BridgeJumper
The Arsonist
- Apr 7, 2019
- 1,194
Same. Im fucked up beyound repair, and fucked up too many things to start over
Same. Im fucked up beyound repair, and fucked up too many things to start over
False rumors and bullying in high school and those false rumors persisting later on by liars who just want to see me down. Plethora of mental issues that are making me suffer on a daily basis, sometimes just making me beg to die. The pain of which can sometimes persist for multiple days non-stop, intensifying more and more as time passes and completely exhausting me mentally to a point that I can no longer handle it. There is literally nothing left in the world that is actually worth enough to go through so much pain and disapointment on a loop constantly.
Having developed severe social anxiety, making it hard for me to make progress in life. Having spent the last five years of my life in near isolation, despite just being 19 years old. Missing out on many great opportunities that wont come back. Seeing people in my life going into universities and other ventures, while I'm still stuck at home, having fallen out of the school system.
Never fitting into any social groups and always being an outsider. Never been loved, or loved someone. Realizing I meant nothing to a person I thought cared about me. Feeling incredibly ashamed of the man I have become, to a point where I avoid meeting friends and relatives in fear of them asking me what I'm currently doing with my life (nothing).
I realize how fucking weak I sound, and I feel embarrassed posting this for people to see, but I hit a new low point today, and most of these things I have never told anyone about, so I felt a very strong, spontaneous urge to post this here.
Never fitting into any social groups and always being an outsider. Never been loved, or loved someone. Realizing I meant nothing to a person I thought cared about me. Feeling incredibly ashamed of the man I have become, to a point where I avoid meeting friends and relatives in fear of them asking me what I'm currently doing with my life (nothing).
I realize how fucking weak I sound, and I feel embarrassed posting this for people to see, but I hit a new low point today, and most of these things I have never told anyone about, so I felt a very strong, spontaneous urge to post this here.
Or will it?
CDC says we'll have do social distancing until well into 2021. That's even crazier!!! April alone felt like it was a year long, and the quarantine got extended to June. I don't want to live like that forever (or feeling like forever), and I can't afford to move away to another country or at least another state. Besides, I said it's a backup plan, in case CDC gets their wish. For now, my state's social distancing is supposed to start phasing out in June; maybe they'll allow gatherings of up to 5 people; Texas already allows up to 10 people. But given who runs my state, I'm not holding my breath for it, and I want to have a bus on call just in case.
For now, I don't have plans to catch the bus; keep your pants on. But still, as the State of New Hampshire says, "live free or die".
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