xXiloveyouXx
Nothing at all
- Jul 27, 2024
- 211
I can't take it anymore. The longer I use the site the more I see it. How evil it is to lock people up against their will for attempting to end their OWN lives of their own free will. Even just making it known that you're in despair enough to have suicidal thoughts can be enough for this authoritarian state to exert its power over you. For some reason this never clicked. The government shouldn't have that power. The constant surveillance, the fact that less painful ways to reliably die are illegal or are always being made illegal. This is supposed to be the land of the free? What a fucking joke. It shouldn't be any business of the government whether I intend to kill myself tomorrow or if I decide to live for the next 105 years.
I think living in a society that has operated under the logic of surveillance, with a neurotic, surveillance minded family has done something really terrible to my brain. When I'm not feeling anhedonic, I feel paranoid, anxious, always on edge. Always thinking "oh no, did I do something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Did I mess up? Is everyone going to find out this time? Did I displease someone? Am I going to be punished?" I'm a grown ass 25 year old man. Why do I have to live like this? You can't even decide enough is enough and that you'd prefer to leave either, otherwise they'll lock you up and torture you into compliance until you can pretend that you're happy enough to go back to wageslavery as a productive and ethical agent of capitalism- making or selling or transporting useless plastic bullshit for bored housewives to buy, or disgusting unhealthy food for the obese walmart scooter masses to consume. Not acting irrationally or impractically. Making the healthy choices. Enjoying but in moderation. Yet hardly ever doing anything of value, with no prospects of love or a future or a house or actual friendship to motivate you. Why the fuck should I do anything when this awful place is so empty and meaningless? They punish people for displaying symptoms of the issues they created.
I think what I can't wait for most of all when I die is that feeling of relief. No one can watch you or have power over you once you stop existing. Good luck getting me to stock shelves or flip burgers when im dead.
I think living in a society that has operated under the logic of surveillance, with a neurotic, surveillance minded family has done something really terrible to my brain. When I'm not feeling anhedonic, I feel paranoid, anxious, always on edge. Always thinking "oh no, did I do something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Did I mess up? Is everyone going to find out this time? Did I displease someone? Am I going to be punished?" I'm a grown ass 25 year old man. Why do I have to live like this? You can't even decide enough is enough and that you'd prefer to leave either, otherwise they'll lock you up and torture you into compliance until you can pretend that you're happy enough to go back to wageslavery as a productive and ethical agent of capitalism- making or selling or transporting useless plastic bullshit for bored housewives to buy, or disgusting unhealthy food for the obese walmart scooter masses to consume. Not acting irrationally or impractically. Making the healthy choices. Enjoying but in moderation. Yet hardly ever doing anything of value, with no prospects of love or a future or a house or actual friendship to motivate you. Why the fuck should I do anything when this awful place is so empty and meaningless? They punish people for displaying symptoms of the issues they created.
I think what I can't wait for most of all when I die is that feeling of relief. No one can watch you or have power over you once you stop existing. Good luck getting me to stock shelves or flip burgers when im dead.
Last edited: