why is it so hard to just talk about suicide even with suicidal people?

[deathismymeaning]

I have quite a lot of friends who are also suicidal, some have attempted and some have just been more passively suicidal, but when it comes to talking about how we feel and what's going through our heads I always get weird looks from them for being well versed in common methods that people think of when they want to hop on the bus, it's almost as if it's wrong to tell others how some methods have a very low fatality rate and usually just lead to more suffering.

I in no way would encourage anyone to take their own life, but if they are determined to go through a method that will just increase their suffering I will let them know about it.

 

[motel rooms]

I always get weird looks from them for being well versed in common methods that people think of when they want to hop on the bus, it's almost as if it's wrong to tell others how some methods have a very low fatality rate and usually just lead to more suffering.

People don't like it when someone bursts their bubble by telling them that most OD's, wrist cutting, drinking bleach & jumping into rivers from insufficiently high bridges don't work & that it isn't easy to ctb.

 

[waitingforrest]

I never really thought about this, but you bring up a vaild point. Even in group therapy sessions with suicidal people, talking about suicide makes everyone shut up. It's like suicide is a giant elephant in the room, it's there but no one wants to acknowledge it. I think that since suicide is considered bad, knowing a lot about it by proxy, makes you be perceived as bad. Just my two cents though.

 

[Crazy4u]

you may not encourage suicide, but they may feel more suicidal when you talk about suicide! the subject is scary for many people because life is hard and they don't want to think about it

 

[WatermelonMel]

A lot of people attempt on impulse, they may also just not feel comfortable discussing it with anyone. It's a touchy subject.

 

[Jaded Pear]

With some of the few people I keep in contact with, we never fully acknowledge suicide, even if we're probably all thinking about it. We can tell how the other roughly feels but we never have a genuine open discussion about the matter, because it's scary and we truly cannot help each other.

I don't want anyone I know or even don't know to actually die (and I feel like this applies to many others as well). It feels natural, but also hypocritical for me to want to ctb, but to also have the desire to drop everything and help a suicidal friend stay alive and find "happiness" which we're all one day supposed feel apparently. The sad truth is I'm not capable of actually helping anyone around me. I think I'm rambling, but at least with me, I want those who I care about to live an "ideal full life of nothing but happiness", and for myself I mostly want to disappear. It's easier to pretend those around me are okay than to actually help and achieve nothing or make things worse.

I don't want to greatly help a friend accelerate their suicide, because I greedily want them to live. I can't help them not be suicidal because I can't solve their problems, or offer true comfort. And I can't truly tell them about how I feel because I don't want to add to their problems.

That's roughly how I feel at least.

 

[*Psyche*]

There are plenty of reason people, even suicidal ones, may not like to talk about ctb.
In my own experiences with my friends, even my BFF & boyfriend, there has only been one person who I could ever be completely frank with about suicide. A lot of it was because I was afraid of scaring people away. There's also the fact that most people don't like to talk about such "morbid" things. Then there were others that I was afraid to say anything about suicide to, because I didn't want them to overreact & call the cops or some other people who could get me locked up in a facility.

Individuals who are ready to ctb but don't know about more effective & less painful ways to do so may look at a person discussing such things strangely, because they are possibly thinking to themselves, "damn, s/he has way too much time on their hands!" Or, "why do you know so much about suicide methodology?" I mean, it is kind of an odd topic to have expertise in.

Unfortunately, the friend I had who I was able to talk to about ctb passed away a month ago from natural causes. It was only by a stroke of luck that I was able to find this place around the same time to fill that void. For that I am forever grateful.

 

[deathismymeaning]

you may not encourage suicide, but they may feel more suicidal when you talk about suicide! the subject is scary for many people because life is hard and they don't want to think about it

ye i totally get that I don't typically ever initiate conversations about it, i was referring to when i enter a conversation with people who are already discussing methods.

 

[Circles]

I feel like we're all in our own little personal hells that is individually wrapped up into an indescribable mess where most people including suicidal people won't be able to understand. Of course there's a lot of things we share and have in common, but what we specifically experience and feel is different and unique to us and us alone.

As for talking about methods that would fail, I think there's no problem with informing the risks to your friends of what actually happens with these botched methods especially most of the time. Because people think suicide is easy when it's actually fucking hard to do especially with the methods that fail need a reality check sometimes.

 

[watsonsmith]

I agree with what @Circles said above – the state of a person's mind when considering suicide is often an "indescribable mess". It is simply difficult to talk about it to anyone beyond "I feel hopeless and suicidal". The underlying grief, anxiety or terror too difficult to address not to mention express. I believe that many of us would not be as suicidal or suicidal at all if we could only clearly communicate to ourselves what we are truly feeling inside.

Behind that mess there is often anxiety, grief, sadness, even terror, which we cannot put a name on. That's why it might be difficult to discuss it for many.

 

[oohiniyorafaad]

if you think about it, when or where is suicide ever discussed in society, in friend groups, amongst families, in schools other than to "educate and prevent" and talk to someone if you feel this way (as if that will completely change the way someone feels)? that's where we are. it is a hushed taboo topic that people would rather not talk about. Even suicide prevention is bullshit, downstream approach just put barriers on bridges so people don't jump. But society's attitudes on suicide are the same. And nothing matters until you are suicidal because that is when all hell breaks loose. nobody wants to know that someone has ended their own life. it's laughable and atrocious and it really makes me sick
Other than in my head or in my own notes, I have never had deeply frank conversations about suicide (not assisted suicide or MAID) or harm reduction with regards to suicide

 

[Dragon's Heart]

It might stem from being bombarded with thoughts and judgments that it is not a good place to be, thus, most people feel they should steer clear. Stuff like this brings on shame and embarrassment that these thoughts exist and makes it even more difficult to communicate about it. In a way, I'm glad I read the article in NYT because I didn't know websites as this one existed and I'm glad to have the space to discuss without someone feeling like they have to save me. It's badly needed, despite a host of "professionals" that don't think this kind of access is healthy.

 

[Bleak]

Methods talk aside, it is a deeply personal subject that requires one to be very vulnerable, unless you are just discussing it in a philosophical manner.

 

[AnonymousS]

I never really thought about this, but you bring up a vaild point. Even in group therapy sessions with suicidal people, talking about suicide makes everyone shut up. It's like suicide is a giant elephant in the room, it's there but no one wants to acknowledge it. I think that since suicide is considered bad, knowing a lot about it by proxy, makes you be perceived as bad. Just my two cents though.

I agree, and think personally it's a lot better being out in the moment. Some common ground and possibly comfort may be had.