Why do you want a partner? (for those who want a partner)

[RedDEE]

For me - I live with my Sister. I have a shotgun, and every night I consider shooting myself. But my Sister's been through tragic shit - her husband committed suicide by cop in this very house I'm living in now. I wasn't here when that happened, it happened four years ago, and I've only been living with my Sister a year. But it was a very tragic event for her, and she has been on heavy psychiatric medicine and hasn't been the same ever since.

I want to blow my brains out, but I don't want to traumatize her even more by doing it in her house. At the same time, I don't have transportation or any money. There's nowhere near me where I could take my shotgun and do it alone. At the same time, I don't want to die alone. I want a partner, so I could commit my suicide away from here. And so I can have somebody to comfort me in my last hour.

ANYWAYS - for those wanting to find a partner, why do you want a partner?

 

[Toptock]

I don't believe this applies to everyone, or even a majority of people, but I believe love's mostly meant for other people. Like when people are born, they're essentially cups capable of being filled with a cosmic allowance of love. Some people's cups run so deep and vast it might as well be an ocean, people who have been married 40+ years tend to be like this.

Some people have thimbles, can't really hold that much. I'm that thimble. I want a partner so I can know I'm at least able to grow, but until then I'll just say "Love's meant for others"

 

[RedDEE]

I don't believe this applies to everyone, or even a majority of people, but I believe love's mostly meant for other people. Like when people are born, they're essentially cups capable of being filled with a cosmic allowance of love. Some people's cups run so deep and vast it might as well be an ocean, people who have been married 40+ years tend to be like this.

Some people have thimbles, can't really hold that much. I'm that thimble. I want a partner so I can know I'm at least able to grow, but until then I'll just say "Love's meant for others"

I'm talking about a suicide partner!

 

[Forgotten]

I don't really look for a partner, it's just that everyone I know is so normal and typical that having to pretend to be normal and happy all the time is tiresome. Having someone that's on the same page as me where we can openly talk about our desires to CTB and even plan to do it sounds pretty nice. I just worry that having a like-minded partner would actually decrease my desire to CTB, because it's the pretending to be happy part that makes me wanna CTB.

 

[AmDead]

I wish I had someone to ctb with. I need a little encouragement and I wouldn't be alone. For someone who has social anxiety, I hate the feeling of loneliness. I guess they don't have to ctb, just watching me on my way out would be nice too. Like if I were to catch a real bus and be able to wave out the window to someone who actually cared about me enough to come to the station and make sure I was safely on the bus.

 

[Joey]

It's so that I won't feel so alone and it would be great to go out in similar terms. No one wants to die alone.

 

[MsMaudlin]

I want one and would like a bit of intimacy before we CTB together.
That sounds a bit weird but in my head it's not.
I must amend my post in the 'partners' thread
❤

 

[Adamsnolife]

I don't won't to leave alone. Never thought I would possibly end up ctb alone but it could happen. It's that comfort knowing that we'd be leaving together and not waiting till he inevitable happens

 

[DyingAlf]

I have someone I can talk openly & honestly about ctb. Which is good.
But I'm very sure that I don't want a partner to ctb with. That is something I only feel comfortable doing alone, not matter which method I end up using.

No one wants to die alone.

Sorry but you're wrong about that, I definitely want to die alone.

 

[BPD Barbie]

It's a huge comfort for me having someone with me. Knowing we'd both be going through the same feelings and emotions. Someone to talk to in the build up, someone you could be open with and not need to hide that part of yourself. I think I will die alone though, as hard as it will be for me sadly I'll always be comparing any future partner to @6ixxy.

 

[rancho]

It's not something that I've thought about, but it would be nice to have somebody to make the exit bags with to make sure I'm not effing it up.

 

[Joey]

I have someone I can talk openly & honestly about ctb. Which is good.
But I'm very sure that I don't want a partner to ctb with. That is something I only feel comfortable doing alone, not matter which method I end up using.


Sorry but you're wrong about that, I definitely want to die alone.

Everyone is different and I don't judge :)

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I don't like the idea of someone watching me dying. Prefer to be alone.

 

[mpnf]

I thought you were talking about a romantic partner...

 

[Ghost2211]

Maybe I have a morbid sense of humor, but the romance answers and opposite answers keep making me laugh. Sorry op, I see you're mostly not getting answers to the question you asked (including me!)
I feel for you, sending you love man.

 

[RedDEE]

Maybe I have a morbid sense of humor, but the romance answers and opposite answers keep making me laugh. Sorry op, I see you're mostly not getting answers to the question you asked (including me!)
I feel for you, sending you love man.

LOL. I see the humor, too.

This thread is about partners, and the first sentence of my post was about my sister.. What, did you guys think I was from West Virginia????!!

 

[262653]

I believe it would be easier to face the instinct with someone by my side, and I also like the idea of some intimacy before the final act. By intimacy I mean touching, cuddling, kissing, saying true stuff we don't usually say because we don't want to make a bad impression, things like that. Everything consensual, of course. Maybe sex, but that would be really weird. Just imagine, someone has to die first

Though the whole process is already intimate enough. We are transcending our mortal limits, together. It's like if we were to perform a magic ritual to gain supernatural powers.

 

[sagajin]

To force me to go through with it on the chance i crawl back.

 

[Wayfaerer]

For me - I live with my Sister. I have a shotgun, and every night I consider shooting myself. But my Sister's been through tragic shit - her husband committed suicide by cop in this very house I'm living in now. I wasn't here when that happened, it happened four years ago, and I've only been living with my Sister a year. But it was a very tragic event for her, and she has been on heavy psychiatric medicine and hasn't been the same ever since.

I want to blow my brains out, but I don't want to traumatize her even more by doing it in her house. At the same time, I don't have transportation or any money. There's nowhere near me where I could take my shotgun and do it alone. At the same time, I don't want to die alone. I want a partner, so I could commit my suicide away from here. And so I can have somebody to comfort me in my last hour.

ANYWAYS - for those wanting to find a partner, why do you want a partner?

You could disassemble the shotgun, put in in a bag, walk with said bag to nearby forest, re-assemble the shotgun and then do the deed if so desired. I really wouldn't do it in your sister's house.

I wouldn't want to have a partner. There would be too much to go wrong, you'd have to commit to a date instead of just doing it whenever the fuck you want, etc.

 

[LenkaX]

I want a gf but sadly no woman wants me. This is the No.1 reason for my CTB which will come soon.

 

[RedDEE]

You could disassemble the shotgun, put in in a bag, walk with said bag to nearby forest, re-assemble the shotgun and then do the deed if so desired. I really wouldn't do it in your sister's house.

That's the problem, the shotgun is huge. The nearest "spot" I could go to be private in the forest, is clear across the city. (I know every private spot around this house, this is my childhood home actually). This is an older style of shotgun, I don't think I can de-assemble it?

I have another problem, too. I don't have the correct ammo. I have birdshot, which may be inadequate for suicide. I've read conflicting things, some say birdshot is good enough, some say it's not. I don't have a way to get the correct ammo (buckshot). If I had a partner, they could help me acquire what I need.

 

[Ghost2211]

Sounds like a lot of obstacles and limiting factors. I would just grab a rope.

 

[OrdinaryDay]

I want a partner because I believe it will make things easier to handle for both of us. Having someone whom I can talk with on the same level before drifting into a never ending sleep makes the process of preparation more manageable. Also if you can have a genuine connection with someone I think that it may help you stay grounded and have a better understanding that things are happening for real and not just in your head.

 

[Wayfaerer]

That's the problem, the shotgun is huge. The nearest "spot" I could go to be private in the forest, is clear across the city. (I know every private spot around this house, this is my childhood home actually). This is an older style of shotgun, I don't think I can de-assemble it?

I have another problem, too. I don't have the correct ammo. I have birdshot, which may be inadequate for suicide. I've read conflicting things, some say birdshot is good enough, some say it's not. I don't have a way to get the correct ammo (buckshot). If I had a partner, they could help me acquire what I need.

With shotguns, it's the powder charge that does the killing, not the projectile. So long as it's done correctly (barrel in the mouth toward brainstem), it's not going to fucking matter. I'd opt for buckshot if not slug but don't sweat it if you can't find better.

As far as disassembly is concerned, how old are we talking here? Like, antique 19th century shotgun or later? If it's not hand-crafted, you can take the damn thing apart. After all, you need to field strip it in order to clean it.

Is it pump, lever or break-action?

 

[RedDEE]

With shotguns, it's the powder charge that does the killing, not the projectile. So long as it's done correctly (barrel in the mouth toward brainstem), it's not going to fucking matter. I'd opt for buckshot if not slug but don't sweat it if you can't find better.

As far as disassembly is concerned, how old are we talking here? Like, antique 19th century shotgun or later? If it's not hand-crafted, you can take the damn thing apart. After all, you need to field strip it in order to clean it.

Is it pump, lever or break-action?

It's a break-action.

I talked to someone on the chatroom last week, and they gave me a good idea. They said I can pour out the bird-shot pellets, and replace it with my own shot. So I found a huge fishing sinker, and replaced the ammo with that. Here's the pics,

One Two Three Four

I'm pretty sure that would do the trick. I'm just psyched out, and afraid it won't.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I want a gf but sadly no woman wants me. This is the No.1 reason for my CTB which will come soon.

If that is your #1 reason for CTB then you have legitimate hope, not even bullshitting you.

 

[rancho]

If that is your #1 reason for CTB then you have legitimate hope, not even bullshitting you.

I agree 100%

 

[Wayfaerer]

It's a break-action.

I talked to someone on the chatroom last week, and they gave me a good idea. They said I can pour out the bird-shot pellets, and replace it with my own shot. So I found a huge fishing sinker, and replaced the ammo with that. Here's the pics,

One Two Three Four

I'm pretty sure that would do the trick. I'm just psyched out, and afraid it won't.

Like I had said, the powder charge is what does the killing, so as long as the powder doesn't leak from the shell then you should be good. Just DO NOT aim it from under your chin.

Why not go to the store and buy a box of 12ga slugs? It's not expensive and it'll be effective as fuck!

 

[NoDistanceLeftToRun]

I used to want a gf so much thinking it would solve all my problems. Still haven't ever had a gf but I know now it wouldn't solve anything anyway, the only thing I really want is to die

 

[Superdeterminist]

A trustworthy cbt partner would be great, because then the process of cbt would become just a little less scary, and more comfortable. When facing a challenge, having some company to do it with often reduces anxiety.