Why do you want to CTB?

[Root]

I don't want to think or feel anything. I don't see a future and I'm anxious all the time. I feel like I can't control myself. Everything is too much for me.

 

[Eren]

I am unable to relate socially to others, I always have been. In addition, I feel unable to have sex, so it is impossible for me to have a partner. I have OCD, quite serious insomnia for years, I feel stupid, everything costs me more work than others. I think that my future is to live and die alone, and I prefer CTB. Basically I hate myself as I am in all aspects.

 

[lospollos]

As a father I am not sure what you could do to not traumatize him. He's going to wonder what he could of done. He's going to feel massive guilt no matter what. He's going to be thinking of you and remembering his little boy growing up and all the things you did together. He's going to be crying a lot and be in complete shock, and maybe just a little angry too. He's going to have a hard time every having fun or being happy about anything ever again because if he ever does he's going to suddenly remember his little buddy isn't around anymore. He's going to feel guilty for feeling happy thinking about how sad his son was in the end. I'm sorry if this is hard to hear but it's exactly how I would feel if I lost my kid, even though right now we are estranged and our last few months have been rough to say the least. He'll always be my little buddy no matter what.
I think you should make a goodbye video for him. Explain how difficult life is for you. Tell him what a great dad he's been and that you'd never have made it this far without his support and love. And be careful, this is not the time to bring up something that made you angry or disappointed with him in the past, no matter how important you think it is. Anything like that, he'll never stop thinking about it for the rest of his life. Explain to him that you feel like you've tried everything, that there's just something chemically wrong with you that you have to do this. He's going to be wondering over and over in his mind why didn't you reach out? Why didn't you just talk to him because he would have done anything for you. So you're going to have to come up with an explanation for that that doesn't make him feel guilty. Hope this helps. Suicide completely wrecks the hearts of those who love us.

This made me cry after not feeling anything for months... thank you x

 

[k75]

Wow ... Speechless. You are so strong and I admire you so much for what you've gone through and still being here despite it. Please be kind to yourself, you're a warrior ❤ don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're crazy/selfish for feeling what you feel.

Thank you so much.
I wish I could feel that I'm all the things you see in me. But it truly means a lot to hear it. Thank you.

 

[Ratbat]

It's been a week since I joined SS. It's been a huge eye opener for me with sad post and lots of empathy amongst members. There are so many of us who are so unhappy with life. I'm just wondering why you want to ctb.

My reason is 22 years of struggling with bipolar disorder and recently diagnosed with ME. I'm not ready yet but I want to make the right choices and method if I do.

Why do you want to ctb?

Because evryone hates me cos i said a racist word and becuase i havent killed myself yet there trying to accuse me of being a peado and i have proved im not so why do they keep saying it

It's funny I wish I had cancer or some terminal disease then I could just neglect to treat it and ctb that way. I wish I had mental issues to blame this on. Instead I'm healthy, financially stable, and I was pretty happy. But some mistakes I made many years ago, getting mixed up with the wrong people, now they're coming back to haunt me and I'm facing hard time. I'll be a very old man when I get out if ever. I never hurt anybody but the system doesn't care. I've got good lawyers but they're saying they still can't keep me out. In my job I help people every day, I try to be a positive force in the universe, I have friends and family that love me, but none of it matters. What I'm trying to say with all this is that our society is really messed up. It's just a matter of luck if law enforcement decides to nail you they're gonna do it unless you are a billionaire or something. I'm petrified of having to go back to jail. It's so damn cold in there and they don't give you enough clothing to stay warm. There's nothing to do, no point in anything, you just feel worthless and life has no meaning. It's truly torture and we're putting these people in prison and it's only giving them PTSD and making them more crazy. Then when they get out and screw up again in the real world everyone smugly says yeah that guy was a born felon.

I am dyinh but the doctors lie to me

 

[c824767]

i feel like I have had a good life and do not want to ruin it with a bad 30 years of suffering. 3 years ago I made some drastic changes to my life which did not work out. My first attempt was February 2019. Since then I have tried almost non stop to either get a grip on my life (which I have short term) or take my life. As a result of the attempts and because my life is tail spinning, I feel like I am stranded on unfamiliar territory. For the 20 years before I made the changes, I had a reasonable expectation to be wealthy and looked after by my partner while ageing. Money aside, I do not like the way my body/mind are getting old. I basically hate myself. I also do not like the way this planet is changing, the politics, the societies, the craziness, the medical / governmental / banking systems.I see a trend is for less quality of life, more intrusion by regulations and more poverty. I am sure that I do not want to participate in that any longer. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and do not like living with this diagnosis. The bp, depression and the medication, might be driving my decision but I feel like I have strong reasons beyond that to ctb.