Discussion Why do you want to end it?

[StateOfMind]

Whats preventing you from enjoying life enough to make it worth living?

 

[_Minsk]

Whats preventing you from enjoying life enough to make it worth living?

feeling like lack of control over life and being too caught into negative thoughts, the mindset is everything, at the end its about that if you feel like youre a winner or loser in life, but i slowly see the negative pattern in me which i will try to work on

 

[rebelsue]

On a daily basis, I weigh dying against living.

Living involves being criticized by my husband and living in a constant state of vigilance with the hope of finally figuring out how to make the criticism stop. And even if I could figure that out, the pain of all my life's memories haunts me. I can't escape it.

Dying also involves terrifying pain.

Suicide happens when the pain of living surpasses the pain of dying.

 

[Ardesevent]

I don't have any friends, a future, or any skills to fall back on.

 

[nerve]

I'm just so sick and tired of being mentally ill.

 

[Squiddy]

Whats preventing you from enjoying life enough to make it worth living?

My incompetence (so much I don't know that I should know), difficulty articulating myself verbally, a very bad memory where I forget whole conversations and my mental illnesses make life extremely difficult. I just wish something like a meteor would take me out.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

My life is a complete mess full of traumas and self hatred and I have no idea how to fix it. Lost the only important person to me and as soon as something starts to become good, it just gets snatched away. I don't kniw what happiness feels like.

 

[Blutsager]

Fear.

Right now, I ain't intending to ctb yet, but rather have been planning, since I am terrified of the future, because of all that is happening right now.

I envy a friend of mine... who cares so little about this. I mean, he is already buying tickets for march 2021 to go on vacation on Europe! His optimism is so charming... and makes me so jealous of him.

 

[oneanonymous]

I'm tired of the psychological torment and my future is too bleak to fight against the exhaustion.

 

[GoBack]

Physical and mental illness +loss of everyone I love . Haven't the will to start again (again) and haven't the strength for this new fucking world

 

[StuckAF]

I am weird and mentally ill

 

[BPD Barbie]

Mental ilness, (Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder). Childhood sexual abuse, crippling debt, lack of social life and interactions etc. Vicious circle.

 

[Squiddy]

Mental ilness, (Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder). Childhood sexual abuse, crippling debt, lack of social life and interactions etc. Vicious circle.

We have the same mental illnesses and I forgot about my debt from hospital Bill's. That's another reason

 

[Nolye]

feeling like lack of control over life and being too caught into negative thoughts, the mindset is everything, at the end its about that if you feel like youre a winner or loser in life, but i slowly see the negative pattern in me which i will try to work on

I'm pretty sure we're the same person, or at least related! My negative thoughts are just spiralling out of control lately.

Also, I know my depression and anxiety will never fully go away, and at the moment I don't even have the strength of working on myself. ... Man, this being alive thing is a pain in the ass.

 

[Shinbu]

fate, sub humans, aging, hunger, diseases, parasites, human nature.

 

[KuRsAnI]

I'm terrified of being put in a hospital again, and I hate working, so there's no future for me. I'm also on psych meds that make me suicidal, make me miserable and wear me down and prevent me from studying/working. I also have to go to university (again) to get a decent job and I hate doing that.

I can't do what I like, which is smoking hashish because of the psych meds. I also have no pleasures or passions in life, so I have no reason to live.

 

[blivogade]

Haunted by trauma, no friends/relationships, self hatred to an extreme and my mental illnesses plaguing every aspect of my life.
I see no future, no recovery, and this self hatred will never cease, noone will ever love me, nor does anyone want to be my friend.
I've accepted my purpose in life is for those around me to learn and grow from my early demise.

 

[SipSop]

I'm terrified of being put in a hospital again, and I hate working, so there's no future for me. I'm also on psych meds that make me suicidal, make me miserable and wear me down and prevent me from studying/working. I also have to go to university (again) to get a decent job and I hate doing that.

I can't do what I like, which is smoking hashish because of the psych meds. I also have no pleasures or passions in life, so I have no reason to live.

I am amazed and glad to see somebody speak so openly about social taboos like not wanting to work or your simple desire of smoking or being fear of being locked.

 

[Sotired_]

Mental health issues mostly. All day everyday being taunted in my head. Every aspect of every day living having some sort of issue attached to it. Also a variety of physical health problems.

 

[K-O]

"IT"- IS ENDING ME..
life - my choices, love, creating evolving, fighting and defending everything that has importance and worth .. this tango has been grand, delightful and painful.. no regrets..
THE BLACK DOG has come for me yet again.. he's caught up and devoured me.. this time I'm not fighting.. I've done my part..
defeated and heartbroken.. but i know it couldn't have been any other way.. i kept true to my core and self destructed.
it seems i have contradicted my self.. but when your self isn't merged with you..
a "tragic" life is inevitable.

 

[Outsider]

Social anxiety disorder, depression, fatigue, no help, no hope, no future.

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

Childhood trauma, being unable to create stable relationships, stress, mental disorders. I sometimes feel like an alien here. Like I don't understand people and they don't understand me. I have never met anyone who truly understood me. Also I feel like the world is burning. There is so much awfulness. Horrible things happen every day. This world just isn't good.

 

[Average Joe]

Whats preventing you from enjoying life enough to make it worth living?

I suffer from depression and I'm going to be assessed for EUPD/BPD. I have recurring bad thoughts of myself. I am truly disgusted with myself despite having no evidence of doing anything bad. I was raped 40 something times when I was 9, I was bullied and have no confidence. I'm trying to deal with issues of being in the wrong body, I suffer from loneliness a lot and I have no friends. I don't think there is any hope of my situation improving and I don't want to wait around long enough to find out

 

[StateOfMind]

I suffer from depression and I'm going to be assessed for EUPD/BPD. I have recurring bad thoughts of myself. I am truly disgusted with myself despite having no evidence of doing anything bad. I was raped 40 something times when I was 9, I was bullied and have no confidence. I'm trying to deal with issues of being in the wrong body, I suffer from loneliness a lot and I have no friends. I don't think there is any hope of my situation improving and I don't want to wait around long enough to find out

I'm sorry you have to go through this.. I hope you find peace.

 

[Average Joe]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.. I hope you find peace.

i hope so too, however I'm in a state of not wanting to live and not being able to die

 

[FireFox]

What prevents you from enjoying life?
1) Not knowing what i want to do with my life is the biggest reason of all my distress. I always know what i want to do next i plan for worst. Since graduating 10 months ago i feel so lost. I studied law but domt want to be a lawyer. Having a plan gives me control and it gives me peace. No one sees how scared i am.

2)Not having a purpose because i feel like i am nothing in this world and just dont belong here.
Everyday i feel like i have nothing to live for. Everyday feels like the same. Wake up, watch netflix with little sis, go on SS forum and sleep. I want adventure in my
When i was a university student i had a purpose identity now i am not i just feel like i am nothing .

3)Not having a job. Having a job i will something to wake up for , my own income , I feel like a real adult. I feel like i am unemployable and job rejection makes me feel like i will never be good enough.

I feel like i am an embrassment to my family by not having a job( my family never say this though).
When relatives phone my grandmother they ask what i am doing ? My nan struggles to answer.
I went to church party last year and woman asked i want i was doing . It was awful . Her daughters are studtying at the U top universities in the UK . People in the church i go to have careers and are married.
If i killed myself i no longer be an embrassment to my family ( the unemployed loser) and family will never have worry about me in finding a job or explaining to relatives what i am doing. My family will devasted yes but everyday i feel like i am embrassment and burden to them. My family never call me an embrassment.

4) Being single. I hate it so much. Seeing couples holding each others hands and kissing in public, going shopping together. I get so upset because i want someone to love me like that. I always thought i will have a boyfriend by now.

5) living in the same house in the neighbourhood. I love my family and neighbourhood. I hate being in the same area.

6) Not being a real adult. I dont know how to pay a bill, i live at home with family. It is so embrassing.

Why do i want to end it all?
The future scares me so much and i dont ever see my life changing.
I dont want to live to see the next 10 years of my life
I am 23 years old i feel like a loser everyday and dont feel young anymore
I feel like i cant fix my issues.
- i never worked excpet voluntary work. I have majoir insecurities because of it. I am 23 and never had a job it so embrassing and cant tell anymore. Social media makes fun of people who never worked.

Employers want experience for everything
No one is hiring because of covid19
Single? I am not like most people my age. I hate going to bars. I enjoy discussing politics , history , travel or tv shows with people
Datin websites nervous
I dont feel attractive at all.
I prefer to ask guys out and last minute they dump me.
I just dont belong here , i feel like i am in a hole which i cant get out.
I dont know how to live
Nothing makes me happy anymore.
I have fucked it all up at 23.

 

[adios]

Screwing everything up in life. Ruining my grades and my future, barely being able to imagine what to do after graduating this year(I'm 18 and graduating technically in 2 weeks). Never having any friendships and ruining my familial relationships. Generally being lazy. BPD, and major anxiety... the list goes on and on.

 

[Final Escape]

Whats preventing you from enjoying life enough to make it worth living?

I'm unable to have hope of things improving. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare each day now. I don't know what would make it worth while.

 

[mathieu]

It's mostly because of the mental illness I suffer from. I can't function. I'm a recluse. No friends. No joy.

 

[Evermore]

I want to end things to escape from myself. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin , constantly feeling uneasy and just a continuous flow of negative thoughts day in day out.