Discussion Why do you want to kill yourself ?

[Apep]

So, why do you want to kill yourself ?

Details:
I recently stumbled upon Thomas Joiner's tripartite model for predicting suicidality, which consists of: Thwarted belongingness ('I don't belong) , perceived burdensomeness ('I am a burden'), and the capacity for suicide ('the am able to kill myself'). I have fractionated the first two parts of the model into more specific items (based on my observations of various threads) for the purposes of attaining greater resolution on the issue. I then put these items into a poll.

I am also curious: what do you think of the model ? what do you think of my poll ? and what are your reasons for suicide ?

Edit 1: I should have made this clearer but I consider Health (non-terminal) to include mental health. My apologies for any confusion I may have caused

 

[Aeathelina]

I have a feeling non terminal & financial reasons are going to be the big two in the votes.
I picked those two options though personally I view mental illness as a terminal disorder given its long term effects on the body & QoL.

 

[Meditation guide]

You didn't put mental health problems, that's probably a biggie.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I put romantic relationship troubles as my main reason for ctb'ing, but my troubles are that I have never had a romantic relationship and know that I never will. Part of why I believe I never will have one could stem from how I also happen to recognize that I both don't belong anywhere and am a burden to others so that model does seem legit enough I suppose.

 

[Apep]

You didn't put mental health problems, that's probably a biggie.

I consider mental health problems to be part of Health (non-terminal). However, I understand that it is on me to make that more obvious

 

[InTheAirTonight]

The choices could be better

 

[Apep]

The choices could be better

How so ? I am genuinely curious

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I am also curious: what do you think of the model ? what do you think of my poll ? and what are your reasons for suicide ?

Well, since you asked...

I think the model is limited to certain types of situations.

I am suspicious of your poll because people reveal all day long their reasons, super easy to find out, but a poll is like dipping a line into a pond and picking out which fish one wants for dinner, maybe a pro-life dinner, maybe another kind of dinner. Just sayin'.

Also a bit suspicious when someone wants to know intimate information about others but doesn't volunteer it about themselves. People like to talk about themselves, may not notice when the listener isn't divulging, too, but is gathering data. *shrug*

I've never shared my exact reasons, only my rationale.

Sincere wishes for your well-being.

 

[InTheAirTonight]

How so ? I am genuinely curious

I would have added these:

* Depression / mental disorders
* Victim of bullying / discrimination
* Victim of abuse (sexual, physical, etc)
* Low self esteem / feeling inadequate
* Bereavement / loss of loved one
* Philosophical reasons such as nihilism

 

[Nymph]

Mental health issues

 

[All washed up]

Long term unemployment
Loneliness
Losing interest in living as ageing and achieved all you want

3 more possible triggers

 

[AutoTap]

My mental health sucks and I can't see it getting better. Yay anxiety and depression

 

[Caspers]

I recently made a list but it has 23 reasons why and it's still growing. Top reasons are probably brain injury (terminal psychological and physical disability), self esteem and fear of the future

 

[walktothewater]

I am being bullied to death by my toxic, abusive, evil family. I have no other choice.

 

[Apep]

Well, since you asked...

I think the model is limited to certain types of situations.

I am suspicious of your poll because people reveal all day long their reasons, super easy to find out, but a poll is like dipping a line into a pond and picking out which fish one wants for dinner, maybe a pro-life dinner, maybe another kind of dinner. Just sayin'.

Also a bit suspicious when someone wants to know intimate information about others but doesn't volunteer it about themselves. People like to talk about themselves, may not notice when the listener isn't divulging, too, but is gathering data. *shrug*

I've never shared my exact reasons, only my rationale.

Sincere wishes for your well-being.

Thank you for your reply and your well-wishes. I am curious which situations you don't think this models applies (if you don't want to share then that is fine).

The reasons I started this poll:
(1) To aggregate and classify the reasons why someone on this site would want to commit suicide in one place (as opposed to having it scattered across multiple threads).
(2) To get a better feel for why people on this forum want to end their lives and whether or not I am an anomaly or not. (This will inform my expectations of this site going forward)
(3) To understand whether Joiner's model and the way I have fractionated the first two parts of his model is a good way of conceptualizing suicidality. For if I understand the underlying drivers of suicide I have a chance of heading off any potential problems in my life which may cause me further distress (and consequently amp up my desire to die); And if I fail to understand the underlying drivers I may update my model of suicidality (through feedback) to be more in line with reality.
(4) To gain perspective. I find that gaining perspective and consequently extending compassion towards others is a good way of getting out of my head and mitigating the suffering I am experiencing (note: while I can do this on other threads I find this tertiary reason for posting this poll significant enough to include in this list)

The reasons I don't share too much
I am a rather reserved person both IRL and online and I am rather paranoid of being doxxed should I share too much information (see threads about certain users having the police visit them based on the information they posted here). It is for these reasons I am less forthcoming with personal information compared to other users.

I would have added these:

* Depression / mental disorders
* Victim of bullying / discrimination
* Victim of abuse (sexual, physical, etc)
* Low self esteem / feeling inadequate
* Bereavement / loss of loved one
* Philosophical reasons such as nihilism

Hmm ... this appears to be the most common criticism I have received so far. In my mind Depression / mental disorders and Low self esteem / feeling inadequate fall under Health (non-terminal) while Victim of bullying / discrimination, Victim of abuse (sexual, physical, etc) and Bereavement / loss of loved one fall under Relationships. I don't see Philosophical reasons such as nihilism falling under those categories so thank you for the suggestion.

Do you think the items in the poll are too ambiguous and broad ? What do you think about how I have made your list (partially) compatible with mine ? Am I being too generous in what I include in my categories ?

I am being bullied to death by my toxic, abusive, evil family. I have no other choice.

For what its worth I am here if you need to talk

 

[walktothewater]

For what its worth I am here if you need to talk

I live with my elderly mother, an abusive old witch. We were getting on ok in the last few days but she re-started her campaign of harassment and abuse this evening. It's been going on like this for years. Today she said, along with other horrible evil things, that my brother or sister had claimed I wasn't looking for jobs, but she refused to tell me which one. She says I am useless, don't make plans, blah blah.

My family is far more abusive than that of the novelist Edward St Aubyn. I look on him and his alter ego in his novels with envy.

The Real Life of Edward St. Aubyn

Writing saved St. Aubyn’s life. Years of psychoanalysis, and the controlled fiction that followed, deferred the threat of suicide.

www.newyorker.com

 

[Apep]

Damn that sucks. Is there any reason in particular you haven't left yet (money, dependents, attachment, etc.) ?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I am curious which situations you don't think this models applies.

I've commented on this model before, it should be easy to find if you're interested. If you do a search for joiner or for the title of his publication, you'll find threads where it's been discussed, and any tht were started after I became a member, I likely commented on. I think I've used Joiner's name in at least one of the comments, so you could search Joiner and put in my name as the user.

 

[walktothewater]

Damn that sucks. Is there any reason in particular you haven't left yet (money, dependents, attachment, etc.) ?

I have funds in pension schemes that I am far too young to access, otherwise no money, no dependents. Attachments, yes I have a friend from rehab but when I recorded and played back to her some previous arguments between me and my mother, she took my mother's side so I am not comfortable sharing this with her. The bizarre thing is that I mostly enjoy life, I don't actually want to die, they are bullying me so that my life is often impossible. I don't know anyone from my rehab, with maybe one exception, that is being treated as badly by their family.

 

[Apep]

I've commented on this model before, it should be easy to find if you're interested. If you do a search for joiner or for the title of his publication, you'll find threads where it's been discussed, and any tht were started after I became a member, I likely commented on. I think I've used Joiner's name in at least one of the comments, so you could search Joiner and put in my name as the user.

Thank you, I will look into that. Do you find the reasons I provided acceptable ?
"The bizarre thing is that I mostly enjoy life, I don't actually want to die" - if this is the case you may not want to kill yourself (trying to kill yourself and then trying to abort the attempt last minute often has rather nasty consequences).

 

[muffin222]

Mental health problems due to severe childhood abuse

 

[Noriv159]

Existential depression and confusion/dissociation.

 

[catmom13]

I have bipolar 2, anxiety, severe depression, and I'm just so so so tired of everything.

 

[yabadabadoo]

life is an illusion.

 

[liluglibih]

life is an illusion.

does that mean death is an illusion too?

 

[Mr2005]

Because I've already thrown my life away

 

[yabadabadoo]

does that mean death is an illusion too?

yeah, i guess, that you are alive is an assumption so death would also be an illusion.

 

[Noriv159]

yeah, i guess, that you are alive is an assumption so death would also be an illusion.

Really answers most of my philosophical questions about time and no awareness of time. It's illusory and irrelevant. What do you think is actually real to you?

 

[yabadabadoo]

Really answers most of my philosophical questions about time and no awareness of time. It's illusory and irrelevant. What do you think is actually real to you?

perception is essentially an illusion which pretty much makes everything an illusion. anything perceived- subjectively or objectively is not really true.

 

[Noriv159]

perception is essentially an illusion which pretty much makes everything an illusion. anything perceived- subjectively or objectively is not really true.

If it isn't true then it must have something true to disprove it's verity, right? Otherwise you're just ignoring it's existence rather than disproving it, so I assume there is some form of objective reality that you're discounting. Although I do believe this reality is an illusion, I think existence is much larger in the grander scheme of things and is not as simple as you might see it.