DelicateLupus
The Wolper
- Jun 29, 2026
- 8
After a year of being there for everyone no one is there for me like usual its that over and over and over and over. I loved them so much and they said they loved me and we used to cuddle up together and I thought I wasnt ever going to be alone again and now I am so so so alone and I'm tired of being told that I'm just supposed to be okay with that. I work with someone who is hateful and cruel and selfish and he has so many friends that visit him at work, I have a coworker who never showers brushes their teeth smells awful all the time and they have a boyfriend and everyone tells me I'm just lovely that im fine but when's my fucking turn. There's something so wrong with me that people can just tell with a primal animal sense and reject me. I just love all wrong. And then I'm there comforting these people constantly and then one day they reject me and they still want my love? I'm like a dog or a toy except I'm broken so no one ever wants to play with me.
And when I say that I have these two and im scared im so scared they are gonna leave everyone says its BPD that I'm just crazy and yet it happened it did and they tell me themselves I did it all right, that its not my fault I did what I was supposed to THEN WHY ARE YOU LEAVING JUST TELL ME WHY WHY WONT ANYONE TELL ME ANYTHING WHY AM I SO FUCKING ALONE
I have SN finally I ordered Meto online be here in a month probably I just wish I could get Benzos but its so hard. In and out of mental health care for fucking years and the strongest thing ive ever gotten prescribed is an antihistamine because all the doctors must want me to suffer. I wish I could just get them but I cant have them shipped because I dont live on my own and I know nobody that could tell me a dealer its so fucking frustrating because I know without them ill fuck it up somehow I know it ill call somebody ill do something stupid because I just to be loved. I dont want to die i just want to be somebodies priority once. But instead I have to just ctb because I cant take the pain. I wish I could just get everything I need I wish I just had it here right now. If it was just about money itd be fine but instead I just feel so helpless. Why does dying have to be so hard.
And when I say that I have these two and im scared im so scared they are gonna leave everyone says its BPD that I'm just crazy and yet it happened it did and they tell me themselves I did it all right, that its not my fault I did what I was supposed to THEN WHY ARE YOU LEAVING JUST TELL ME WHY WHY WONT ANYONE TELL ME ANYTHING WHY AM I SO FUCKING ALONE
I have SN finally I ordered Meto online be here in a month probably I just wish I could get Benzos but its so hard. In and out of mental health care for fucking years and the strongest thing ive ever gotten prescribed is an antihistamine because all the doctors must want me to suffer. I wish I could just get them but I cant have them shipped because I dont live on my own and I know nobody that could tell me a dealer its so fucking frustrating because I know without them ill fuck it up somehow I know it ill call somebody ill do something stupid because I just to be loved. I dont want to die i just want to be somebodies priority once. But instead I have to just ctb because I cant take the pain. I wish I could just get everything I need I wish I just had it here right now. If it was just about money itd be fine but instead I just feel so helpless. Why does dying have to be so hard.
