Venting Why is it so hard to take a shower?

[ILiveAlone]

Today I showered for the first time in a couple of weeks. I know. I know. It's gross. I won't go into too much detail.

I don't know why I'm so neglectful of my hygiene. Genuinely. I tend to flip-flop between struggles. If I consistently brush my teeth, I'll go days/weeks without showering. If I consistently shower, I'll go months without brushing my teeth. I can't do both.
I'm going to make sure that I brush my teeth later on, but I'm already so tired and the day has barely started and I haven't done anything, but shower. I don't want to do anything else.

That's the thing. I don't not consistently practice hygiene because I think 'I'm so sad. I'm not going to brush my teeth today. I'm so sad. I won't shower today.' Very rarely is it a conscious decision.
Usually, the time to brush my teeth/shower will come around and I'm like 'I'm too tired.' [to do it]--if I think to do it at all. A lot of the time I'll go so long without doing one or the other, it stops being a thought in my head ('I should brush my teeth/shower.').

Obviously I AM sad and I lack motivation, but why? Why am I so tired all the time?

 

[U. A.]

Brush teeth while showering.

​

 

[Good night]

I can relate to that, it happens to me too. If I'm not experiencing episodes of fatigue (where I have to stay in bed all day for weeks), I can be more consistent about brushing my teeth, but showering is more difficult for me. In my case, I would say it's a combination of causes: problems with executive function, episodes of depression, sensory issues, hardly ever socializing, and not feeling the need to be clean.

I do it when I feel strong enough or when "it's too much," but I try not to punish myself for it and to be more patient with myself.

 

[boyafraid]

I relate to your post and hygiene struggles ):

Sometimes it feels impossible for me to get into the shower or even brush my teeth. I pretty much have to force my body to do it, it really sucks. Brushing my teeth feels a little easier than showering most times.

 

[wantingdignity]

I feel for you the answer should be that "I need to brush my teeth and shower because my body deserves to be clean and my nerves deserve to have a chance to relax." But it's easier said than done, and it's extra hard if you have to exist in your head all day, or if you don't have anything else scheduled.

It might feel cheesey, but give yourself praise for being able to do this today. Depression is like playing a video game on the highest difficulty while everyone else is in easy mode. I bet it felt good to clean off the dead skin, rinse off, and brush your teeth. Focus on that. It will get easier over time. Don't beat yourself up for being in the early stages of healing (even if you've had to do this before).

 

[Dreamwalker]

Obviously I AM sad and I lack motivation, but why? Why am I so tired all the time?

It takes a lot of effort to suffer through being sad and not having motivation; please be gentle with yourself

 

[Dejected 55]

It's only partially about the effort... I think, for me anyway, it's more about the "why bother" of it all. I'm not trying to live longer, so there is no health-based motivation. Me at my best wasn't impressing anyone, so what's the point in putting in effort? I can be just as miserable without wasting energy on things that nobody cares about anyway?

It's not like taking a shower and dressing up fixes everything. It's just a mask... and underneath I'm a wreck barely able to stand and function... so what is the point? I'm only motivated to do things that curb more pain... so, teeth is something to be motivated for because I've had toothaches before and those are some of the worst pain you can have... and without money or insurance I have no way to medically deal with tooth pain so if I'm not dying tomorrow I need to take care of my teeth today. But showers, or lack thereof, don't necessarily cause any problems that bother me... so there isn't a motivating factor for me sitting here alone all the time to be concerned about missing a shower here and there.

 

[venerated-vader]

I have spent months not showering, in the past. it's got to do with energy level and, for me, OCD bullshit. It's hard to care about our hygiene if existence itself is grueling, and if every second of your existence is spent in constant emotional pain and suffering, having the willpower to get up and do something you don't want to do anyway is impossible. I get stuck on obsessive thoughts about how difficult it'll be to do, so I just give up.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

im the same way. i dont know why its so hard for me i really dont. but what i tell myself is that i dont have hatred for others when they struggle with it so i shouldnt have hatred for myself when i struggle with it.