Discussion Why write a note?

[auror.]

It seems like a lot of people write goodbye notes for when they ctb. I'd like to hear your input if you plan on writing a note, or understand why others do. I don't plan on it myself because I don't have anything to say to anyone.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

My family ignores me, labels and judges me and I want to clear this up and explain my reality, things that have hurt me that they did and explain why I am going.

 

[http-410]

I wrote a suicide note so that relatives don't blame themselves.

Don't feel compelled to write one if there is no reason for you to do so. In fact, the majority of people who kill themselves do not leave a suicide note.

 

[Anonymous_A]

Most people don't leave a suicide note. A minority of people do.

You gotta remember it may seem like many people do on here but most don't actually even ctb, along with the fact that there's not actually a lot of people on this site. (607, speaking of now)

 

[aviation]

I don't wish to leave anyone in my life with questions, trauma and bad memories. I can't ease their pain, but I can provide closure, as best as I can, and explain what I can, and that this is my choice, and a true one, and there was nothing that could have been done to prevent this. Whether this can be understood or believed is not on me, but I wish to share my feelings on it and my time here, at least, in the end.

 

[stankboy421]

I have isolated myself for years but still know that my death will destroy people and shake my community. Especially my parents. I owe them to explain why, and apologise for wasting their time and money for 34 years. I need to also explicitly ascribe blame to the government which prevented me from accessing psychological help. I hope that my death will help the system improve for people after me.
I'm thinking about posting a bunch of letters just before i ctb so they arrive to various people after I'm safely dead, because I have a lot to say. I wish I was more like you and could just disappear quietly tbh. Seems easier.

 

[FuneralCry]

I only plan to write one to close family members. I will tell them things like 'there is nothing you could have done' and 'now I am at peace'. This may provide some closure and make them understand why I have decided to do this. If there is no note they would be left with unanswered questions. I know a note will not ease the grief they are experiencing but it is the only thing I can do to make it easier for them.

 

[Zvov]

I plan on writing one and addressing the few main people in my life to explain why and how to not blame themselves and to hopefully have them feel even slightly understanding about it. I did a rough draft last night though and it made me break down into tears when I got to my younger brother.

 

[Un-]

Writing a book - an autobiography. It's pretentious, but a simple note won't do anything for my mother. She's a bit old and pent up; losing me will crush her. She really does love me. It's the least I could do to help her understand and relieve guilt, I suppose.

 

[summers]

Idk if you count email, but I do plan on saying "thank you" and "I love you" to a few select people. I think scheduling an email is better than a paper note because it can be private and you know the intended person will get it.

 

[auror.]

All your responses have opened my eyes. I guess I understand why I won't write a note. Because in my case, I don't think me explaining anything will make a difference. Nothing I say ever does.

 

[NasiGoreng]

I am not going to write a note, they will not understand either way and its to late to change anything. I also dont have anything to say, im just hurt.

 

[doesntevenmatter]

There are so many reasons why someone may wish to do that. I would say closure is probably the most mitigating factor. Either giving closure to your loved ones, or maybe even to yourself. Maybe even one last middle finger to this world. Obviously I guess I can't say for sure what I would do until I am there, but I have no intention of writing a note. The very few who love me and actually care about me will already know how I feel, and fuck the rest.

 

[m9q2As2$IG]

I am not fully decided on whether I intend to leave a message. I say a message because that is essentially what a note is, and if I do decide to leave a message it will very likely not be in the form of a note. I have written a message that is saved as a concept on my SMS. It is a private message I made for a girl that I was (and to be honest still am) in love with. I cannot let her go, and I feel this great wanting or longing to tell her how much I will eternally love her unconditionally, even though she has hurt me a lot.

We don't talk anymore, even though the situation is pretty recent (a few weeks). I have her blocked. I want to unblock and talk to her, but I know that doing so would spiral me out of control emotionally, and cause me only further agony.

Still not fully decided on whether to send her that. Also not sure how I would do it, of I sent the SMS before I ctb she would likely call the police. They could send a stealth SMS to track my location and then it would all be in vein. I could also schedule send the SMS, but my phone would have to be on for that and if they midway discover that I am doing an attempt they could also try to do a stealth SMS. I've done research and here in the Netherlands they could get permission to do that (especially for suicidal people) within or less than 30 minutes.

 

[ItsTimeToExit]

Most people don't leave a suicide note. A minority of people do.

You gotta remember it may seem like many people do on here but most don't actually even ctb, along with the fact that there's not actually a lot of people on this site. (607, speaking of now)

This study found that 18.25% of suicides left a note. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/sltb.12131

The number of people leaving or not leaving notes is irrelevant though. What matters is the content of the note and how it can help those you care about recover from your death.

After the Suicide

*Highly Commended in the Health and Social Care category at the 2012 British Medical Association Book Awards* Those left behind in the wake of suicide are often plagued by unanswered questions and feelings of guilt. Helping them to understand why the suicide happened, how suicide survivors...

books.google.com

 

[edu0z]

It seems like a lot of people write goodbye notes for when they ctb. I'd like to hear your input if you plan on writing a note, or understand why others do. I don't plan on it myself because I don't have anything to say to anyone.

It was tradition in ancient Japan (you know the place with the highest suicide rate) that the samurais before doing the harrakiri or ritual suicide, wrote a farewell poem and to leave some of their wisdom ... In the rest of the In the world ctb is seen as something bad, but back in the time of feudal Japan, it was something honorable and courageous.

I do not know if this has to do with the current tradition of writing goodbye letters, but it is the closest thing I have found.

 

[doesntevenmatter]

I am not fully decided on whether I intend to leave a message. I say a message because that is essentially what a note is, and if I do decide to leave a message it will very likely not be in the form of a note. I have written a message that is saved as a concept on my SMS. It is a private message I made for a girl that I was (and to be honest still am) in love with. I cannot let her go, and I feel this great wanting or longing to tell her how much I will eternally love her unconditionally, even though she has hurt me a lot.

We don't talk anymore, even though the situation is pretty recent (a few weeks). I have her blocked. I want to unblock and talk to her, but I know that doing so would spiral me out of control emotionally, and cause me only further agony.

Still not fully decided on whether to send her that. Also not sure how I would do it, of I sent the SMS before I ctb she would likely call the police. They could send a stealth SMS to track my location and then it would all be in vein. I could also schedule send the SMS, but my phone would have to be on for that and if they midway discover that I am doing an attempt they could also try to do a stealth SMS. I've done research and here in the Netherlands they could get permission to do that (especially for suicidal people) within or less than 30 minutes.

Just wanted to say that I feel this. I feel very similar to you, although I do have contact with my ex as of recently after years of no contact. All the times I have thought about ending it I always wanted to text her something first. That's really the only sort of note/message I would leave. Instead though, I've entrusted a close friend with relaying the message. I might send something to her anyways, but we'll see.

 

[Pisceslilith]

I really don't want to because I don't have anything to say to anyone to be honest but I don't want that one person to wonder where I am because of no contact just to find out on their own that I'm dead, that would be really fucked up so I just have to do it. I'm making it short anyways.

 

[Pluto]

I had no intention of doing a note but the PPH suggests doing so can protect others, e.g. specifying that outside persons were not involved in the decision, which was carefully considered. Also to discourage others from blaming themselves, even though I'm not sure if that's actually true. So a brief one may be in order.

I've compiled a separate document about financial arrangements and practical matters to speed up the process of dealing with possessions. I haven't bothered with a will because I don't mind that everything will go to my parents and sisters - there's no real alternative.

 

[Verodv]

Ok so I'm the only one with an "Arya-Stark-List-of-Revenge" repeating over and over? I'm tried to decide whether write it down like "in case you morons are guessing if you're involved YES YOU ARE"

 

[Seiba]

Don't think I'll bother. I had a failed attempt and even then my reasons weren't largely asked for. It was blamed on teenage hormones. The irony being that someone I would care enough about leaving a note to wouldn't needed one because they would understand why I would leave.

 

[Winklemate]

There are only two practical reasons for leaving a note.

I. And the reason I'm doing it I may add, is an attempt to mitigate the pain of loss by providing closure and absolution to your loved ones. Because I keep this suicide thing close to the chest, most of my loved ones are not going to see this coming, so my "note" is going to be framed around the notion that the only reason I lived as as long as I did, is because of them. and that the only influence they had over my suicide, was pushing it off. They're probably still going to blame themselves because that's likely unavoidably, but it's the least I can do to lessen the impact.

II. If you have buried treasure somewhere and want to send them on a hunt.

 

[threadbythread]

I think I'll only leave a note that's brief, as anything you say will be scrutinised for signs or clues or insight. Instead it might be easier to just leave instructions on how to find the body and a simple apology for all of the pain and suffering.

 

[author]

I'd need to make sure everyone knows that my mother would be faking her crying.

Also, burial arrangements. I refuse to have my funeral fucked up. At least respect me when I'm dead, if you won't do it while I'm alive...

 

[Verodv]

I'd need to make sure everyone knows that my mother would be faking her crying.

Also, burial arrangements. I refuse to have my funeral fucked up. At least respect me when I'm dead, if you won't do it while I'm alive...

House Stark you too I see (ref. to my comment over)

 

[m9q2As2$IG]

I'd need to make sure everyone knows that my mother would be faking her crying.

Also, burial arrangements. I refuse to have my funeral fucked up. At least respect me when I'm dead, if you won't do it while I'm alive...

Sounds like a very complex and emotionally painful and likely scarring situation with your mother. I hope you get the peace in your body before you ctb by writing this note. I also strongly advise making sure that the note cannot simply get lost or not read because someone didn't read it. A good method I recommend is scheduled emails. If you ever need help with backup methods of leaving a message, feel free to DM me, if not, feel free to ignore this part :).

I hope you find moments of peace within yourself before ctb. Best of luck and I wish you the best!

 

[superbad]

I don't want my family to get closure. I don't care how they cope with it, if it ruins their lives or even makes them suicidal. It's not my job to comfort people after I'm dead. I will send my boyfriend an email saying that I love him and that I'm sorry. Might do the same with my dad. I don't think I owe anyone explanations, I'm so, so tired.

 

[again_noidea]

no real note for me. i have said everything to everyone who was willing to listen. i just have to write that i don't want a funeral or a grave.