Discussion Why do you want to CTB?

[NotGonnaLast]

So for me I have a messed up family and childhood and basically I don't mean anything to anyone. Bit I was wondering what reasons others have on here for CTB?

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Husband died

 

[Pictures of trickery]

I made a mistake that cost me everything in my life it had a ripple effect which made me lose more than I'd already lost

 

[FusRohDracarys]

When playing a rigged game, sometimes you just gotta throw the board across the room.

 

[NotGonnaLast]

When playing a rigged game, sometimes you just gotta throw the board across the room.

I really like that

 

[GoBack]

Tired and broken and losing this game

 

[moonchild]

Life takes more effort than it's worth.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Life is really boring and I can't find any enjoyment to outweigh the stress of keeping it going. It's all work with no reward.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Detached from everyone around me, tired of living a lie (being a slave to the system and not being able to escape), being a girl and being ugly no guys like me, skin condition that has caused me emotional trauma and bullying so I have emotional scars. I'm just tired and want to go next summer has to be it.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I don't

 

[Raminiki]

I have many mental health problems and am disabled, subsisting on state benefit. I've also been through my share of trauma since childhood that has gone untreated.

Mental health services in the UK are notoriously poor and I've been often neglected. I've sought help for two decades and tried many combinations of therapy, including far too many different medications, counselling and CBT. Nothing has made my quality of life what I would deem adequate. Often I've suffered terrible side effects that have made things far worse and altered my personality.

Even if the conditions I suffer that make me unable to function in society could be managed by treatment, I'm autistic. That will never change and makes life a struggle every day. I also have too many negative memories and the unresolved trauma makes me often unable to cope.

I'm acutely aware of the cruelty and indifference of life in this world and it breaks my heart. I feel helpless to change it. All I get for my efforts is criticism and people enacting cognitive dissonance. I want to 'walk away from it,' to use a euphemism.

I want peace.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I'm really tired, and I don't want to work or do anything that I don't want to do. Everyone else does it, but I don't want any part of it. Simple as that. I don't want to be alive, period. Don't want to breathe, eat, wake up, relieve myself, fall asleep, etc. I've been wanting to die since I was a young child because when I was a kid, I had made the decision that I don't want to do life. Too bad we can't get a pass on it, we're forced into it. I hate being forced to do anything. I absolutely loathe it and always have. I'm 32 and I have been actively suicidal for 17 years, enough already. There are other reasons too like how this world is a horrible disgusting place with sadistic people in power, CEOs lobbyists government politicians etc. There is no such thing as freedom. I don't want to live in a prison with fake people.

 

[lostangel]

Emotional abuse, bullying, never fitting in and being weak

 

[CivilizationV]

Physical pain which renders me disabled or unable to work.

 

[WinterFaust]

Short answer, I'm a failure and all my suffering is my fault.

 

[Isadeth]

Rape as a child, having two children die, and constant chronic pain. The condensed version.

 

[PeopleAreWeird]

Because it's too hard to pretend I'm fine, and no matter what I do, people still expect me to be perfect.

 

[ARW3N]

Life is suffering. Everything else is a distraction from that blunt fact.

 

[draw a circle]

Fucked up a few things and already wasted a few years doing nothing when I could fix it and now I'm running out of time and money. Felt guilty and don't know what to do so I figured I'd just die. Everything is fucked up anyway; the system's rigged, the earth's dying, I can't get a job on something I actually like without disappointing my parents, I hoped for too much and crashes down too hard. I'm also constantly anxious and can't do shit out of my fear of failures. Even like this I still feel like my suicidal thoughts aren't valid because I actually have a good life, friends, and family; the thing I hated the most in my life is myself. I don't even try to get therapy because, like I said, no time, no money, and full of anxiety.

 

[lostangel]

Another thing to add. The world is going to shit.

 

[greekyfish10]

it's just hard to live. i feel so worthless and i don't know what i'm doing.

 

[wanttodie]

sick of life living i hate my life dont wont to live any more just want to end my life to it well be all over

 

[mediocre]

Too much physical pain to deal with, no diagnosis, useless health care system. I'd like to ctb before my pain gets any worse. I fear my body is permanently damaged and whatever I have is irreversible.

 

[rundschlinge78]

1) I want to stay in control and not suffer from illness, injury or old age.
2) We all die anyway. Once dead, I can't miss the time I didn't live. No regrets. Why wait?
3) we only die once. I want it to be a pleasurable experience: to have that moment where I absolutely know that I am dying, with no return, and to have the emotional release of knowing that my life is ending.

 

[Squiddy]

Bipolar 1, BPD, PTSD, anxiety, articulation issues, short term memory issues, processing issues (not always understanding what people are saying to me) etc.

 

[Caspers]

Life, the universe and everything (42)

 

[411esme]

Too damaged from childhood trauma. There's no way to recover and keep it from affecting every aspect of my life, it's unfortunately a domino effect. Tired of dealing with the consequences of something that happened to me decades ago.

 

[XYZ]

Being a failure at everything in life: education, relationships, jobs. Never smart enough, never good enough. I lack strength, creativity, initiative, courage and confidence to amount to anything in life. Ever the spectator. Never the player. I did all I could for a while, now I just despise myself for my impotence. I disgust myself. Fucking loser!

 

[Mort]

After 40 +years of living i saw i just wasted my life away. And being in pain and the doctors dont give a shit about it. All what todo get me of the pain killers. As i am not paying for them at the moment so to save a few quid they just want me left in pain . O and they trying to convince me is all in my head LOL . So fuck them one day one day when i get the balls to CTB i will .

 

[Shinkansen]

my life sucks, I'm lonely and sad;
I have failed, failed in everything.