Discussion Why do you yearn for death?

[rewoplrig]

What makes you want to die? Is it to end suffering of your mental or physical health? Do you have a some fixation about death? What makes you want to die?

 

[CatLvr]

Mostly physical pain. Even on my "good" days, which are few and far between, I still have enough pain that it limits how far I can walk, what kinds of games I can play with the kids, how long I can engage in the things I find enjoyable.

The physical pain has made the CPTSD from my childhood just that much worse. I put up what I consider to be a pretty decent facade -- no one irl has a clue how bad my mind is. It will all catch up to me one day, I'm sure, but until then I'll just try to keep my head above water while I'm riding the waves.

 

[helloandbye1]

My mental illness. It literally doesn't allow me enjoy my life, no matter how good it is.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I want to die because I believe that death isn't bad for the one who dies whilst me living is bad because I'm suffering. As for why I want an earlier death (i.e. suicide), I hold the pro mortalist position that an earlier death is better than a later death and I don't see any logical inconsistencies with this. After all, if I were to die today, I wouldn't have to suffer for the rest of eternity and I would be missing out on a time difference of my death caused by my ctb vs my natural death. Lets say that I ctb at age 20 and I were to die naturally at 50 had I not died at 20. Me dying at 20 is better since then I would be missing out on 30 years of suffering and pain. Since I follow the negative utilitarianism logic, this would be the best case scenario for me since I would have minimised my suffering by 30 years.

 

[yowai]

Being too tired to do anything meaningful and always being behind others in life because of autism. Also drug addiction, I don't want to use but I can't stand being sober either and sometimes the only way out of this seems to be just death

 

[TheHolySword]

I'm not happy. I've never been happy. I'm incredibly lonely and in mental anguish every day. Therapy and medication never helped. I've wanted to CTB for a long time, it's never gotten any easier or better. Now I've destroyed my life. I've destroyed friendships and a possible relationship. I have nothing to return to anyways. I'm tired. Tired of sadness and pain and loneliness and life. Tired of being tired. I want to finally be at peace.

 

[Namelesa]

Mostly cus of my feelings of emptiness which cause a lot of things to be boring and tiring but also cus of my feelings of guilt which make me hate myself so make me think dying is the better thing for everyone as I feel like I am a bad person. I am also scared about the future suffering I have to get through if I keep living. If death is non existence then that's what i want most as I will no longer be able to feel the disappoint and fear of desires not being fulfilled as well as future pain from anything.

 

[Yume Nikki]

Mental illnesses such as OCD, PTSD, and ADHD. losing interest in most of my hobbies. going on social media depresses me, watching the news depresses me (it's always negative) ghosted by two friends, going through a painful breakup from abusive ex, trauma from abusive father that'll haunt me for the rest of my life, crime increasing in my neighborhood, stigma against lonely people, competition for everything (jobs, partner, friend groups etc.) temporary happiness, false hope, and constant negativity.

 

[unknown_xav]

I have physical health issues, and have had continuous depression. But it's also fueled by my inability to fully integrate, I have had issues with being fully social with friends, and family due to personality issues. I also have the idea that life is in a way meaninglessness or absurd in a way, a feeling I mostly got after exploring out of religion as a got older, and went on with my curiosity. So I'd say there are different levels to my death, like a pyramid, from actual biological issues that have affected me, to philosophical positions.

 

[FuneralCry]

Because I have no interest in suffering in this cruel, torturous existence I always saw as the most terrible, tragic mistake, the thought of being trapped in this existence that was always so unnecessary in the first place just to die in agony from old age really is so horrific to me, existence is an abomination to me which is why I only hope and wish for death, under no circumstances would I wish to be enslaved in this existence, I personally see it as something so dreadful and terrible to be conscious in this existence capable of suffering to unlimited extents just destined to decay and die anyway.

For me existence is something completely undesirable in every way, I see existence as something that just causes harm and suffering and I just don't wish to suffer but rather I just want to be at peace instead, only the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep where I cannot suffer in any way and all is finally gone and forgotten about is desirable to me but more than anything I wish I never suffered at all. I find it a tragedy how this existence was imposed as never existing is perfection to me, I wish I was never forced into this existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for, I'd never wish to be conscious of anything at all, I only hope to never exist ever again.

 

[iloveduster]

I want to die because life is just not worth any of this.

I'm all alone in life and people don't care about my existence, I'm in constant mental and physical pain, I'm pretty broke and eat crap and sm more, so it all just builds up. I have nothing positive in this life, only pain and misery.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

Mental illness has destroyed my life irreparably, and it's only getting worse in the future so all hope is lost. I'm too tired to keep trying.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

will only divulge a few but I could write a 1000 page book on this.
my suicide would get me out of threat of extreme torture and solve every problem of mine instantly and forever. becasuse 1 nano-second of this horrific brain dies i will never exist again. so non-existence forever means no pain , no suffering, no problems no bad memories , none of the bad things i list below and more never of that . non-existence forever is the only guarantee of never suffering extremely . so only non-existence forever is the only absolute perfection the only perfection

This is all just my opinion
1. first of all i guess most humans can agree that some very horrible things have happened to humans unexpectedly kidnappings tortures ( Junko furuta an example but many ) , burnings all over bodies and remain alive many, blocked colon with cancer ( angelique flowers and others, cancer, alhheimers ( Terry Semel a billionaire of yahoo in the early 2000s) , constant unbearable pain, severe suffering, extreme torture, extreme suffering, depressio, heartbreak, severe bullying ( 10 year old hung himself because bullying was so bad, deaths of family members ( most people ) , incurable skin sores common in nursing homes as seen in "who by very slow decay" , romantic breakup or betrayal or unrequited love most people have had this suffering , tape worm parasites and other monsters inside me , oppression, false imprisonnments , torture, injustice, lies, dieseases,disabling accidents, stroke, brain injury, boredom, stress, chores, humilations, cringe, disappointments, .... these are just a few off the top of my head .

2. from #1 above now i get to imo the matrix. idk i guess they have most people believing that horrible things that happened to other people won't happen to them . imo nobody is immune to very horrible things happening to them any day

3. to me it seems most people believe that these extremely horrible things extreme suffering extreme torture unbearable pain won't happen to them . i guess otherwise why are not most people fighting for a right to die? and on top of this have no idea how bad pain can be . otherwise if they believed like i know how bad pain can be they would be in a constant state of fear of life . there is pain so bad 1 second of it makes everything else meaningless : but to me it's obviuos most people don't believe this and belive "but muh sandwich , muh youtube video.... etc is worth the worst pain. the worst pain far outweigh the fleeting pleasurable addictions.

4.most people i guess believe that life has meaning . to me life is meaningless torture. i am risking extreme torture pain so bad that the worst i can imagine the reality is a billion times worse every second for no reason. furthermore i have to work 15 hours per day a job chores only to risk extreme torture and to decay ( get old). i hate having to work 15 hours per day a job and chores all for no reason, groceries feeding this body 3 times day what for ? can't believe everyone is ok with this, how?

5. my suicide would get me out of threat of extreme torture and solve every problems of mine instantly and forever. becasuse 1 nano-second of this horrific brain dies i will never exist again. so non-existence forever means no pain , no suffering, no problems no bad memories , none of the bad things i listed above and more never of that . non-existence forever is the only guarantee of never suffering extremely . so only non-existence forever is the only absolute perfection the only perfection

plus all the evil in this world. on top of that they evily made this world a prison by making all gauranteed suicide methods crimes . i hate that this horror was imposed on me . i will never continue to live as a slave prisoner . i will be free. life is prison slavery torture an evil imposition

6. ok i could keep going on reasons why non-existence asap for me is the best thing by a trillion times including personal reasons which i haven't posted on this forum horrifically i posted general things that can happen to any sentient being.

all the above is true. but i don't care if i were magically given what most consider a good life i would never want to live or exist. i would never wish for consciousness / life / existence. i despise this world and life to the maximum degree. i would never want anything in this evil world and evil life..

non-existence is the oppossite of this evil life and evil world. non-existence forever is the ultimate bliss and ultimate perfection

 

[avalonisburning]

I was dealt a nonviable hand, I didn't play it very well, and now I think the best move I can make is to fold, walk away, and stop chasing a losing game like a sucker with a gambling addiction.

 

[L'absent]

Because it is the most logical and wise thing.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't like being alive. Existence doesn't really appeal to me.

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

Because my most beloved person is dying, my only other living family can't handle my presence in my grief, I have no other family/family friends/community/etc, and only a few relatively distant friends that live hundreds of miles away. (I have been severely disabled for a long time so my social networks are spread very very thinly.)

My life is my worst nightmare that I used to lie in bed fearing when I was a teenager, severely depressed and missing school. I am living my worst nightmare.

 

[failureofahuman]

World would be absolutely be a better place if I was dead, my inability to maintain relationships, fact that I'll never be happy

 

[Mortiaris]

Im 30 years old guy, never had gf, low salary, im ugly, no friends, basically i live only for my parents, but they not really care too. I suffer really deep depression, possibly some borderline and other mental problems. It hurts me to think, to work to do basic stuff. Every.night i pray to not wake up, i cant feel any good emotion. I tried psychiatrists and psychologists, but they help only if you have money( im from poland, and here if you dont have money for private medical care, then you dont have any chance to recover). I need to use strong meds to put myself to sleep, then even stronger to wake up and function..i dont want to live like this anymore. Just need some courage to end this

 

[depthss]

mostly a fixation/obsession with death. my life isnt too much worse than the average person's, i just dont want to be alive

 

[outrider567]

After being with someone for 35 years, then they suddenly die, not much reason to go on, and having all your relatives dead doesn't help things

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

I don't have much left. I've seen what humanity is willing to do to itself, over and over again, and now it seems that I'll be next on the chopping block. I want to die before my mental health worsens even further, the world moves further on without me, and before I end up in the deathcamp that my country is salivating to put me in.

 

[Darkover]

they can't fix brain injuries to me this is one of the worst things that can happen to you because you realize you weren't in control at all that the machine you thought you were is now gone and replaced with a dysfunctional brain, the brain—a part of yourself you once took for granted—can fail or change in such a way is deeply unsettling. It's like losing an integral part of your identity and control over how you experience and interact with the world.

 

[me_when_:D]

Being too tired to do anything meaningful and always being behind others in life because of autism. Also drug addiction, I don't want to use but I can't stand being sober either and sometimes the only way out of this seems to be just death

Does autism slows you down just socially or in other areas of your life too?

 

[yowai]

Does autism slows you down just socially or in other areas of your life too?

Socially and because of executive dysfunction which makes it harder to organize myself and achieve goals. Jobs or other activities where you have to interact with people are tough so I always avoided them. I started being home schooled at 12 because of sensory issues in school and became a total hermit thanks to that, missing out on interactions with other people my age etc. I tried being in a boarding art school but it was too much and I skipped 90% of classes, failed a grade, then couple years later failed a school exiting exam that's required to get into any university twice because I couldn't focus on studying.

 

[me_when_:D]

Socially and because of executive dysfunction which makes it harder to organize myself and achieve goals. Jobs or other activities where you have to interact with people are tough so I always avoided them. I started being home schooled at 12 because of sensory issues in school and became a total hermit thanks to that, missing out on interactions with other people my age etc. I tried being in a boarding art school but it was too much and I skipped 90% of classes, failed a grade, then couple years later failed a school exiting exam that's required to get into any university twice because I couldn't focus on studying.

how does pure autism inhibit executive functioning? just curious how pure autism works (I am AuDHD)

 

[yowai]

how does pure autism inhibit executive functioning? just curious how pure autism works (I am AuDHD)

I might be just like you so I'm not sure lol. I'm getting diagnosed in January because I'm suspecting that I have it but without the hyperactivity part. There isn't much awareness about adhd in my country so I had to talk to people online and read about their experiences to even get that idea, even when I asked my psychiatrist to make appointments for that he tried to undermine me because it's "trendy" now

 

[me_when_:D]

I might be just like you so I'm not sure lol. I'm getting diagnosed in January because I'm suspecting that I have it but without the hyperactivity part. There isn't much awareness about adhd in my country so I had to talk to people online and read about their experiences to even get that idea, even when I asked my psychiatrist to make appointments for that he tried to undermine me because it's "trendy" now

I don't have access to psycho-the-rapist (this joke is even funnier the 100th time!), but I am pretty sure.
Have been failing uni literally every semester past 3 years, so I was thinking I had pure adhd (failing is not the only symptom), but something always didn't line up, I felt like ASD didn't do me justice either, even tho I have related to so many autistic people I have met irl.
It only recently clicked in my head that adhd and asd could hide each others' certain symptoms.
(I also read the dsm-5, bla bla bla, I haven't diagnosed myself off tiktok lol)

 

[PlannedforPeru]

My way of throwing a tantrum for not being able to have the life I want.

 

[hereornot]

For peace and total privacy.