Why do people lie so much?

[EmptyHeaded]

Especially those in positions where you'd expect them to do anything but lie. I don't think I've ever had a one-on-one interaction with a teacher or social worker of any kind where I've not been lied to. At this point I'm more or less convinced that they are taught to lie. "You're so smart", "you have so much potential", "you did great", etc. I don't understand who that's supposed to help. I'm sure some people benefit from it, but that only works when you at least have a minimum of intelligence and skill. Whenever I'm introduced to some social worker I haven't met yet, the conversation starts with "I've heard about how smart you are". One of them even mentioned to the judge during a court appointment that I'm "very smart". He wasn't asked about it, nor was it relevant in any way. He just said it for no reason. Even my own family and "friends" lie to my face, telling me how much they appreciate me or that I'm not annoying them. What do they gain from it? What's the goal?
(Also, I'm sorry for the generalised title, I couldn't come up with anything better)

 

[thenamingofcats]

Most people will do almost anything to avoid conflict or unwanted realities. They're trying to avoid conflict, especially in relationships. Sometimes this can cause conflict though. This is just a dumb example but I had to fire someone I hired to work on my HVAC because he was so conflict adverse he wouldn't tell me when there was something wrong with my machine and I would get a call from the owner like a week later telling me the parts were in. Things like that. I also had a the issue with a friend who wouldn't tell me when something was wrong in the relationship so instead of working things out she would disappear for months and then want to start up again and I would be upset by that.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

How do you know that those compliments are lies though? The thing is, it's actually very hard to tell when someone is lying and even people trained in body readings will tell you that there is still a pretty good margin of error when it comes to guessing whether someone is lying or not. Unless if you have evidence saying otherwise those comments may come from a place of honesty.

Now, getting to the question at hand, why people lie can be a complicated question to ask. Lying can be done to appease others, avoid punishment, to hide misdeeds, because of low self-esteem, etc. There isn't really one particular reason why some people lie so much.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

How do you know that those compliments are lies though? The thing is, it's actually very hard to tell when someone is lying and even people trained in body readings will tell you that there is still a pretty good margin of error when it comes to guessing whether someone is lying or not. Unless if you have evidence saying otherwise those comments may come from a place of honesty.

It's not like they're trying particularly hard to make it convincing. Imagine selling a badly damaged car. The buyer is standing right next to you and you look him in the eyes and say "That's a new car".

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It's not like they're trying particularly hard to make it convincing. Imagine selling a badly damaged car. The buyer is standing right next to you and you look him in the eyes and say "That's a new car".

Yeah, but it's also not that hard to just compliment someone and mean it. The point is that you haven't mentioned anything that hints at them lying, so for all we know they could easily be telling the truth. You can't confirm if they are lying or not.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

Yeah, but it's also not that hard to just compliment someone and mean it. The point is that you haven't mentioned anything that hints at them lying, so for all we know they could easily be telling the truth. You can't confirm if they are lying or not.

If I didn't know they're lies, I wouldn't say so.
I doesn't make sense that multiple people, especially those I haven't met before, tell me how "smart" I am. Some guy insisted on how "smart" I am, even though we only spoke twice about 5 or 6 years ago. I'm as stupid as they come and I know that. Maybe they pity me and try to make me feel better, who knows.
I'm told by someone I'm their "best friend", yet they never reach out.
Somewhat unrelated, but I've even been lied to by a therapist because he didn't like me.

 

[Saturn_]

I could probably be considered a pathological liar. To give you my perspective, I began constantly lying after I had been deeply hurt and traumatized over and over for showing vulnerability and telling the truth. Now it's come naturally. I lie as easily as I breathe. I'm not entirely sure how real or fake a person I am or how real or fake my personality is. I have a core fear of vulnerability. I don't tell people about my worst transgressions or my fears, and I never confess to the people I love, because it would destroy me if I were taken advantage of or rejected in any way.

I'm very glad you don't understand why people like myself lie a lot. Don't ever start lying. You will always be freer for your willingness to embrace the truth. Be free and be as real as you can.

 

[Forever Sleep]

They're probably trying to give you some confidence and some sense of self worth by encouraging you. I can understand it being frustrating if you think they are lying but the opposite is pretty harsh too. I studied a course where they were really hard on people. Just a barage of criticism most of the time. That ends up making you fearful and unmotivated.

They may actually think it's true as well. Maybe they see more potential in you than you do. The comment to the judge in particular did seem interesting. Plus- they probably hope it will set you on a good path. If they think you have the intelligence to succeed at something in life, they maybe hope that encouraging you will motivate you to believe you can achieve some goal you set your mind to.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Because lying helped our ancestors spread their genes ever since we learned how to communicate.

It's an evolutionary advantage, especially when one can lie to themself.

 

[Meteora]

Might be you really are very smart.
In general, people lie from morning to evening, it seems to me. I don't understand it either.

 

[sserafim]

Because all people do is lie. That's just life. I don't know why. Probably because it's beneficial or to their advantage to lie? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, not the compliments that people give you

Oh wait, I just had a revelation: they want to make you feel good about yourself so that you like them better. People are also scared of confrontation and would rather sugarcoat things than tell it like it is

Because lying helped our ancestors spread their genes ever since we learned how to communicate.

It's an evolutionary advantage

How so?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

How so?

"Grog not sleep with other woman, Grog only want you Unga"

"Unga know you like Boobra better for her body but me heard she has rock crabs"

"Greetings, people of Troy. I come to you with a peace offering: this giant wooden horse shall symbolize that all is forgiven."

Etc etc

 

[1MiserableGuy]

Because our culture cannot handle the truth, so to avoid having to face it, they penalize honesty. Not just on the personal level either, but on the societal level with censorship.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

They're probably trying to give you some confidence and some sense of self worth by encouraging you. I can understand it being frustrating if you think they are lying but the opposite is pretty harsh too. I studied a course where they were really hard on people. Just a barage of criticism most of the time. That ends up making you fearful and unmotivated.

I'd probably do better if I only got criticised. You can't improve without criticism and all that.

They may actually think it's true as well. Maybe they see more potential in you than you do. The comment to the judge in particular did seem interesting. Plus- they probably hope it will set you on a good path. If they think you have the intelligence to succeed at something in life, they maybe hope that encouraging you will motivate you to believe you can achieve some goal you set your mind to.

I know they don't think it's true. Encouragement seems unlikely to me too. "You're so smart, so why don't you go to school?" doesn't sound particularly encouraging to me. Maybe it's the "I at least did something" mindset. Like telling someone who's struggling to just "put in more effort".