Discussion Why do I want it to look accidental? What methods look accidental or natural?

[departindarkness]

I was going to CTB by lethal administration of fentanyl. My plug just blew me off. I've been addicted to drugs for over ten years now, it is almost inevitability at this point.

It's interesting that that should matter to me. That I somehow believe my family and loved ones would feel better and take it easier if it comes from an overdose rather than a suicide.

They're the only things keeping me tethered right now. I'm inches away from it because I'm trying to avoid something awful.

Do y'all know if there's any ways to do this making it look natural or accidental?

 

[wagner2029]

Making it look like an accident is even more difficult, CTB is already difficult.
Death is just death, no matter how it happened, what happens next is none of your business, as long as your CTB doesn't put other people at risk.

 

[departindarkness]

Making it look like an accident is even more difficult, CTB is already difficult.
Death is just death, no matter how it happened, what happens next is none of your business, as long as your CTB doesn't put other people at risk.

Well, that's the thing. It could be easily argued that id be putting my mother at risk. Her father died in '19 and her mother is dying right now. She also has poor health (depression, COPD and joint issues). I doubt at her recovery from both her mother's and her youngest child's death. It probably would be the end of her. Fuck just typing this out is making me see that I'm going to have to eat the crow. Fuck. Fucking mother fuck.

My 9 year old niece struggles with anxiety of some sort and I know my death would very seriously impact her. She adores me. It's one if not the only thing that makes me feel like a decent human being. That I matter.

Even though I am a few hours away from CTB I still cannot talk about what troubles me.

I stand to lead a very different life if I continue to breathe. Torture, suffering, exile. These will be mine forever.


I ask myself, "how could anyone subject another human being to this and then get upset when they tap out?"


God help me.

 

[wagner2029]

Well, that's the thing. It could be easily argued that id be putting my mother at risk. Her father died in '19 and her mother is dying right now. She also has poor health (depression, COPD and joint issues). I doubt at her recovery from both her mother's and her youngest child's death. It probably would be the end of her. Fuck just typing this out is making me see that I'm going to have to eat the crow. Fuck. Fucking mother fuck.

My 9 year old niece struggles with anxiety of some sort and I know my death would very seriously impact her. She adores me. It's one if not the only thing that makes me feel like a decent human being. That I matter.

Even though I am a few hours away from CTB I still cannot talk about what troubles me.

I stand to lead a very different life if I continue to breathe. Torture, suffering, exile. These will be mine forever.


I ask myself, "how could anyone subject another human being to this and then get upset when they tap out?"


God help me.

If you don't feel good in this world and want to leave, it's your decision, in any case it will be difficult for those who stay, but from the inside out it's only you who knows what's happening.
You will always have thoughts of how it could be different, feelings of guilt, but it's just your mind trying to live. I intend to CTB today or tomorrow, I know how difficult it is, but if you've reached your limit, if you can't take it anymore, just go in peace.