BeedyBee
Member
- Aug 30, 2022
- 19
This post will probably be deleted, but here we go...
I'm a 22-year old, African-American male...and I think my race might be inferior.
First off, I'll admit I've never lived the stereotypical "black experience". I didn't grow up poor or in "the hood" or whatever. I was raised upper-middle class by parents who were both college-educated and had high-paying corporate jobs. I've also been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and throughout my life I've been characterized as very bright compared to my peers.
Even despite my "outlier" status among black people, I still took pride in my race. I was "woke". I studied African history and culture in my spare time, and encouraged others to do the same. I championed the cause of racial equality and social justice online. I marched with protestors during 2020. I believed that the goal of uplifting black people in America and around the world was achievable, and I wanted to dedicate my life to it.
As any person deeply involved in online culture wars, I was always aware of "race realism". I had previously dismissed as nothing more than blatant Nazi propaganda. But in the interest of intellectual honesty, as someone who wants to study race and social science, I felt like the research needed to be fairly evaluated. I fully expected to come out the other side with my previously-held values intact...
...I didn't
You don't know what a gut-punch feels like until you're reading credible scientific studies proving you're part of a lower race. That the crime and dysfunction in your community is not a passing phenomenon, but is literally coded into many of our genes. That "smartness" isn't something you get by working hard or going to a good school, but something you're born with. That evolution has doomed the majority of people who look like you to a life of poverty and destitution. That the people who subjected your ancestors to the worst injustices in history were all proven right in the end. That your intelligence isn't a validation of the ideal of racial equality, but a statistical outlier, a confounding variable, an exception to the rule. How are you supposed to process that information?
I can't. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I feel like I've been force-fed something I'm not supposed to eat. I feel like everything I've ever known was a lie. I've been losing sleep for the past month. I can't operate normally in society anymore knowing all this information. I can't tell anyone because they'll think I've gone crazy or that i'm some kind of ebony Hitler
I know that if the world finds out about this, they're going to kill us. We'll be forcefully sterilized, and segregated from society just like during Jim Crow.
I don't want to live in that world. Which is why I'm probably going to end my life.
I'm a 22-year old, African-American male...and I think my race might be inferior.
First off, I'll admit I've never lived the stereotypical "black experience". I didn't grow up poor or in "the hood" or whatever. I was raised upper-middle class by parents who were both college-educated and had high-paying corporate jobs. I've also been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and throughout my life I've been characterized as very bright compared to my peers.
Even despite my "outlier" status among black people, I still took pride in my race. I was "woke". I studied African history and culture in my spare time, and encouraged others to do the same. I championed the cause of racial equality and social justice online. I marched with protestors during 2020. I believed that the goal of uplifting black people in America and around the world was achievable, and I wanted to dedicate my life to it.
As any person deeply involved in online culture wars, I was always aware of "race realism". I had previously dismissed as nothing more than blatant Nazi propaganda. But in the interest of intellectual honesty, as someone who wants to study race and social science, I felt like the research needed to be fairly evaluated. I fully expected to come out the other side with my previously-held values intact...
...I didn't
You don't know what a gut-punch feels like until you're reading credible scientific studies proving you're part of a lower race. That the crime and dysfunction in your community is not a passing phenomenon, but is literally coded into many of our genes. That "smartness" isn't something you get by working hard or going to a good school, but something you're born with. That evolution has doomed the majority of people who look like you to a life of poverty and destitution. That the people who subjected your ancestors to the worst injustices in history were all proven right in the end. That your intelligence isn't a validation of the ideal of racial equality, but a statistical outlier, a confounding variable, an exception to the rule. How are you supposed to process that information?
I can't. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I feel like I've been force-fed something I'm not supposed to eat. I feel like everything I've ever known was a lie. I've been losing sleep for the past month. I can't operate normally in society anymore knowing all this information. I can't tell anyone because they'll think I've gone crazy or that i'm some kind of ebony Hitler
I know that if the world finds out about this, they're going to kill us. We'll be forcefully sterilized, and segregated from society just like during Jim Crow.
I don't want to live in that world. Which is why I'm probably going to end my life.