scared to ctb

[sundown12]

guys, i'm so tired of this. i have everything i need, but every time i set a date, something happens that disrupts my plans, or I ruin things on purpose to postpone my ctb.
my sleep schedule is back to normal, which means if I want to ctb with SN, i have to starve for the entire day, which gives me plenty of opportunity to ruin my fast just because I'm scared to die.
as I mentioned, I have everything I need except for the benzos. I don't know if it's my anxiety or what, I just wish I killed myself back when my sleep schedule was fucked up and I could do it right after I woke up and took ibuprofen/AE.
i have two options in my life right now, either ctb or find a job. and i don't want to work more than anything in the world, which leaves me with the first option. it's complicated, and I wish I could just end my suffering ASAP. any advice on how to set a date and go through with the plan?

 

[TraumaEscapee:)]

What is it about having a job you don't like? You can always work from home as customer service (whilst laying in your bed) or have a flexible schedule volunteering x

 

[bobblong]

If you're a woman , maybe do Onlyfans? Simps will pay your bills with just some naked pics .It's immoral yes , but it's quick and easy .

 

[asa]

You're so real for this. I keep postponing my ctb date too. I keep thinking to myself "oh lets wait until after this one upcoming event" and then that event arrives and I end up postponing my shit again. Its a huge decision to make and honestly having a job makes me want to do it more. I'm sorry you feel like this, please don't do anything impulsive <3
I hope things get better for you!

 

[lnlybnny]

i have two options in my life right now, either ctb or find a job. and i don't want to work more than anything in the world, which leaves me with the first option.

I feel you... I'm going through exactly the same. It's so sad. I don't fit in into the world, one of the reasons I need to ctb is because I have no career/goals and don't have anyone to support me financially.

If you're a woman , maybe do Onlyfans? Simps will pay your bills with just some naked pics .It's immoral yes , but it's quick and easy .

is it really that easy? lol

 

[merc5361]

I'm not trying to talk you out of anything (frankly it would be quite hypocritical of me as I want to CTB myself due to different reasons).....

But would you be able to elaborate on why you have to choose between a job or CTB? I just want to understand your perspective on why you hate the thought of having a job and if you have considered all your options, there are a lot of low stress low pay jobs as well if you want to lead a simple life...


There's a sentence I remember I read on here once : "You don't CTB because you're at rock bottom, you CTB because you're falling and don't see the bottom yet for a long way out".

So consider your options. If you're scared to CTB and making excuses, maybe it's because there's hope for you to live.

I'll give you my perspective: the thought of CTB gives me a lot of pleasure and I'm not scared. I'm just having issues with sourcing due to my location.


I'd recommend you reconsider, don't force yourself to CTB. That option is always there, explore jobs, exhaust all your options to live first.

 

[sundown12]

I'm not trying to talk you out of anything (frankly it would be quite hypocritical of me as I want to CTB myself due to different reasons).....

But would you be able to elaborate on why you have to choose between a job or CTB? I just want to understand your perspective on why you hate the thought of having a job and if you have considered all your options, there are a lot of low stress low pay jobs as well if you want to lead a simple life...


There's a sentence I remember I read on here once : "You don't CTB because you're at rock bottom, you CTB because you're falling and don't see the bottom yet for a long way out".

So consider your options. If you're scared to CTB and making excuses, maybe it's because there's hope for you to live.

I'll give you my perspective: the thought of CTB gives me a lot of pleasure and I'm not scared. I'm just having issues with sourcing due to my location.


I'd recommend you reconsider, don't force yourself to CTB. That option is always there, explore jobs, exhaust all your options to live first.

i have very minimal work experience and i haven't had a job for the most part of my life. to me having a job is not a normal state of being.
i am also very sensitive, and I get angry at people easily, and work really triggers all that emotional gunk in me. that's why i find it hard to talk to colleagues and bosses.
i have always wanted to have my own thing going on. i used to be an artist and i would take personal commissions, so that's how i would make money, but now i can't do that anymore because fucking Putin...now I can't use PayPal and receive payments from abroad.
thank you for your kind words. i indeed decided to either not CTB for now, or just postpone it for later.

I feel you... I'm going through exactly the same. It's so sad. I don't fit in into the world, one of the reasons I need to ctb is because I have no career/goals and don't have anyone to support me financially.

same here, I have no purpose, I wanna do social media, but you have to look pretty for that.

You're so real for this. I keep postponing my ctb date too. I keep thinking to myself "oh lets wait until after this one upcoming event" and then that event arrives and I end up postponing my shit again. Its a huge decision to make and honestly having a job makes me want to do it more. I'm sorry you feel like this, please don't do anything impulsive <3
I hope things get better for you!

thank you, you're so sweet! yeah it's like "that's it i've had enough i'm killing myself today" and then you know you gotta fast all day for SN, and your brain is like "nahhh i gotta eat everything in this house" lmao

What is it about having a job you don't like? You can always work from home as customer service (whilst laying in your bed) or have a flexible schedule volunteering x

i fucked up with my college degree and ended up having no skills. i wouldn't mind working if it was something creative, or fun, but with my degree, i'm limited to shitty jobs only :(

 

[yabujin]

It's becomes harder after certain age (22-25 or so)

 

[skatergirl]

guys, i'm so tired of this. i have everything i need, but every time i set a date, something happens that disrupts my plans, or I ruin things on purpose to postpone my ctb.
my sleep schedule is back to normal, which means if I want to ctb with SN, i have to starve for the entire day, which gives me plenty of opportunity to ruin my fast just because I'm scared to die.
as I mentioned, I have everything I need except for the benzos. I don't know if it's my anxiety or what, I just wish I killed myself back when my sleep schedule was fucked up and I could do it right after I woke up and took ibuprofen/AE.
i have two options in my life right now, either ctb or find a job. and i don't want to work more than anything in the world, which leaves me with the first option. it's complicated, and I wish I could just end my suffering ASAP. any advice on how to set a date and go through with the plan?

But aren't you fasting all through the night ?