Discussion Why No One Can Help

[Partial-Elf]

I've been experiencing a big wave of suicidal thoughts the past few days and have been reading bereavement forums to deter myself from going through with it, at least for the next few weeks.

On the bereavement forums, I read a lot of "if only they'd told someone, we would've done anything to help them..." and similar. It jumped out to me just how flawed this kind of thinking is–there is seriously no way that anyone can help.

My suicidality stems from:

• An inability to find joy or reward in anything
• Dissatisfaction with my chosen career field and an inability to leave it
• Frequent rumination on past mistakes
• Total pessimism regarding the future, both my own and that of society at large
• Fundamental disagreements with the culture I live in and an inability to leave or change that culture
• Constant feelings of tiredness, overwhelm, wistfulness, bitter-sweetness, anxiety
• Irreparable physical damage that interferes with personal goals
• Perpetual self consciousness and self loathing; a generalized disdain for every aspect of myself and my life
• A fundamental preference for death over life

No one can change these feelings and I've had them consistently for the better part of 8 years now. I've been open with family members, partners, and therapists about these feelings and there's nothing they can do. If I were any more open, they'd probably lock me up and forcibly medicate me–I would prefer suffering and death over that loss of autonomy.

I wish people were more understanding of the desire to opt out. I feel like a failed experiment that is obligated to keep on living and living against my will long after the experiment is over.

 

[Empty Smile]

Unfortunately, the people and society at large look to be the hero that stopped a suicide.

 

[Allpainnogain]

Unfortunately, the people and society at large look to be the hero that stopped a suicide.

So ridiculous. They just don't get the suffering. THEY are the selfish ones

 

[JoeFailure]

Basically those people have no idea what this is all about. The one I hate most is "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" when for some it is a permanent problem and the decision is to live and suffer with it or peace out.

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

I've been experiencing a big wave of suicidal thoughts the past few days and have been reading bereavement forums to deter myself from going through with it, at least for the next few weeks.

On the bereavement forums, I read a lot of "if only they'd told someone, we would've done anything to help them..." and similar. It jumped out to me just how flawed this kind of thinking is–there is seriously no way that anyone can help.

My suicidality stems from:

• An inability to find joy or reward in anything
• Dissatisfaction with my chosen career field and an inability to leave it
• Frequent rumination on past mistakes
• Total pessimism regarding the future, both my own and that of society at large
• Fundamental disagreements with the culture I live in and an inability to leave or change that culture
• Constant feelings of tiredness, overwhelm, wistfulness, bitter-sweetness, anxiety
• Irreparable physical damage that interferes with personal goals
• Perpetual self consciousness and self loathing; a generalized disdain for every aspect of myself and my life
• A fundamental preference for death over life

No one can change these feelings and I've had them consistently for the better part of 8 years now. I've been open with family members, partners, and therapists about these feelings and there's nothing they can do. If I were any more open, they'd probably lock me up and forcibly medicate me–I would prefer suffering and death over that loss of autonomy.

I wish people were more understanding of the desire to opt out. I feel like a failed experiment that is obligated to keep on living and living against my will long after the experiment is over.

You always find a way to express exactly what I'm feeling, myself. Thanks, Partial-Elf.

 

[JadedGray]

Basically those people have no idea what this is all about. The one I hate most is "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" when for some it is a permanent problem and the decision is to live and suffer with it or peace out.

That's such a stupid expression, seeing as life is temporary too, so of course ending it is permanent.

 

[Apostle]

Imagine if the people in our lives all made an effort to help us carry out our ctb, instead of trying to "help" us prevent it. I know some smart people that would be able to give me the perfect instructions for the most effective ctb, if only I could speak to them without their values and emotions getting in the way.

 

[Partial-Elf]

Basically those people have no idea what this is all about. The one I hate most is "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" when for some it is a permanent problem and the decision is to live and suffer with it or peace out.

Right.

Imagine if the people in our lives all made an effort to help us carry out our ctb, instead of trying to "help" us prevent it. I know some smart people that would be able to give me the perfect instructions for the most effective ctb, if only I could speak to them without their values and emotions getting in the way.

I wish it could be a big farewell party, like a graduation or wedding. A funeral in advance where people send you off with love and support–as opposed to me slinking around behind closed practicing my nooses.

As for effective ctb, I'm pretty keen on hanging and have tested it a fair amount. If you look at my post history you may find some helpful info for that method.

 

[paroxetine]

That's such a stupid expression, seeing as life is temporary too, so of course ending it is permanent.

Life is a temporary problem.

 

[JadedGray]

Life is a temporary problem.

And death is a permanent solution.

 

[Apostle]

As for effective ctb, I'm pretty keen on hanging and have tested it a fair amount. If you look at my post history you may find some helpful info for that method.

Thank you, I will. And I plan on hanging too.

 

[LastFlowers]

Unfortunately, the people and society at large look to be the hero that stopped a suicide.

I've read comments from people like that on Reddit that make my blood boil.

 

[Apostle]

Similar comparisons have already been made many times, but picture someone who thinks they're a "hero," rushing in to stop someone from putting down their sick, dying pet. Everyone knows that person would look like a sadistic freak, but nobody sees how similar it is to prevent a suicide by a human being who made a firm decision on it.

 

[Vegrau]

In a society that loathe death. Equate death to loss. Fear the death. You can never expect them to help.

 

[JadedGray]

Similar comparisons have already been made many times, but picture someone who thinks they're a "hero," rushing in to stop someone from putting down their sick, dying pet. Everyone knows that person would look like a sadistic freak, but nobody sees how similar it is to prevent a suicide by a human being who made a firm decision on it.

Household pets don't pay taxes and aren't beneficial to the government.

 

[Jean Améry]

Your list is practically identical to mine with the exception of the self-loathing. It would be nice if everyone had the inalienable right to decide when their life would end regardless of the bias and judgement of others. In ancient Rome and some other cultures it was the case.

It's hard to find meaning and joy in a society that denies the individual one of the most fundamental human rights of all: the right to die. It's hard to find joy in work and others when you're basically a slave to society, you're forced to sacrifice 10 hours a day 5 days a week in order to avoid having to live on the street and you can't be open about how you feel without running the risk of prosecution for a thought crime.

Ah well, if I decide to erase my existence I'll be smart about it and they won't be able to stop me. I'll even leave a nice note condemning the degrading slave camp that is society and the secular religion that is psychopathology. Of course the fools will just shake their head and stamp the label 'menal illness' on me which is the fundamental heresy in this intolerant, sick society that we are forced to live in. After all: psychiatry says suicide is always irrational and the product of mental illness and psychiatry, like the church in bygone era's, is always right isn't it? No matter that they can't prove any of it.

I like your phrase 'a fundamental preference for death over life'. That's how I feel or rather what my mind and reason keep telling me: seeing that death is the permanent end to all consciousness and therefore the very possibility of feeling any sort of pain or discomfort it's always to be preferred over life which obviously entails a highly evolved consciousness and a very complex nervous system which is a garantee for suffering and discomfort.

This is the question that I'd like to pose to those ruling over us and the high-priests of psychiatry: what if anything is wrong with this reasoning? Either they can disprove my claim (which in my mind would be impossible) or they're forced to admit I'm entirely reasonable and therefore fully capable of opting for rational suicide which should be my fundamental right as a human-being.