gonefornow
Member
- Feb 4, 2024
- 7
. I genuinely don't see myself going anywhere in life I'm honestly just a pathetic excuse of a person I've been told it before and I fully agree with them on it i have no actual friends i hate most people who are currently in my life (family) and anyone who doesn't decide to become my friend (online or irl) I am just an annoying thing that won't leave them alone. I just want to feel like I'm actually something to someone. I want to give my life some type of purpose. I have been in two relationships recently one lasted three months before they broke up with me because there was kinda a distance between us and they don't do good with long distance relationships apparently. I felt like they stopped liking me a few weeks before we broke up they were distant and more closed off. It hurt but i never said anything about it. I don't like hurting others. I would rather bottle up what I feel like then have someone else be hurt over my emotions. My second one. We broke up after less then a week. Because their mental health wasn't good enough to be able to keep a relationship. I understood that. I feel like my mental health isn't good enough for a relationship but i seem to just jump for any attention or love that i can get. Even if it's only for a little while. Why am i like this? It just hurts me in the long term. I don't really have anyone to talk to about how i feel. I don't like being vulnerable with my family. They always hurt me the most when I'm vulnerable or at least it feels like they do. I'm a fucked up person that begs for any type of attention and love that they can get. Sometimes I sexualise myself to get that attention. I'm disgusting I know what i do is wrong yet I still do it and feel shitty after. I genuinely don't think i can get better my only option is to ctb that feels like my only option. I have been in therapy and I just never really helped. I wish i was normal
