Why do you want to die?

[sximii]

Autism and Bpd. They just cause so many problems. The passage of time and the future is scary. It makes me want to cry, the fact that time can't be stopped and keeps moving forward and forward and I never get a break from it. There are times also when I don't even know why I want to die. I've been set on it for so long I can't imagine wanting something else

 

[needthebus]

i feel like the liklihood i'll be happy 10 years from now is incredibly low and I'm fundamentally unhappy right now. I'm not very young and being the age I'm at, at the income level I'm at, is already awful and being somewhat older makes it worse. I can't fathom what it would be like to be even older and feel like this, with even worth health issues.

It really comes down to:

Expected utils - Expected Suffering = large negative number, so suicide seems to be a logical option for me. i have severe SI and fear, so perhaps I'll never do it.

 

[hereornot]

Because I lost everything I had built in my life, there is not enough time to rebuild to the point I was at, and that point is not where I wanted and would get to.

After, my family and other ill-intentioned people mirrored my apple.id, phone, and carried out blackmail and manipulation terrorism.

When I had money I served it for my family, today I'd rather go to hell than have them as family.

I Wanna see this people stalk me there.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I just don't like existing. That's about it.

 

[Secondaryhuman722]

Nobody would miss me anyway, I hate myself, suicide is the best possible outcome here.

 

[celestialstarzz]

I think I've just been looking for a way with a high success rate so I didn't have to avoid certain meds and deal with awful consequences from oding on otc meds. My friend committing suicide was the catalyst. Showed me a pretty sure fire way to go.

 

[LifeIsASadist]

Being single + missing out on love at a young age + autism + endless gaslighting from family + terribly ugly face

 

[NotCreativeName]

Because i'm mostly Alone only with my father and sister Company. Im not desired by any girl and even thought im searching for work i cant find. I'm 27 anos only had my First job 2 years Ago, while others had Luck with multiple Jobs. Im tired of being single, I wanted to had a family but now I see that It was only a dream. I Want to feel worth but every rejection of a job and anything made me question If the problem is the world or me. Anyway im tired, i Just dont have the courage yet but i plan soon to do It.

 

[bananaolympus]

mental problems,physical problems,neurological problems and wasted all my youth, no work or life experiences, no friends, no girlfriends, i was always a shut in playing games in my room when i realized it was too late, living a life of loneliness is not in the human dna

 

[Odwin]

Is it weird to say I dont know?

 

[scottchy]

The passage of time and the future is scary. It makes me want to cry, the fact that time can't be stopped and keeps moving forward and forward and I never get a break from it.

This is so crazy, I feel the exact same way. It's exhausting and terrifing

I have never lived a day in my life and I don't think it's suddenly going to change.
I feel like a prisoner, like I should be somewhere other than here but I'm trapped. It's like im a goldfish living in a tiny bowl except I'm conscious and intelligent enough to know I'm in a bowl.
Life simply sucks
It's just pain and misery and disappointment and manipulation repeated

 

[SVEN]

I just don't like existing. That's about it.

Well, at least perhaps you've become an "influencer", or rolemodel. As I see the group now have both a "Toxic" Jester and a "Yellow" Jester in addition to the original (and for me still the best) Eviscerated Jester.
'Tis still the greatest form of flattery you know, imitation.

 

[divinemistress36]

Brain injury , major depression , ptsd

 

[ThatRussianDude]

For me it is simple. Heart failure. But I wanted to die even before that, so no problem.

 

[TennTrixie]

Untreatable health conditions

 

[fuewybfunsfoiceoi]

because that would be not thatbad,
and I am a degenerate right now, and I don't want to work hard

 

[divinemistress36]

Is it weird to say I dont know?

Emptiness?

Living with constant anxiety 24/7 is for masochists.

Yes! The anxiety is harder to handle than the depression

 

[imsotired005]

im so sick and tired of having to participate in a society meant to uphold the rich. im tired of working when i can barely understand anything happening around me, I dont have insurance anymore so i cant even look into getting further diagnosis done just to at least maybe try to get supports in life.

Im stuck in a relationship with someone who does not even love me for me and is unafraid to just call me degrading names and accuse me of cheating when I cant even get out of bed because of my mental health.

i have no friends because i cant handle keeping up with them and lash out too easily. Im tired of myself.

 

[FaultyCepheus]

Nothing ever feels like it will get better and the way my life has already been going i am scared shitless for what the future has. Also i refuse to get old.

 

[shinitai_sh0jo]

I want to die because I'm tired of feeling pain, emotionally and physically. I want to die because I'm tired of being toyed with by people, and I'm tired of feeling that everyone will simply discard me or abandon me at a single mistake I won't even have a single chance to fix.
... Plus, the dirtiness that I just can't seem to wash out of myself.

 

[CatLvr]

I hurt. My chronic pain before the accident was bad enough but now, with these additional injuries, so much of my day is pretty brutal. And at times unbearable. I will hang on as long as I can because I have people whom I love, and who love me. But some days, I have to admit, my dedication to those promises made wavers more than a little bit. I am not sure what the future holds for me except the love of a few folks and a lot of pain. Guess we will see in time which one wins out.

 

[Odwin]

Emptiness?

Yes! The anxiety is harder to handle than the depression

If you mean with emptiness Purposelessness. You might be right. Not sure. I am basicly in limbo rn between wanting to die and live.

Maybe i just need to change something drastically in my life. Not sure what.

 

[thronesick]

i was abused emotionally and physically by a family member for twelve years sought out validation my entire life to fill that void only to realize she had every right to. i deserved it. i've amounted to nothing contributed to nothing i have no ambition no grit no true talent i offer nothing

 

[TearStainedSunsets]

I want to die because I'm unsalvageable.

Because I am too riddled with fear to function properly in my day to day. My mental state is so fucking bad that leaving my house takes as much effort as chopping off a limb without anesthetics. That upon many other things. CPTSD, Depression, Insomnia, psychosis, bpd...the list goes on for me...

 

[CogitoMori]

I realized the only way to be happy is to be delusional. The only time I was happy was when I ignored reality and had false hope for a better future.

 

[Peace2peace]

Just to end my pain

 

[v000]

I'm 25 and I have achieved nothing in life. I don't have friends, all I have is my dysfunctional family that makes me want to die even more, even though they want to help me. People tried to convince me that I'm still young and I have my whole life ahead of me but it's starting to get hard to believe with every passing year. I'm stuck and I don't know how to get out of this cycle. I can't. I'm too traumatized and too disabled to live a normal life, I was born wrong and I don't belong in this world.

I'm autistic (+recently diagnosed with ADHD as well) and never received help in childhood, they chose to make me hate myself instead. I was told I'm lazy and will never achieve anything in life. I guess they were right. People decided to abuse me in every way possible, throughout my entire life. All this shit I had to go through made me develop even more disorders - ocd, ptsd, depression, Av+OC-PD.

The world doesn't care about disabled people. I don't belong here.

 

[CatLvr]

i was abused emotionally and physically by a family member for twelve years sought out validation my entire life to fill that void only to realize she had every right to. i deserved it. i've amounted to nothing contributed to nothing i have no ambition no grit no true talent i offer nothing

I was also abused by a family member for a long, long time. It stopped around 12, 13 years of age when I FINALLY got the nerve to stand up for myself. And I am here to tell you right now that you absolutely, unequivocally DID NOT deserve what happened to you. NO child deserves that. So hard as it may be you need to put those thoughts out of your mind IMMEDIATELY.

Read that again:

YOU DID NOT DESERVE THAT. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

I will do what I do (unconventional spirituality) and ask you be relieved of those thoughts. But you will have to do your part -- whenever you think about what happened and that inner child in all of us tells you it was your fault, envision wrapping your arms around that child and tell them it was NOT their fault and you are there for them. Let them sink into your arms and sigh that heavy sigh we all do when we are exhausted beyond belief. Kiss them on the forehead and hold them and let them cry as long as they need to. Then stand up, wipe away the tears you also cried and know you have done a good thing. You have helped a child get a little stronger. You have helped a child know they do have worth and there was nothing they could have done against a stronger, older, meaner, more cunning and more evil relative.

You have worth.
You are not a bad person.
The child you were was not a bad person.
You CAN get past this.

Blessed be.

 

[ViniTerrible]

tons of health issues mentally, physically, inside and outside and some are permanent, really poor and can barely afford to exist, toxic family, living in inescapable 3rd world corrupt religious extremist hell, I don't feel alive just surviving, I despise myself and a lot more reasons.

 

[thronesick]

I was also abused by a family member for a long, long time. It stopped around 12, 13 years of age when I FINALLY got the nerve to stand up for myself. And I am here to tell you right now that you absolutely, unequivocally DID NOT deserve what happened to you. NO child deserves that. So hard as it may be you need to put those thoughts out of your mind IMMEDIATELY.

Read that again:

YOU DID NOT DESERVE THAT. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

I will do what I do (unconventional spirituality) and ask you be relieved of those thoughts. But you will have to do your part -- whenever you think about what happened and that inner child in all of us tells you it was your fault, envision wrapping your arms around that child and tell them it was NOT their fault and you are there for them. Let them sink into your arms and sigh that heavy sigh we all do when we are exhausted beyond belief. Kiss them on the forehead and hold them and let them cry as long as they need to. Then stand up, wipe away the tears you also cried and know you have done a good thing. You have helped a child get a little stronger. You have helped a child know they do have worth and there was nothing they could have done against a stronger, older, meaner, more cunning and more evil relative.

You have worth.
You are not a bad person.
The child you were was not a bad person.
You CAN get past this.

Blessed be.

Oh my god this is the sweetest and most thoughtful thing anyone has ever said to me. You didn't have to reply. Thank you so so much this is the first thing I read when I woke up. The amount of courage you have is immeasurable to be able to STAND up to an abusive family member. I would've quivered at the thought. I'm so sorry you went through that. I hate telling people they're strong because when you experience pain and abuse like we have as children being strong is the last thing I worry about. You have every right to feel anything but strength but you rose through that and for that I can't even extend the volume of my respect for you. I'm so proud. Wherever you are in your healing journey I know that you have made close to unattainable steps if you're not already healed. It's hard to not believe that I didn't deserve it or that they weren't right because everything they said I was has mirrored what I measured up to be. I had a lot of misdirected anger because of it it wasn't fair to the people around me but I appreciate everything you have said.