of me because I can have a "good" life and I'm just throwing it away, but I never asked for it to begin with.

 

[lady_godiva]

Childhood trauma, debilitating mental illness, boredom. Nothing this life has to offer is enough for me to stick around. I'm trapped between a rock and a hard place. Just waiting for someone to engineer the insta-death button so I can go without a fuss!

 

[KatieW]

Just sick of being alive, I don't have any reason for wanting to ctb really. I can still have a normal (as normal as I can get anyways) life if I wanted, but I see no point in it and could never actually enjoy it, and I'd rather just be dead. It might be wrong of me because I can have a "good" life and I'm just throwing it away, but I never asked for it to begin with.

Noone consented to be here - that's a big irony of life, isn't it?

 

[TheDarkness]

Well I may be very close to homelessness, unemployed, never want to see my mom or dad again we never had a good relationship though I did have a good relationship with my dad that turned sour after a bevy of accusations, and me getting incredibly mad at him that one time he got me late for work tried to drive me. My mom suggested I accepted because I know full well my dad would insist but that's besides the point. I have terrible anxiety of losing a job and I only quit this one because I wasn't getting enough hours, had no car either. I'm applying for jobs everyday was cut off from welfare because I didn't do some Job Corps thing it was mainly for carpentry, painting I rejected it because I had another job offer and my lower back isn't doing so good it's really stiff and painful it's also only for 26 weeks I need something more than that.

If I get a job 40 hours a week I may be able to fulfill some goals like upgrade my computers, get a decent phone, get some IT certifications then save up for a degree but none of this honestly stops me from thinking about suicide because at the end of the day it's still the 40 hours 9-5 wage-slaving with the rest of the day playing video games or something. I don't want kids, to get married, or any of the LifeScript sort knowing that makes me kinda happy it makes me feel free like I can just do whatever I wish I mean most of my life I felt like I had to do things I didn't actually want to do external pressures didn't help but now I feel like I can just tell that shit to fuck off and it feels good gives me some control of my own life for once and also because it's expensive and it can get into lifestyle creep.

Sometimes I don't know why I wake up and I can be incredibly sad like overcome with an overwhelming sadness
Other times I wake up and I'm overcome with just anger pure burning anger like roid rage sometimes I even start hitting myself I can get so angry especially at people who have wronged me sometimes I can just want to hurt them really, really badly but after the rage is over I just to be left alone and never see any of those people again if I do I ignore them, if they want to start a convo I'll tell them I'm not in the mood.
My chest sometimes feels like it's going to explode on me maybe it's heart palpitations, maybe it's not I don't know.

At the end of the day I kinda realize even if I achieved all my goals it doesn't matter I'm still somewhat miserable just less miserable than before
I have a few dreams for example I want to get Megaman Legends 3 and Final Fantasy Versus XIII back even build an all AMD dream PC to play those games but even if I achieve those dreams it's still the same 9-5, 40 hours a week alongside whatever undiagnosed mental illness which solutions will be just a crutch and I just don't say a word to anyone it will either lead into an argument. I mean at the end of the day it doesn't really matter it's just whatever it just postpones the inevitable I guess but at the end of the day it doesn't really mean much in the grand scheme of things. I can only distract myself for so long.


Now onto your post right personally I don't think living out of spite is anything good for anyone I'm not saying you should forgive, and go back to those poeple but I think that if you can just avoid those people as much as possible if you got some good friends that are willing to leave the country with you go just hop on a plane and go forget about those people.
If the suffering feels bad enough for you to want to die I don't think that you should worry about how your family and that sort feel I mean your dead, and they'll die to if your lucky maybe someone will put down those animals.

Sometimes I have this idk if I'd call it existentialism but I think sometimes does it really matter? Like you fulfill your dreams in the end your still gonna die and what comes of your dreams nothing literally nothing. They die with you, your thoughts, your feelings, they just die so what does it matter if you don't fulfill XYZ your gonna die anyway.

 

[Swara N]

I've heard here today.

I'm 19. I'm living in a country which almost fucked up, before my birth a doctor said "he is disabled so we must abort him" for making money from abortion. Thankfully, my mother saw another doctor and he told her truth. My father went to prison when I was 10. He will be never released. My mother was killed when I was 12 (The person who I only loved). I was get bullied like 4 years (after that, I beated most of them). My aunt tried to kill me, my uncle was beated me for fucking 10 bucks (our currency is not dollar btw), other uncle was treated me like shit. My grandfather humiliated me for 3 years (Every fucking day. I almost killed him for that). I even escaped from house three times. Third lasted a week. %90 of girls treated me like shit.

Believe me, I have millions of reasons to suicide but I didn't and won't. Because if I suicide, they will win and be happy. Why the fuck I let them to be happy? I will turn their life to hell by living a life which they can't and won't. They will envy me for that. They will be sorry for their actions about me. They will beg me for give some piece of my life. And I will be laugh to them.

I even thought buy a gun and kill all of them but their pain would be shortly and I'd have same fate with my father.

So that's my advice: Don't CTB, make them begging to God for CTB.

I literally cant see my future or me being happy in it.

 

[Roy King]

High levels of contaminated genes that in my case resulted in bone illness! I believe this is a global problem as long as human fertilization doesn't become artificial... When will people drop the DIVERSITY BS?

 

[SeekingSolace]

I'm overly empathetic and suffer from severe anxiety, depression, seizures, and suspected Crohn's Disease. I'm emotionally exhausted. But I'm going to keep trying for a little while. I'm trying not to give up.

 

[989-X]

Constant existential dread as a result of deeply rooted, elongated mental anguish. I have a very hard time imagining a future for myself.