Discussion Why is being 'selfish' bad?

[olvalgon]

At first I got mad when people said this but now I'm just bewildered. Some have actually called me a sociopath becauase I don't care how it will affect others (I attended the funeral of my basketball coach who ctb'd).

Why would I care about it being selfish when I won't be here? The thing is, I was never taught not to be selfish when growing up at all and find it quite juvenile when someone says "That's selfish" not just about suicide but anything else.

 

[Makko]

No one likes selfish people because they are harder to reap benefits from.

 

[ConfusedAndWeird]

If you think long and hard enough about it, "selfish" is a meaningless word because everything we do is inherently selfish. People do things because they themselves want (or are forced) to do it. Every choice we make is selfish. Even volunteering at charities is selfish because the primary motivation for that is to satisfy a personal desire to "be a good person".

What they probably mean is that they see you "benefitting" from suicide while they suffer and they aren't happy about it. Which ironically is a telling statement because anyone who says it is implying that they would want to commit suicide as well in your shoes, because they are saying they see the benefit of doing it. I feel disappointed that "live and let die" is not a popular viewpoint and that we must "force" others to live in some sort of messed up mass prisoner's dilemma.

So yeah, your irritation is understandable because calling you selfish means absolutely nothing except conveying hostility to you while you're at your lowest point.

 

[316]

"if I have to live in this shithole then so do you. How dare you have the audacity to actually do something about it"

 

[arelia]

It's an interesting question. Most people here seem to stop caring because they don't see anyone caring about them because whether we like it or not, relationships are about give and take; respect, love, time...
If you become a black hole of doing nothing but taking from others then you are selfish because of what relationships are about. If you only think of yourself but when reminded you'll do stuff for others then you're just self centred.
If you're a sociopath then you're a sociopath, if you're just selfish then you're just selfish. Either way, if people stop wanting to be around you because you're an effort, well you're not going to care are you as I'm sure you'll find others who will give their time and effort without any kind of feedback.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Selfishness is largely based on perspective. Virtually every human interaction is an exchange between multiple parties; each side is trying to achieve the better outcome for themselves at the expense of the opposition, so everyone involved is acting out of self-interest. The issue is that we tend to not see ourselves as such - only others. If you receive the good end of a transaction then it is selfish of you from the view of the person who you are dealing with; likewise if you receive the bad end of that transaction then it is selfish of the other person from your view. This means that "selfish" is a word that we throw (sometimes angrily) at another person, because we are upset that we have not benefited from the situation. By thinking this way though we are, ourselves, being selfish given that we are thinking about how our own interests and wants have been negatively affected by another's success; this same principle could be used to explain the concept of selflessness.

This is all a generalization of course. It does not take into account different personalities and the fact that there are certain individuals who might genuinely be altruistic.

 

[Meliæ]

Depends of what you call selfish

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be argued that everything we do is selfish, it is the way humans naturally are. Every action we do is to benefit ourselves in one way or another. I think people see being selfish as 'bad' when our actions have an negative impact on others, and it means that somebody else is disadvantaged in one way or another.

In the case of suicide, often the people, most likely close relatives who say that suicide is selfish, are in fact the ones who are selfish themselves as they want to keep the person alive just for their sake even if it is against the person's wishes. My suicide will negatively effect others, but I will put myself first as I have no obligation to stay alive as I did not ask to exist and suffer.

 

[Makko]

Depends of what you call selfish

Everything that isn't dedicated to kissing someone's ass

 

[Tomoko]

I've often found that the most selfish people complain about selfishness. The only person I know irl who has said suicide is selfish is also very manipulative and loves to guilt trip.

 

[Meliæ]

Everything that isn't dedicated to kissing someone's ass

Then I might be selfish but I call this '' safety''

 

[ITSCHRISHERE123]

At first I got mad when people said this but now I'm just bewildered. Some have actually called me a sociopath becauase I don't care how it will affect others (I attended the funeral of my basketball coach who ctb'd).

Why would I care about it being selfish when I won't be here? The thing is, I was never taught not to be selfish when growing up at all and find it quite juvenile when someone says "That's selfish" not just about suicide but anything else.

Who cares what people think, people are always going to have there opinions. But at the end of the day it's your life. You didn't sign a contract or no what you where getting yourself into when you where born so who cares. Screw them.

 

[PeaceDeathLove]

No one likes selfish people because they are harder to reap benefits from.

Agreed. It's impossible to exploit he who puts his own interests as a first and utmost priority. Unfortunately this is the type of mindset needed to thrive in today's society.

 

[watchingthewheels]

At first I got mad when people said this but now I'm just bewildered. Some have actually called me a sociopath becauase I don't care how it will affect others (I attended the funeral of my basketball coach who ctb'd).

Why would I care about it being selfish when I won't be here? The thing is, I was never taught not to be selfish when growing up at all and find it quite juvenile when someone says "That's selfish" not just about suicide but anything else.

You may appreciate THE VIRTUE OF SELFISHNESS by Ayn Rand.

From the introduction:

The title of this book may evoke the kind of question that I hear once in a while: "Why do you use the word 'selfishness' to denote virtuous qualities of character, when that word antagonizes so many people to whom it does not mean the things you mean?"

To those who ask it, my answer is: "For the reason that makes you afraid of it."

But there are others, who would not ask that question, sensing the moral cowardice it implies, yet who are unable to formulate my actual reason or to identify the profound moral issue involved. It is to them that I will give a more explicit answer.

It is not a mere semantic issue nor a matter of arbitrary choice. The meaning ascribed in popular usage to the word "selfishness" is not merely wrong: it represents a devastating intellectual "package-deal," which is responsible, more than any other single factor, for the arrested moral development of mankind.

In popular usage, the word "selfishness" is a synonym of evil; the image it conjures is of a murderous brute who tramples over piles of corpses to achieve his own ends, who cares for no living being and pursues nothing but the gratification of the mindless whims of any immediate moment. Yet the exact meaning and dictionary definition of the word "selfishness" is: concern with one's own interests.

If it is true that what I mean by "selfishness" is not what is meant conventionally, then this is one of the worst indictments of altruism: it means that altruism permits no concept of a self-respecting, self-supporting man—a man who supports his life by his own effort and neither sacrifices himself nor others. It means that altruism permits no view of men except as sacrificial animals and profiteers-on-sacrifice, as victims and parasites—that it permits no concept of a benevolent co-existence among men—that it permits no concept of justice.

To rebel against so devastating an evil, one has to rebel against its basic premise. To redeem both man and morality, it is the concept of "selfishness" that one has to redeem.

Ayn Rand The virtue of selfishness: a new concept of egoism (Kindle Locations 122-123). Signet/New American Library.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

No one likes selfish people because they are harder to reap benefits from.

Agreed. It's impossible to exploit he who puts his own interests as a first and utmost priority. Unfortunately this is the type of mindset needed to thrive in today's society.

The problem is realizing this too late in life after the damage has already been done. Being trusting and caring means exposing yourself to people who will exploit you mercilessly.

After you get screwed over enough times you completely close yourself off to others and society in general. Everything in life is about accumulating power. Those who get left behind realize it way too late and can't do anything about it.

Something schools, teachers and parents will never tell you but is the fundamental law governing nature and life.

 

[facel]

The problem is realizing this too late in life after the damage has already been done. Being trusting and caring means exposing yourself to people who will exploit you mercilessly.

After you get screwed over enough times you completely close yourself off to others and society in general. Everything in life is about accumulating power. Those who get left behind realize it way too late and can't do anything about it.

Something schools, teachers and parents will never tell you but is the fundamental law governing nature and life.

This is so, so true. Wise words indeed.

 

[Seafoam]

I've been Prioritizing others my whole life. It's gotten me absolutely nowhere.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

This is so, so true. Wise words indeed.

Look at us now struggling helplessly in a system whose rules and punishments were already decided for us by people with power. Everything in life is about power and control if you break it down to its most fundamental parts. Every relationship and interaction is bound by this law. If you don't recognize it then you are being exploited without even knowing it.