I don't know, but it is. I've long had no reason to hope... but I cling to fantasy scenarios of being rescued by the woman I love... but I'm probably a matter of weeks before being in deep financial serious shit and getting kicked out of my house... which means I need to either be saved or kill myself in the next 1-3 weeks... and it's so damn hard to get there. I have a plan, hope it works, but it could fail... nothing is guaranteed... and a world of shit is coming my way in a hurry if I'm not dead or saved before then.