Discussion why is self harm (non suicidal self injury) considered so horrible?

[mahoganylvr]

i'm really bad at regulating my emotions consistently. i can do it when it matters (at work, in public, etc), but when i'm alone i just fall apart. sometimes coping skills either just don't work for me, or i don't have the energy/time to do them before i feel like i'm going to explode. when that happens, it's easier and more effective to just self harm. cutting, scratching, pinching, and punching myself do the same thing as the other skills do, but with less effort. when i feel that pain, it immediately makes me feel better. it puts me back into the present and into my body. it makes me get out of my head because my body is paying attention to something else, and the brief moment where i'm more focused on the pain gives me enough time to slow down. i can think more rationally, i can breathe again, and my emotions get easier to handle.

i get why cutting and burning are considered problems, especially when it's extreme (deep cuts, cuts near veins/arteries, or burns causing nerve damage, etc.). i get why self harm is considered a problem when it is paired with suicidal intent as well. but in my case, i don't cut deep, i don't break skin when punching, scratching, biting, pinching, etc. i don't understand why people like me are considered problematic when we are just using NSSI as an emotional regulation tool.

other people self harm and get no pushback. binge drinking and smoking cigarettes are considered normal. unsafe sex and hookups are considered normal. speeding is considered normal. tattoos and piercings could also be considered self harm. there are so many methods of self harm that either cause or have the potential to cause bodily harm that no one cares about. so why are the "classic" methods of self harm seen as so bad? why is it seen as a behavior to correct instead of just another tool for emotional regulation? why is there such a horrible social stigma against it? i just don't understand. do any of y'all have a perspective on this?

 

[timf]

You are right, self-harm comes in many forms. Often is is done as a way to feel like you have some control in life. Ironically while this feeling can be positive, it often comes as other things worsen. If there are things that should be controlled but are instead ignored and allowed to worsen, it can even accelerate the feeling of the need to self-harm.

Many people escape their anxiety causing environments by reading fiction stories. This can be similar to self-harm in that it can neglect things that should be controlled. There are some environments that cannot be controlled or escaped from and have to be endured. For these, reading can be a way of entering a world where things are scripted and orderly.

While reading does not contribute to some of the negative effects of self harm, it also does not help one learn the skills necessary in life to control one's environment, such as how to negotiate with others. Frequently the "need" to self harm or otherwise withdraw is a result of awkward social encounters with family, friends, school mates, or even coworkers.

It is a shame that as children we are not taught useful skills like how to ask someone to back off, share interests, or even how to identify toxic people. Since we can be pretty ignorant of such skills, we are left to learn for ourselves through experimentation or help each other through forums like this.

 

[liquid jen]

Because the thought of intentionally directly harming oneself is typically not easy for somebody. Most people have something in the back of their head always trying to avoid pain. So the idea of somebody else doing that seems like they must be crazy. Honestly, I wish self harm wasn't so stigmatized. Me cutting myself and (sometimes) doing aftercare isn't near as bad for my long term health as someone binge-drinking or smoking as you mentioned. But, oh well, those are things that can be profited off of and we live in a society of hypocrites and zombies.

 

[imabirdfrfr]

I really dont get it. People get tattoos and peircings as a form of self harm

 

[lurk]

Self harm is an obvious sign of mental distress and suicide. It's more public and visible than other forms of harm. You could hide an alcohol, drug, or sex addiction much easier than blatant scars on your body. You can binge drink in the privacy of your home, then go to work Monday like nothing ever happened. You can't do that with cutting, they stay on you and hiding it takes more effort. They're both forms of escapism, except one has more permanent connotations than the other. People don't like seeing those scars because of what it's signaling.

I've been wearing hoodies since September.

 

[loakms8]

. tattoos and piercings could also be considered self harm.

I really dont get it. People get tattoos and peircings as a form of self harm

are getting tattoos self harm?

i thought its self expression?

i have no idea cause i am not a tattoo kinda guy

but i thought people get tattoos to better express themselves rather than self harming?

 

[LackOfDetermination]

Because the thought of intentionally directly harming oneself is typically not easy for somebody. Most people have something in the back of their head always trying to avoid pain. So the idea of somebody else doing that seems like they must be crazy. Honestly, I wish self harm wasn't so stigmatized. Me cutting myself and (sometimes) doing aftercare isn't near as bad for my long term health as someone binge-drinking or smoking as you mentioned. But, oh well, those are things that can be profited off of and we live in a society of hypocrites and zombies.

I quite literally didn't believe my sister when she was telling me about how she learned in her psychology course that people are unable to intentionally harm themselves, so we ended up getting into an argument about it, and my way of proving that 'her teacher was an idiot' was by punching myself in the face as hard as I could.... my face and hand went numb and I was out of it for a sec lol

Let's just say that back then I didn't realize how fucked up in the head I am.
Legitimately thought ts was normal

To absolutely no one's fucking surprise, I now cut... Funny thing is, it took reading a fanfic about sh to put words to the feelings I had buried deep inside and realize why I always punched my thighs, secretly liked being scratched and bit by pets, fantasized about dying saving my classmates from a school shooter and other such stuff, and occasionally banged my head against the wall whenever no one was home to hear. Totally normal stuff

 

[terriblememories]

Likely previously stated, I think the majority of it is people being disgusted by blatant signs of mental illness. It can be done as an expression of self-hatred, where punishing your body may not be the best outlet.

In my opinion, it can be bad due to the fact that you are repetitively placing your body under stress and inflammation. When this is chronic, the effects can add up over time. I wish I could stop due to this.

Inflammation is one of the biggest factors in speeding up process of aging.

 

[broken serenity]

Your first reply mentioned books and I thought that was funny cuz that was my escape until I was old enough to do whatever. eventually I did start sh but i don't see those habits as related. I guess escapism is my doc, cuz anything I'm using is a distraction, but IDK. Cool post reply.

Op, people are weird. Even outside a mental health context most people see the idea of liking or not disliking pain as either outright weird or oddly sexual. It's not something I bring up outside private conversations with partners. I'm tired of odd looks or creeping others out.

 

[kawaiAngel:3]

If it isn't even deep cuts I don't see the issue. Eating spicy food is a perfectly acceptable way to pierce through numbness so why isn't cutting?

 

[MephiticShadow]

are getting tattoos self harm?

i thought its self expression?

i have no idea cause i am not a tattoo kinda guy

but i thought people get tattoos to better express themselves rather than self harming?

Well, it fucking hurts. A lot self harm and self expression?