Sorry to hear you have no family as well. I know how painful that is. Everytime I walk past a house, I accidentally give the property a sideways glance. Whenever I see a big family gathered around a dinner table, I feel broken and shattered into a million pieces. I'll never experience that.
I have been trying to stay alive for my partner, as he's all I've got, besides a young sibling who I could never disclose any of my life situation to. However, my boyfriend doesn't understand how physically sick I am and often treats me quite badly. If I need to express my pain he forces me to stop and tells me I'm being a doomer, often getting quite upset or angry.
It is a fact, not an opinion, that my disability will worsen with time. Chronic fatigue syndrome sufferers have a lower quality of life than many cancer patients, and ctb at an extraordinarily high rate. Despite this, many ignoramuses in society think we are faking our pain, and this rejection cascades down into every facet of one's life.
I am not getting the support I need. I am a burden, and the fact is a harsh reality. If I were to stay alive, my body is going to deteriorate more and more. Others will not help me. Why would I stay alive for a world that treats me with no respect nor compassion?
No one loves me, so I feel free to go. It is my choice and my choice alone. I can only hope that if others were impacted by my ctb they will choose to be antinatalist and not bring anyone else into the world to experience grief and suffering.