why does everyone care after it happens?

[chudeatte]

its so stupid. you could suffer so openly throughout your life and you could probably say 'hey, I want to kill myself' directly to someone and nobody gives a shit. its only when you do it do they act like they care. all of a sudden they were aware of how unhappy you seemed and go around acting as if they were your friend to make themselves feel better. part of me thinks this is for a more self centred reason. if they were aware before but didn't do anything or offer support, they have to live with the fact they failed to help and therefore indirectly played a part in it. I guess it's sort of like they have blood on their hands by omission if that makes sense. then they go around overcompensating to make up for the guilt they feel. its not because they actually care, its because they feel bad about themselves.

if only they make it clear they care when people are still alive. but then again, I doubt they genuinely care anyway.

 

[weni]

They're just reacting out of politeness. If someone says they want to end their life, saying "go ahead" would obviously make them look bad. Don't read too much into their reaction. They'll never truly understand

 

[_Gollum_]

Very few, if any, people genuinely care about you, and these are going to be the people whose fates are intertwined with yours (ex. partners, best friends, parents, etc.). Anyone else is just saying "I care" to feel like a good person or because they think it's the socially-sanctioned response, or perhaps because they'd like to think of themselves as the type of person who cares. I wish we lived in a world where people didn't feel the need to spout platitudes like this if they didn't actually mean it.

 

[Dejected 55]

Honestly, I truly think that IF people don't care for you when you are alive, they don't care that you are gone either. Most of it that happens after the fact, I believe, can be traced to either they miss something they used to get from you, and they'll find someone else for that... OR they do it because of the social norm of pretending to care so others don't think they are mean. Whether they are mean or not, they don't want to be perceived as mean usually.

Now, there can be a small faction of people who care about you now, but they don't know how to help OR they legitimately didn't know how bad things are for you because they have their own problems in life... and those people, they actually do care, and when it hits them that they missed a chance to try and help they feel legitimately bad. I think those people are going to be rare for most of us, but they can exist. Not everyone is horrible.

 

[chudeatte]

I get what you mean. I think I put it a little harshly because it's hard to trust others, but all these points are valid. its just hard to not see everyone as horrible when thats all others have been my entire life I guess. pessimism is my greatest enemy

 

[knickknack81]

I understand what you are saying I just think there is no simple answer to this. People that know you, even those who care about you don't want to see you harm yourself or do something drastic. But I think a lot might think "well, what can I do about it?" or they will simply think "that sucks, but they will get over it". I think it's so common for people to go through drastic changes they might just have random thoughts of CTB without actually acting upon them. But then when someone does (wether they succeed or not), the immediate response will be "oh my god, what didn't I do something". It's human nature to say something like this. But actually taking an active response is different. It would be nice if those closer to you would make the effort when you say you are struggling but often, people don't. Doesn't mean they don't care. At least that's my two cents. But I certainly get your feelings.

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

Humans do not enjoy being deprived of something they once had access to, even if they never paid attention to it when they had the chance to.

 

[ElTopo]

People don't want to put effort into others, in all my life I could probably count a total of two people avoid this description, but most people today mainly live for themselves and have no capacity of putting anyone else as prioritary in their life. Even if a friend dies, what gives, you have another one, everything is put on scales of convenience and helping someone is a big inconvenience.
After the fact they probably take interest because they are riddled with guilt, shame, and all the possible colors of grief, even if they didn't help out they are still entitled to feel bad about it though, I think it's normal, something like suicides echoes through everyone and changes everyone, it's kinda like a nuke or an earthquake, the nearest are more affected but even if you are far away you'll feel the collateral damage.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Agreed. Nobody on the planet gave a crap about me until I was so far gone I was going to off myself. Still very resentful about that. Could have saved myself Pain Had they just turned their back. Now I don't have enough to overcome SI. The misery hasn't abated mind you.

 

[ididnotconsent]

These people only show up at weddings and funerals. They don't care or reach out when you're alive. It's just about keeping up appearances by showing up to a important social event.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it can depend really. The ideal is that the person does feel comfortable enough to reach out and the other person does what they can to help them. Does that necessarily mean they don't still suicide? Not necessarily. Some people with what looked like good support still choose to do it. So, do those people that did help have more 'right' to mourn the person? Or, should they only focus on being relieved that their pain is over?

I just think we're complicated beings. The 'problem' with involving others is afterwards- if we do CTB- it seems they will be scrutinising what they did and didn't do. If they care even a tiny bit, that could well lead to genuine guilt.

Also, not to sound unkind but, how much support is the suicidal person going to need and, for how long? How many times did they tell their friend they wanted to die? I know myself that I could be an exhausting drain on a friend. I've worked out that it's kinder to spare people all that if I can.

Not everyone has the emotional strength, the time, the balance in their own lives to carry someone else. It's sad but, I just think that's the reality for a lot of people.

As to why they act like it deeply affected them afterwards, maybe it did. Again, we're kind of complicated animals. People can be in floods of tears when a celebrity dies. Why? They didn't know them. Still, it was obviously enough that their work touched them in some way. Also, these people may never have experienced a loss to suicide before. It may still shock them- even if the person had been threatening it. Again- if they'd been threatening it long-term- they may have started to doubt they would actually go through with it.

Of course, it could just be virtue signalling too or, trying to garner attention/ sympathy for themselves- as in- This experience has affected me deeply. I need everyone's support and admiration for being such a sensitive person- when, as you say- they may not have been at all.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

These people only show up at weddings and funerals. They don't care or reach out when you're alive. It's just about keeping up appearances by showing up to a important social event.

This reminds me of the point my mom always makes about death in general - why do people waste so much money on flowers for funerals? If you like the person that much you should do these things for them while they are alive to enjoy it

When it comes to ctb it's the act of making it look like you cared all along and tried to help. Just to make yourself look good.

 

[Nightfoot]

This reminds me of the point my mom always makes about death in general - why do people waste so much money on flowers for funerals? If you like the person that much you should do these things for them while they are alive to enjoy it

When it comes to ctb it's the act of making it look like you cared all along and tried to help. Just to make yourself look good.

Virtue signaling is, unfortunately, popular. Some may even have themselves convinced that they cared.

 

[fedup1982]

It's a bit like how a frog is put in water that is slowly boiled, they won't jump out and will die.

People get used to a person saying they're suffering and it just becomes noise. They feel like they're doing their part just by listening.

But once you try to kill yourself, all hell breaks loose because nobody wants to be responsible for someone's death

 

[Kassender]

It to look good, they don´t care anymore than they used yo

 

[kopebaldy]

People don't know what they have until it's gone, also them sweet sweet internet likes

 

[DeadSouls]

I think people want to make it about themselves somehow and feel sorry for themselves while at the same time experiencing some small amount of guilt. They know they didn't care while someone was alive and even turned their backs on someone,saying a suicidal person was only looking for attention, they didn't see the signs (when someone is a WALKING sign), blah blah blah. Everything is blah blah blah.

Essentially,no one cares about anything but what they want to pay attention to and don't make time for anything or anyone else. Being slapped in the face with sudden awareness of that brings on guilt. Maybe.

Like, 'oh,but there was a football game,so....'

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

Because people need to feel like "good people." They're basically fake and constantly seeking approval.

 

[ididnotconsent]

Virtue signaling is, unfortunately, popular. Some may even have themselves convinced that they cared.

It's for sure virtue signaling or being afraid of being judged for not showing up.