Venting why is dying so difficult

[wigglescat]

Im 21F and a new member!
I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was around 11.
After watching my dad pass away to his battle with cancer, my mental health has severely declined.
I'm struggling to live and my depression makes it impossible to do anything but sleep.
When I'm not sleeping I just find myself in pain, grieving and thinking of ways to end my life.
I'm not really living anymore and I've come to terms with the fact I want to die.
I've been using SS and the handbooks to look into more effective methods as I was just planning on overdosing on a cocktail of OTC meds but realised that was pretty dumb and wouldn't actually work.

The more I research the more I realise how difficult it is to peacefully end your life.
The idea of jumping or hanging does scare me a little and I don't want a painful end.

overdosing seems a more passive method.
But effective pills seem almost impossible to source in the uk.
I really just want a peaceful way out.

 

[maketner]

I was just thinking of the same post. I have been trying partial hanging to no avail and am limited on means. It truly is so difficult to end your own life. Maddening. Best wishes.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I also just wish for a peaceful way to cease existing, all I want is to never suffer in this dreadful, torturous and deeply undesirable existence ever again and I see so much cruelty in how the option to cease existing peacefully is denied, all I hope for is to be gone, I hope you find peace.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

hi, new member here as well. it sucks when you truly realize just how helpless it can be when there is possibly no real way to die peacefully (and our few options are already being taken away by all the prolife-junk normies in this society). i had a breakdown one time when i thought about it (although now that i think about it, i probably might've ctb'd on impulse if there was an opportunity). even now that i have a plan, i'm worried i could be unlucky and fail someway or another

best wishes for you, and i hope you find the peace you deserve someday

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

carbon monoxide seems like the only method that I'll be able to do on my ctb day that wont be painful or make me suffer. granted, if i do it right.

Im gonna vacation to japan before i ctb so i cant just buy a gun and shoot myself, the night night method sounds like it might be another good pick from what ive read. I tried practicing last night, feeling around for the "sweet spots" on the sides of my neck that are supposed to make you pass out in seconds but i couldnt find them.

still, while it felt weird, it didnt really hurt and didnt make me panic, so i figure if i tried it for real it could probably be relatively peaceful and painless. especially if i get blackout drunk beforehand. regular hanging sounds kinda scares me too much to attempt it. i heard that if you drop from high enough that it can break your neck, idk if that will be an instant death or not though.

jumping off something high like a bridge or building might work if its tall enough, albeit a bit messy. but for what i want, im gonna try and stick with carbon monoxide. and if that doesnt work, ill just keep trying other methods until i finally catch my bus