Venting why is it so hard to build relationships

[catmewomeow]

ive been trying to make new connections, but simply talking to someone is so complicated. ppl will say something indirectly and i wont be able to realize what they really mean till days after. and i cant tell if someone is being genuine or if they're trying to tell me something else.

recent example: i hung out with a friend at a restaurant. near the end of our meal she tells me that "we don't have to do anything else if you don't want to". i tell her its no big deal and we could walk to nearby stores to just look around. i assumed that she wanted to hang out more since the meal was small came incredibly quick (like, only 10 or so minutes to get and eat it), but didn't want to make me do anything we hadn't planned. though in retrospect, her telling me that we didn't have to do anything else was a way of saying she didn't really want to. now i wonder if i accidentally pressured her to hang out with me longer than she wanted.

another example that is less clear to me is trying to play an online game with a different friend. we played once when we realized we both had it in our library, and haven't since. ive asked, but he usually says that its because hes too busy. i once saw him online on the exact game a couple hours after i asked him to play. hes never invited me to play any of our mutual games, so when i reflect on this i can't tell if im just being annoying or he's genuinely busy.

i just wish people could be more direct when speaking. ive been trying really hard to push myself to communicate more and it just feels like im making people uncomfortable or annoyed. i wanted things to get better but i just want to give up because it feels like i cant do anything right

 

[jbear824]

It means it's a mood and agreed

 

[Blue Elephant]

i just wish people could be more direct when speaking.

So do I.

ive been trying really hard to push myself to communicate more and it just feels like im making people uncomfortable or annoyed. i wanted things to get better but i just want to give up because it feels like i cant do anything right

Or maybe they can't do it right.

People hide their feelings, it's normal, they are ashamed of who they are, they should be.

Your friend could have told you that she didn't want to hang out anymore but she didn't because she was ashamed. You shouldn't think much about it, a person like that not only that hid the truth but she could lie to you in the future. You're better off without her. This applies and will apply to countless other people you will meet in life. Most are nothing, fake and shallow and they know it and they hide and they lie.

You expect people to tell you the truth? Don't! But if they ever do, if you meet a direct and no-nonsense kind of person then that's who you should be friends with! Everyone else is just horseshit.

What games are you playing online?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I honestly think there is a chance that your friend was making sure that SHE wasn't inconveniencing YOU. Otherwise she would have made and excuse to have to go home right away. But that is besides the point. The point is that yes, it does become more and more difficult to read people. I think this is for a couple of reasons.

One is that internet communication/ texting has blunted our ability to talk in person. Online, we can delay, edit and undo our responses. And we don't have other facial cues to go off of. The other reason is aging. I think as we get older, out sense of being considerate/overconsiderate/overanalytical about our interactions others become more difficult because our data bank of things to analyze grows with experience. That is why so many people like me that are older have such a small circle of friends, if any. At the of 44, I try to avoid human interaction as much as possible.

The last reason goes back to one of the fundamental reasons why I think so many of us are suicidal. We just care too much about...well, everything. Our brains and hearts are wired differently. If you look at people that are selfish, or don't care or are just plain oblivious, they don't struggle with these types of anxiety disorders.

As for your gaming friend, I would give him the benefit of doubt. I just think a lot of people just want to game in solitude. Nothing to do with you. For many, it's a stress reliever and they just want to do something mindless. On chess.com, I never acept friend requests for this very reason. Or perhaps your friend was afraid to ask you to get online because you got on much earlier and he didn't want to keep you online. Or maybe they want to behave certain way when gaming and don't want you to see.

You may want to look into getting on an anti-anxiety medication if the constant overanalysis is debiliating for you. I have tried many of them and venlafaxine seems to works best for me. The only drawback is that is you ever decide to stop taking it, it has to be strict weening and theside effect include brain zaps and nausea for a couple weeks.

 

[catmewomeow]

Your friend could have told you that she didn't want to hang out anymore but she didn't because she was ashamed.

i feel like she was just trying to tell me without coming off as rude, and i just was just oblibious. or she kinda expected me to leave after we ate regardless of how long the wait was

What games are you playing online?

stardew valley, mainly.

You may want to look into getting on an anti-anxiety medication if the constant overanalysis is debiliating for you. I have tried many of them and venlafaxine seems to works best for me. The only drawback is that is you ever decide to stop taking it, it has to be strict weening and theside effect include brain zaps and nausea for a couple weeks.

ive been thinking about going to the psychatrist since i haven't in a long time. thank you for the recommendation, ill take note of it

 

[Blue Elephant]

i feel like she was just trying to tell me without coming off as rude, and i just was just oblibious. or she kinda expected me to leave after we ate regardless of how long the wait was

Yeah, people expect you (us) to read thoughts like we're some bloody magicians and then they get angry when we read them wrong because they can't use fucking words to communicate. Why do we have words anyway? Let's just revert to cave men and cave women!

stardew valley, mainly.

Oh! I heard many good things about this game and even though it's not my type I still found a way to enjoy it. I keep listening to this on repeat and I just cannot get enought of it! <3

 

[TooConscious]

I assume it's because people are many different people in spirit because of the amount of connection with the internet. Perhaps more connected but more alone.but as I said people are different on the day and depending on how they're feeling it effects how they respond to you and vice versa. I've ruined relationships due to not managing my mood. We can only do our best as human beings. It's just that the privileged ones tend to be the most entitled and this is atrocious humans who think they deserve more than another few or the same existence.