Venting Why is my ctb so complicated

[timetodie24]

I wish I could choose my method and date, and be done with it but it's out of my control. If I want to save other people and pay for my mistakes then I need to listen to those in control. I'm still not 100% sure on date and method that I'm supposed to use. The messages I'm getting sometimes conflict and not getting clear signs that I'm getting it right. But running out of time judging by the date they're telling me people will die. Maybe sleeping on it would help me think clearer but I can't. If I sleep then my parents put more microchips in me so I can't.

 

[ferrie]

I wish I could choose my method and date, and be done with it but it's out of my control. If I want to save other people and pay for my mistakes then I need to listen to those in control. I'm still not 100% sure on date and method that I'm supposed to use. The messages I'm getting sometimes conflict and not getting clear signs that I'm getting it right. But running out of time judging by the date they're telling me people will die. Maybe sleeping on it would help me think clearer but I can't. If I sleep then my parents put more microchips in me so I can't.

I'm sorry that you're still dealing with all of this. I get like 4 hours of sleep max, so I know it must be exhausting. Would you be able to sleep while your parents aren't home or in a room with a locked door? Even just getting a few hours in could help. Do you still think June is the date?

 

[timetodie24]

I'm sorry that you're still dealing with all of this. I get like 4 hours of sleep max, so I know it must be exhausting. Would you be able to sleep while your parents aren't home or in a room with a locked door? Even just getting a few hours in could help. Do you still think June is the date?

Thanks , I'm sorry you struggle with sleep too, I know it makes everything harder.
Yes, I can try to catch up on some sleep whenever my parents are out.
I don't know about date as now keep hearing things about July (mentions of the month by name this time rather than inferring from numbers).

 

[dolemitedrums]

I wish I could choose my method and date, and be done with it but it's out of my control. If I want to save other people and pay for my mistakes then I need to listen to those in control. I'm still not 100% sure on date and method that I'm supposed to use. The messages I'm getting sometimes conflict and not getting clear signs that I'm getting it right. But running out of time judging by the date they're telling me people will die. Maybe sleeping on it would help me think clearer but I can't. If I sleep then my parents put more microchips in me so I can't.

Jesus Christ man. This is psychosis. I wish you would try again to have it addressed...these weird beliefs can go away and you might even have a sense of humor about them in the end.

Please do not hurt yourself or anyone else over these beliefs. Nobody is putting microchips in you while you are asleep.

 

[ferrie]

Thanks , I'm sorry you struggle with sleep too, I know it makes everything harder.
Yes, I can try to catch up on some sleep whenever my parents are out.
I don't know about date as now keep hearing things about July (mentions of the month by name this time rather than inferring from numbers).

I hope you're able to get some rest soon then!! Sounds like a lot of info to parse through. Are you still having the pain in your foot too?

 

[timetodie24]

Jesus Christ man. This is psychosis. I wish you would try again to have it addressed...these weird beliefs can go away and you might even have a sense of humor about them in the end.

Please do not hurt yourself or anyone else over these beliefs. Nobody is putting microchips in you while you are asleep.

Nothing I can do . Specialists have confirmed it is not psychosis . Got the letter through today confirming discharge which said "we feel your symptoms are not in keeping with psychosis and that you would benefit from referral back to primary care mental health practitioner to do work around emotional regulation". I agree it's not psychosis and I'm happy with that. I'm not happy with them blaming my ability to regulate emotions given the issue is mind control not my emotions. They also said in letter " we talked about positives and your future planning" when I literally told them I can't make any future plans as against the rules and that I have to end my life. But anyway no point in arguing with them as their job was to rule out psychosis ,which they did, and that's fine. The rest doesn't really matter . Just have to see what PCMHP says . If she gets in touch in time . They said they were referring me back but letter just says I'd benefit from referral so not even sure they're doing it . If they haven't , I can't be bothered chasing it up anyway as don't see what she can do. She thought it was psychosis and they've said she's wrong so clearly she doesn't understand my situation or know how to help.

 

[RemainingDubious]

Specialists have confirmed it is not psychosis.

i'm not a specialist although i do think it is extremely unlikely

If I sleep then my parents put more microchips in me so I can't.

It sounds likely that this is the most likely explanation

Jesus Christ man. This is psychosis. I wish you would try again to have it addressed...these weird beliefs can go away and you might even have a sense of humor about them in the end.

Please do not hurt yourself or anyone else over these beliefs. Nobody is putting microchips in you while you are asleep.

Have you discussed your beliefs with anyone?

Have you asked yourself the following:?Who is supplying your parents with microchips? How do they prevent you sleeping? Who taught your parents how to implant them in you? Why would your parents agree to do so?

I need to listen to those in control. I'm still not 100% sure on date and method that I'm supposed to use. The messages I'm getting sometimes conflict and not getting clear signs that I'm getting it right.

Who is in control?
Are they really in "control" when they clearly can't even give you a clear date and method?

 

[timetodie24]

i'm not a specialist although i do think it is extremely unlikely


It sounds likely that this is the most likely explanation


Have you discussed your beliefs with anyone?

Have you asked yourself the following:?Who is supplying your parents with microchips? How do they prevent you sleeping? Who taught your parents how to implant them in you? Why would your parents agree to do so?



Who is in control?
Are they really in "control" when they clearly can't even give you a clear date and method?

Yes I discussed my beliefs with professionals in detail and have explained their opinions above.

Idk the details of how it works with the chips. They aren't preventing me sleeping, I try to stay awake to avoid them implanting them. My parents could be getting controlled too and believe they have to do it to keep me safe.
Those in control deliberately torture me by giving cryptic instructions as want me to suffer.

 

[happynot]

Therapy would help in a regular basis and also with medication most of those would disappear I think talk to a pro5

 

[timetodie24]

Therapy would help in a regular basis and also with medication most of those would disappear I think talk to a pro5

As I've explained above, I have already talked to multiple professionals about this. They didn't offer therapy or meds, I've been told I just need to work on some emotional regulation skills .
But I have had lots of therapy and meds in past for other issues and didn't help.

 

[RemainingDubious]

Idk the details of how it works with the chips. They aren't preventing me sleeping, I try to stay awake to avoid them implanting them.

Is it possible to sleep elsewhere? failing that since the chips are ineffective does it really matter if you get chipped?

My parents could be getting controlled too and believe they have to do it to keep me safe.

Do you believe that? If they are actually keeping you safe what are they keeping you safe from? Surely that's a good thing right?

Those in control deliberately torture me by giving cryptic instructions as want me to suffer.

How do you know? They can't be that powerful and have that much control since you've discovered their goal.

Surely if they wanted you to suffer so much they would make sure you weren't able to communicate with anyone since you could alert people to what you believe is happening which could potentially cause those in "control" to fail.

 

[timetodie24]

Is it possible to sleep elsewhere? failing that since the chips are ineffective does it really matter if you get chipped?


Do you believe that? If they are actually keeping you safe what are they keeping you safe from? Surely that's a good thing right?


How do you know? They can't be that powerful and have that much control since you've discovered their goal.

Surely if they wanted you to suffer so much they would make sure you weren't able to communicate with anyone since you could alert people to what you believe is happening which could potentially cause those in "control" to fail.

Nowhere else I can sleep. The chips are to track and control me so they are working. I worded it badly before sorry, the chips are nothing to do with sleep, I just meant they've been implanted whilst I slept so I wouldn't notice. Therefore I must stay awake to stop more being implanted.
It doesn't keep me safe, my parents are just manipulated to think that.
They don't care about me telling people on internet as has no impact. I can't tell family/friends or they'll kill them. They didn't want me telling professionals and would have harmed people if I was offered and accepted 'treatments' as that could affect control.
If I don't follow the rules then bad things happen to people i care about and I'll also be made to harm strangers. So they don't have to force me, just blackmail basically.

 

[happynot]

Yes but you talked to professionals they are still alive right? They are not so powerful, I think you need to find proper care for your difficulties...could you change the environment you live?

 

[timetodie24]

Yes but you talked to professionals they are still alive right? They are not so powerful, I think you need to find proper care for your difficulties...could you change the environment you live?

Only reason no one died is that I didn't get any treatment from professionals

I don't know what people aren't understanding. Have spoken to multiple professionals who agree I'm not ill and can't help. I have used all services available to me, it's not that simple to get more opinions on nhs . And no point anyway as they all agree this is situation that they can't help with . I want to die anyway so don't see the issue

 

[RemainingDubious]

Nowhere else I can sleep.

Can you not get a tent and find random places?

The chips are to track and control me so they are working.I worded it badly before sorry, the chips are nothing to do with sleep, I just meant they've been implanted whilst I slept so I wouldn't notice. Therefore I must stay awake to stop more being implanted.

So does it matter if you acquire more? If the chips are working effectively there's no reason for more.

They don't care about me telling people on internet as has no impact.

It could have more impact than telling a sole professional who could be on their payroll. This information could go viral and people could figure out who is in control and ruin their plans.

They didn't want me telling professionals and would have harmed people if I was offered and accepted 'treatments' as that could affect control.

Yes but you talked to professionals they are still alive right? They are not so powerful, I think you need to find proper care for your difficulties.

They are correct. Those in "control" only have as much power as you allow them to have.

If I don't follow the rules then bad things happen to people i care about and I'll also be made to harm strangers. So they don't have to force me, just blackmail basically.

Has any of that actually happened? If so what happened?

 

[timetodie24]

Can you not get a tent and find random places?


So does it matter if you acquire more? If the chips are working effectively there's no reason for more.


It could have more impact than telling a sole professional who could be on their payroll. This information could go viral and people could figure out who is in control and ruin their plans.



They are correct. Those in "control" only have as much power as you allow them to have.


Has any of that actually happened? If so what happened?

More chips for more control. I can't just suddenly go off, it'd be out of character and my parents know about past ctb attempts. So it'd just cause a load of problems.

And yes there have been consequences - people getting ill, hospital trips, health scares and a relative even died sadly. Too many situations to be coincidences. These all occurred after rule breaks and people who were ill were ok once I followed the rules again, apart from the sudden death which was due to too many warnings.

 

[RemainingDubious]

I don't know what people aren't understanding. Have spoken to multiple professionals who agree I'm not ill

i don't mean any offence whatsoever.
i know that sometimes the truth can be stranger than fiction but i personally struggle to believe that multiple professionals believe what you believe is happening, is in fact happening and you're not ill.

It sounds rather illogical, hence my lack of understanding especially when you believe yourself and others may be harmed due to whoever and/or whatever is in "control"

The professionals have a duty of care to yourself and others.

 

[KillingPain267]

Your parents sound like horrible people for planting microchips in you without consent! Have you asked them why they would do that?

 

[dolemitedrums]

Nothing I can do . Specialists have confirmed it is not psychosis . Got the letter through today confirming discharge which said "we feel your symptoms are not in keeping with psychosis and that you would benefit from referral back to primary care mental health practitioner to do work around emotional regulation". I agree it's not psychosis and I'm happy with that. I'm not happy with them blaming my ability to regulate emotions given the issue is mind control not my emotions. They also said in letter " we talked about positives and your future planning" when I literally told them I can't make any future plans as against the rules and that I have to end my life. But anyway no point in arguing with them as their job was to rule out psychosis ,which they did, and that's fine. The rest doesn't really matter . Just have to see what PCMHP says . If she gets in touch in time . They said they were referring me back but letter just says I'd benefit from referral so not even sure they're doing it . If they haven't , I can't be bothered chasing it up anyway as don't see what she can do. She thought it was psychosis and they've said she's wrong so clearly she doesn't understand my situation or know how to help.

The team of specialists let you down here. Mistakes happen. Show them or your PCMHP your threads on here if that's what it takes.

Your mind and life are being dominated by a psychotic fantasy and you deserve to be free of it.

 

[Ash]

I went to appointment and shared most of what was going on. She said she can't diagnose but thinks it's psychosis and will refer me to the EIP (early intervention in psychosis) team.

Assessment is on Friday so any tips for getting them off my back are greatly appreciated . I think I'm going to tell them that things are slowly getting better, will say voices are gone and starting to question my beliefs. Hopefully that sounds believable and then they will discharge me after assessment.

Thanks , hoping it works . Been looking at their referral criteria online too so just need to make sure I don't meet the criteria

Well I wasn't able to answer all their questions but didn't lie. I didn't say a lot but they have all the info from primary care nurse that includes stuff I didn't share today.

It's pretty obvious that you didn't share everything and have been going back and forth on here about lying in the assessment and convincing them that you're fine. I'm not surprised they dismissed you. What else could they do when they didn't have the complete story? Unless you're not telling us everything either? I mean, you don't have to be honest with *us*, that's not why this site exists, but it saddens me that they'll take the blame and blame themselves if you kill yourself when you're too ill to be able to open up and be honest.

 

[timetodie24]

It's pretty obvious that you didn't share everything and have been going back and forth on here about lying in the assessment and convincing them that you're fine. I'm not surprised they dismissed you. What else could they do when they didn't have the complete story? Unless you're not telling us everything either? I mean, you don't have to be honest with *us*, that's not why this site exists, but it saddens me that they'll take the blame and blame themselves if you kill yourself when you're too ill to be able to open up and be honest.

They won't blame themselves and they're not to blame anyway, they did their job and I believe them. they assessed me correctly so no blame there. They won't give me any 2nd thought regardless, you're naive if you think they do, you only have to look at inquests online where services actually were to blame and didn't care.

I was honest. I answered all their questions honestly. There were some things they didn't ask about but they did read on referral form . I wrote everything in note to PCMHP who sent it to EIP . I have a copy of the form and they had it on computer during assessment. I explained it in previous thread

These are literal excerpts from referral form , have cut bits out so went into even more detail. Then went into more verbal detail during appt. too :

"They can put thoughts and images in my head and communicate by a voice inside my head.They took control because I shouldn't be alive. So others will die in my place if I don't follow their rules. They watch me using helicopters too. think they've also put some sort of microchip / device in my foot. Eventually I have to die to save others. They gave me a cryptic message to decode that I think may relate to details of how. They also get aggressive and want me to hurt others, they will make me do awful things to others if I don't follow their rules."

Believe whatever the hell you want but I won't have people accusing me of lying when I didn't . I was thinking about lying in assessment but I honestly did not in the end .

 

[Ash]

I'm not accusing you of lying, just of not giving them the full, unabridged story.

 

[timetodie24]

I'm not accusing you of lying, just of not giving them the full, unabridged story.

I gave them full story, even details I haven't shared here .

Sorry not having a go at you, just tired of having to defend my reality to everyone here .

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Specialists have confirmed it is not psychosis

i'm not a specialist although i do think it is extremely unlikely

If I sleep then my parents put more microchips in me so I can't.

It sounds likely that this is the most likely explanation

WTF?

 

[RemainingDubious]

WTF?

It sounds likely that this is the most likely explanation

This is psychosis. I wish you would try again to have it addressed...these weird beliefs can go away and you might even have a sense of humor about them in the end.

Please do not hurt yourself or anyone else over these beliefs. Nobody is putting microchips in you while you are asleep.

Since

i personally struggle to believe that multiple professionals believe what you believe is happening, is in fact happening and you're not ill.

It sounds rather illogical, hence my lack of understanding especially when you believe yourself and others may be harmed due to whoever and/or whatever is in "control"

The professionals have a duty of care to yourself and others.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Since

So, this is evolution then? Meaning, your assessment has changed?

So has mine. I'm leaning toward this is all made up BS. If the OP would have told anyone in the medical profession that they had thoughts of harming others, the medical professionals have a legal obligation to notify authorities. Seems this has not happened. This entire thread, and the others posted by the OP, could very well be entirely fictional, meant only to get a "rise" out of the responders and for themselves. Too many things not adding up.

 

[timetodie24]

So, this is evolution then? Meaning, your assessment has changed?

So has mine. I'm leaning toward this is all made up BS. If the OP would have told anyone in the medical profession that they had thoughts of harming others, the medical professionals have a legal obligation to notify authorities. Seems this has not happened. This entire thread, and the others posted by the OP, could very well be entirely fictional, meant only to get a "rise" out of the responders and for themselves. Too many things not adding up.

Wtf would I get out of lying about this ? Do you think I enjoy this , it is a living hell for me .
If you think the response from professionals is unbelievable then you clearly haven't experienced NHS mental health services as it is common. There have been cases where services were warned about violent patients and did nothing so ended in murder and cases where professionals have encouraged suicide too.

I did initially post screenshots of my referral form here but I decided to delete them because honestly fuck you, believe what you want. I shouldn't have to disclose such personal info. I may be a loser and defective but I know I'm not sad enough to fake all this for shits and giggles. Even if I post them you'd probably accuse me of forging them or something. I don't want to spend my remaining days on here arguing with people, just needed somewhere to vent about this horrible situation that I have honestly tried so hard to get support with. What you believe isn't my problem.

 

[alltoomuch2]

So, this is evolution then? Meaning, your assessment has changed?

So has mine. I'm leaning toward this is all made up BS. If the OP would have told anyone in the medical profession that they had thoughts of harming others, the medical professionals have a legal obligation to notify authorities. Seems this has not happened. This entire thread, and the others posted by the OP, could very well be entirely fictional, meant only to get a "rise" out of the responders and for themselves. Too many things not adding up.

TBF, I'm in the UK under the NHS and know it is quite possible that if there is no immediate threat to themself or others there would be no consequences. The mental health part of the NHS is hugely underfunded and there are very few inpatient beds, so even if you attempt ctb you are very unlikely to be sectioned. Delusions can be caused by anxiety disorders and in my experience the NHS services would treat the underlying cause rather than delusions themselves. Which would mean addressing emotional dysregulation. I've talked to crisis team about delusions and they can be a trauma response too. They don't always mean psychosis.

 

[timetodie24]

So, this is evolution then? Meaning, your assessment has changed?

So has mine. I'm leaning toward this is all made up BS. If the OP would have told anyone in the medical profession that they had thoughts of harming others, the medical professionals have a legal obligation to notify authorities. Seems this has not happened. This entire thread, and the others posted by the OP, could very well be entirely fictional, meant only to get a "rise" out of the responders and for themselves. Too many things not adding up.

And when I find a way a to cut out the microchips then I'll have undeniable evidence for anyone who ever told me I was wrong.

 

[RemainingDubious]

TBF, I'm in the UK

Ditto

The mental health part of the NHS is hugely underfunded and there are very few inpatient beds, so even if you attempt ctb you are very unlikely to be sectioned.

That isn't entirely true. i was sectioned after an attempt to ctb early last year. i had mental capacity. i wasn't a risk to others, etc.