Why I want to commit suicide

[deadhead12!]

Hello all. I'm 25 and had to declare bankruptcy after a manic episode that wrecked my life. I don't know how I'm supposed to afford the cost of care for bipolar disorder because psychiatrist is so expensive and it is overwhelming to have think about what a life with bipolar disorder means. In my mania, I pushed all my friends away. To be 25, and have no lasting relationships just feels horrible. In my stupidity, I abandoned my car full of all my belongings and flew across the country. Losing everything I had but the cloths on my back. I can hardly dress myself to leave the house.

My family is sick of my telling them I want to die. I think they might kick me out soon.

I used to be so smart. I graduated college with a 4.0 and had awards from the white house for my community service and now my life is a joke. Everyone thought I would grow up to be so successful but I just worked so hard I never experienced childhood and coming to the realization that I'll just work and be a zombie to corporate america.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Kind of in the same boat. Have an Engineering Degree and lots of potential but my trauma and my OCD just killed it. I never really liked living anyway, even if my life hasn't been that bad on paper the good times were always just "OK" and the bad times hit hard.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

A degree means nothing. It's so sad to see that we've been tricked into thinking that once you get a degree, it is a ticket to success. The same with hard work. Those are the two biggest lies told to us as kids. Neither of those you get you anywhere but being a hardworking slave for little pay.

 

[carac]

Similar thing here, issues earlier on in my life (when I was 18) lead to a lot of trauma and anxiety, I'm 46 now and only just working it out. I've wasted so much of my life and never got anywhere near my full potential and the causes are all hidden so people just think I'm a loser who doesn't try. Honestly though I've learned to not care much about what others think and just appreciate the simple things in life.

 

[theboy]

I also have bipolar but I haven't had those kinds of episodes.
I'm sorry to read that you lost your stuff. I really empathize with your pain. On the other hand, I believe you can still heal the damage. You could talk to your family about keeping you in their home for a while.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds like such an awful and dreadful situation to be trapped in, existence is just too cruel and I understand why that would make you wish to be free from everything. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I hope you can find peace!

 

[Namensjemand]

I feel the "face the ruin of your life due to mania" vibe. Totally get it. Suicide is just on the table. I don't understand your health care situation. But I believe your condition is treatable fairly well.
26 is a cool age. You still got all the options, IMO.

Sure work sucks. Life kinda sucks. But that isn't anything new.