Why do you want to die?

[wanttodie]

sick of life and living don't want to live any more want to die

 

[sirciroc]

Hey there, Mi,

I don't think it's as black and white as your question seems to make it. I don't only want to die, and I don't only want to live. I want to die, yet I want to live, but I want to die, etc. Let me tell you why:

I want to live because that's how it started and because it's natural and the SI in me and society and family pushing those thoughts into me, etc. It's natural.

But then I want to die because of all the suffering in life. For me, it's the mental suffering (for the most part, I don't have anything physically wrong with me, nor chronic pain; one example: I inherited my dad's bad back, but that's not enough for me to ctb). The mental anguish that rips around in my mind due to loneliness, regret, being bullied, being toxic myself, hating myself, being ignored, not having a partner, and the overall failures that I've produced is enough for me to want to ctb. I'm a worthless human being who craves recognition though I know I don't deserve it. I hate it. I hate myself so much I'm sure to ctb at some point.

However, I again contemplate living as it can be enjoyable. Compared to the rest of the world, I've spawned in fairly well. I love watching anime, listening to music, and even trying to write my own music and stories (although I've been nothing but a procrastinator and failure in that department).

And so again, I contemplate ctb. I'm faceless—worthless—in the eyes of the universe and those around me. An NPC, a background character in someones else's fairy tale. It's be easier to stop treading water and just drown, but it's hard.

Life is hard. Death perhaps harder.

God are you my twin? This is the exact issue I've been facing for ages. my self worth is abysmal and I feel like a failure that doesn't deserve to be here, but my SI and the guilt of hurting people keeps me on this earth, even though I feel it wasn't made for me. That and things like anime, music, dancing, food, and my friends. And I crave recognition, too. I sometimes hope someone will just shake me and say "fuck no, im here to help" instead of all the work being on me. Because i dont feel like its worth getting when im just going to dip again.

 

[wondering&wandering]

God are you my twin?

Haha, maybe I am? Lol.

No but really, I know what you mean. I kinda wish there was someone in my life that would just carry me that extra mile that I just can't seem to walk. But perhaps life is about doing it on your own? I don't think so, but what do I know.

And I want recognition too, but I don't open myself up to receive because I'm scared of being rejected. Oh, what a life.

 

[MiMif]

Hey there, Mi,

I don't think it's as black and white as your question seems to make it. I don't only want to die, and I don't only want to live. I want to die, yet I want to live, but I want to die, etc. Let me tell you why:

I want to live because that's how it started and because it's natural and the SI in me and society and family pushing those thoughts into me, etc. It's natural.

But then I want to die because of all the suffering in life. For me, it's the mental suffering (for the most part, I don't have anything physically wrong with me, nor chronic pain; one example: I inherited my dad's bad back, but that's not enough for me to ctb). The mental anguish that rips around in my mind due to loneliness, regret, being bullied, being toxic myself, hating myself, being ignored, not having a partner, and the overall failures that I've produced is enough for me to want to ctb. I'm a worthless human being who craves recognition though I know I don't deserve it. I hate it. I hate myself so much I'm sure to ctb at some point.

However, I again contemplate living as it can be enjoyable. Compared to the rest of the world, I've spawned in fairly well. I love watching anime, listening to music, and even trying to write my own music and stories (although I've been nothing but a procrastinator and failure in that department).

And so again, I contemplate ctb. I'm faceless—worthless—in the eyes of the universe and those around me. An NPC, a background character in someones else's fairy tale. It's be easier to stop treading water and just drown, but it's hard.

Life is hard. Death perhaps harder.

Lol the names mimif not mi...

I probs made it confusing with the capilizations sorry

Also yeah agreed it's really not as straight forward as many think...to be honest I want to ask the question but was too lazy too actually fully write out a precise one so just wrote short

 

[wondering&wandering]

Lol the names mimif not mi...

Dang, sorry about that mimif.

Also yeah agreed it's really not as straight forward as many think...to be honest I want to ask the question but was too lazy too actually fully write out a precise one so just wrote short

Haha, no worries. Glad you were able to get the discussion rolling. Good question!

 

[Katdogg]

I'm not a Pro-lifer in the sense that I don't want to keep people from killing themselves if they are truly suffering from debilitating mental or physical trauma.

I would like to see the people that are suffering from shitty situations, and the stresses of life in general (but who are otherwise healthy ) to get a chance to enjoy what life has to offer. ( catch a break ... whatever hope they are holding out for so that they don't need to ctb)

What is there to live for?

There are the physical pleasures that bring joy and happiness of course .

There are fascinating things to learn and try to understand about life on earth and the universe in general. Its a different kind of joy and happiness ( mental).

There is the joy and happiness of seeing and spending time with your friends and family ( if you are fortunate enough to have them and you like/love each other).

There are many more i could list, but I am not going to change anyone's mind here.

It seems like when all we focus on is the horrible ugly evil shit going on in the world then that is all there seems to be. Focus on the pointlessness of existence and we lose appreciation for the beautiful things that do exist.

I do see myself committing suicide eventually either from economic hardship or to avoid debilitating old age.

 

[NvrLucky]

Every moment i start to believe things are improving something else hits. Another bill, another payment, car crash, rejection, injury, sick whatever. I cant ever stabilize myself and relax.
I fight through every time i get low just so i don't make the lives of people around me worse. I try so hard to keep everyone else happy, but not a single one of them gives a shit about me.
I dont care anymore. Im soo tired.

I just want to rest.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

In my case I'd always see it as better to not exist regardless of the circumstances, I see nothing desirable about decaying from age in this meaningless and futile existence where there is unlimited potential to suffer endlessly.

In my case I see suicide as rational as it's the way to find peace from the burden of existing as a human, I only wish for eternal nothingness where all is forgotten about, existence itself truly is the ultimate problem and is nothing more than an unnecessary harm.

For me suicide is suffering prevention and the way to find safety from suffering, in fact it comforts me to think of not existing for all eternity, all I wish for is this existence to disappear into nothingness.

I wish I could like this 1,000,000,000 times! So true.

 

[onyx559]

Just not happy with life. Especially the past 6 months everything has gotten worse. I went back to school to try and better my situation because inflation is making things so hard and warehouse jobs aren't enough. But I got fired while in the hospital for a suicide attempt. Then my mom's husband took my car into the shop, it was only suppose to go in for an estimate but he told them to just keep the car WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I got dropped from school because I didn't have a car to get there. I can't go find a job since I have no car. I can't get a rental because my license is suspended, I have 2 speeding tickets I haven't paid for because my mom's husband took the money out of my bank account. My phone got cut off and went to collections, my school is now in collections. My car payment and rent (my parents charge me rent) is adding up. They expect me to pay it as soon as I get a job. I'm 30k in debt from hospital bills. My bank account is in the negative. I've tried to make things better by walking to the nearest town and try to get a job but it's a 4 hour walk (via google maps) I only made it 1 hr in before a car started following me. I also walk slow since I broke my leg after jumping in front of a train so it'll take longer for me. Uber, lyft, other car services don't come to where I live since it's so far out in the middle of nowhere. I'm 25 stuck living at home with my mom and step father. I feel like a failure and anything I try to do just doesn't work out.

 

[divinemistress36]

Just not happy with life. Especially the past 6 months everything has gotten worse. I went back to school to try and better my situation because inflation is making things so hard and warehouse jobs aren't enough. But I got fired while in the hospital for a suicide attempt. Then my mom's husband took my car into the shop, it was only suppose to go in for an estimate but he told them to just keep the car WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I got dropped from school because I didn't have a car to get there. I can't go find a job since I have no car. I can't get a rental because my license is suspended, I have 2 speeding tickets I haven't paid for because my mom's husband took the money out of my bank account. My phone got cut off and went to collections, my school is now in collections. My car payment and rent (my parents charge me rent) is adding up. They expect me to pay it as soon as I get a job. I'm 30k in debt from hospital bills. My bank account is in the negative. I've tried to make things better by walking to the nearest town and try to get a job but it's a 4 hour walk (via google maps) I only made it 1 hr in before a car started following me. I also walk slow since I broke my leg after jumping in front of a train so it'll take longer for me. Uber, lyft, other car services don't come to where I live since it's so far out in the middle of nowhere. I'm 25 stuck living at home with my mom and step father. I feel like a failure and anything I try to do just doesn't work out.

Broken leg from jumping in front of train that sounds so painful

 

[Soontobegoner]

It was just coming...

So many reasons but mainly I dont have enough capability or will to live....

 

[heliophobic]

Honestly; because I was basically born miserable. It probably sounds cliché, but it's true. I remember the exact moment I had my first thought of wanting to die and it was in 1988. In the years since, starting all the way back in elementary school in the 80s, I keep losing friends that mean a lot to me, including my best friend in 2000, who I had a pact with that life sucked but we would stick it out together. He bailed on me and shot himself in the bedroom above mine in the house we shared while I was at home, having to hear it. My soulcat passed away in 2022, a cat that showed up in my life a month after one of closest friends died of an od on Valentine's Day 2017, one of the darkest periods of my life and that cat saved me. A large part of me gave up when I had to put him to sleep. The passing of my high school best friend last year, the one person that accepted me no matter what, the one that was going to get me out of the cesspool I live in, really drove everything home. I've always known that I would eventually die by suicide and have, what I refer to as my "Ophelia Complex" IYKYK. I've fought against my brain for 32 years. My life is pathetic. I'm almost 43 years old and have done absolutely nothing with my life. Never got married, not even close. No career, I didn't even finish high school. I failed at life. I just want to be done.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Because I don't have a desire to live and I don't see why I should live as a slave ultimately. Because- that surely is what it comes down to. If you don't want to be here and work and contribute to society but, you're being forced to- how else can you describe that?

I'll limp on for the one remaining person I think my suicide would really affect but after that, I hope I have the conviction and guts to go.

 

[TorchMyCorpse]

• The world is going to end soon anyway
• I worked my ass off for a degree just for the job market to contract and lay off those more experienced in my field
• My family hates me
• My friends abandoned me
• I have no capacity to fix the endless amount of shit going wrong on a daily occurrence
• Life is just a monotonous cycle of working for money just for it to disappear anyway.
• I probably have a cocktail of undiagnosed mental illness that if I seek help for, will just get written down and used against me later on

I just dont see a point really.

 

[FuneralCry]

When did you realize this?

I've always preferred the sound of not existing from as long as I can remember. My wish to die is as a result of becoming aware, and even when I was very young the thought of non-existence comforted me, in fact it's the only comfort.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I want to kill myself because I'm a piece of shit who selfishly consumes and makes the world worse. I have no interest in changing, only in indulging my desires until my very last breath, which should be as soon as possible. I also want to kill myself because myself is the evil mastermind who ruined my life and causes me to experience all the turmoil I've suffered throughout my life. My self is the reason I don't get any romantic love and my self is also the selfish freak who craves it even though he is completely undeserving of it.

That said, these same selfish desires and self hatred are also some of the main things keeping me alive right now. It's a real Catch-22 but I feel like anything done to actually cure these mental problems of mine would only serve to open the door for my death even more because another reason the thought of my suicide seems so pleasant is because I just really enjoy watching things end in a satisfactory way, at least when it comes to tv shows or movie sagas.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Life isn't really worth living for me. I don't like the idea of having to go through suffering and hardship for the rest of my life. I always craved to not be sentient as ignorance is bliss after all. It sounds nice to be dead