Why don't people understand this ?

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've been suffering from clinical depression since age 7 and have been suicidal since age 9.
Yet the normies of this world don't understand that my main reason for wanting to die is due to an existential crisis that I have been suffering from since age 20.
When younger, I have had periods of recovery from depression and once had a very well paid job, and a girlfriend and all the usual stuff that is supposed to make people happy, yet none of these things ever took away the feelings of dread concerning existence.
Yet people insist that nowadays because I am a lot older and am living in poverty and have nobody that gives a fuck about me that my reason for not wanting to exist is situational.
Even if I won the lottery, I still wouldn't want to exist.
I want nothing from this world.
Not now, not ever.

 

[Cage]

I feel the same as well. Luckily I've been quite fortunate enough not to ever worry about poverty or anything of the sort, in fact I've been quite materially and financially secure all my life. I have every reason to be happy yet I've never been able to really relate to people, or find a friend group, or make connections, or do any of that usual stuff that is considered "healthy" or "human" or whatever else.

I think it's because I've realized just how much suffering and barbarity plagues this world, especially humans. Other animals are different I think because they don't have that same advanced cognition we have, but the human world is just not a world I feel entitled to living in. It's funny, there are many moments where I feel briefly happy or motivated, whether it's because I watched a good show or had a nice night with a family member, but ultimately those moments are just distractions from all the horrible shit constantly going on around us, and there is nothing we can fundamentally do to change it.

Even if I had everything I ever wanted, none of it would even begin to soften the hatred I feel for the injustice of this system. The only coping mechanism is just to block it out, but that never lasts long and I rightfully feel guilty after doing it.

I can't look at anything happy or good without feeling this intense hate. I see people hanging out having fun, I'm watching a nice feel-good show, I'm walking through a nice part of town, I'm doing something creative, I'm watching a funny video; and while the happiness may be there, it ultimately always gives way to sadness and hate, that the world is so shitty that most people will never get to experience these things, let alone be distracted by them.

There is nothing anyone can say or do to change what is simply fact. If they can live with themselves for enjoying their shitty pampered lives, that's their cross to bear. I don't think I can do it much longer though.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I feel exactly the same way.
People say I'm too sensitive and think about the state of the world too much.
Yet how can people go through life seemingly oblivious to the massive amount of suffering that is going on in this evil world ?
I despise everything about this human freakshow.
I need to be gone from it forever.

 

[Cage]

I feel exactly the same way.
People say I'm too sensitive and think about the state of the world too much.
Yet how can people go through life seemingly oblivious to the massive amount of suffering that is going on in this evil world ?
I despise everything about this human freakshow.
I need to be gone from it forever.

Fr

Sometimes there are moments where I think "screw it, I'm just gonna do my best to be happy and not think about anything too deeply" and it does sometimes work for a bit. Ultimately if there's not much we can do to change things might as well enjoy what we can right?

But at some point or another it just gets too hard to put up. It can only last so long.

I'm always told that I should embrace all the privilege and good opportunities I've been given because most people would kill for them. But doing that at least in part involves turning your back to all the suffering that does exist. That I can't do. There's no reason for me to be alive when I've done nothing to earn this life

 

[FuneralCry]

I just wish it's accepted that not everyone even wants to exist, it would prevent so much unnecessary suffering if suicide is accepted as a valid option. In my case the true problem certainly lies in existing itself, I view having the ability to exist as a curse and a burden, for me this problem can only be solved by death. Existing just always fills me with dread as well.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

I feel exactly the same way.
People say I'm too sensitive and think about the state of the world too much.
Yet how can people go through life seemingly oblivious to the massive amount of suffering that is going on in this evil world ?
I despise everything about this human freakshow.
I need to be gone from it forever.

I don't think anyone who acknowledges and examines the atrocities of life, and/or wants to opt out of existence is "too sensitive" or "thinking too much." In fact, the vast majority is too apathetic, ignorant, stupid, mindless, illogical, cowardly, egotistical, anthropocentric, greedy, arrogant, controlling, deceptive, sadistic, and unempathetic to fully recognize reality. Unfortunately, the more a human keeps its head in the clouds of optimism, the more social rewards it gains. For most humans, the social rewards of conformity translates to increasing the quality of life, longevity, and reproduction. Consequently, increasing lifespans and procreation results in perpetuating, exacerbating, and experiencing more suffering.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I don't think anyone who acknowledges and examines the atrocities of life, and/or wants to opt out of existence is "too sensitive" or "thinking too much." In fact, the vast majority is too apathetic, ignorant, stupid, mindless, illogical, cowardly, egotistical, anthropocentric, greedy, arrogant, controlling, deceptive, sadistic, and unempathetic to fully recognize reality. Unfortunately, the more a human keeps its head in the clouds of optimism, the more social rewards it gains. For most humans, the social rewards of conformity translates to increasing the quality of life, longevity, and reproduction. Consequently, increasing lifespans and procreation results in perpetuating, exacerbating, and experiencing more suffering.

Well said, and true.