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That's the way depression hunts: like a kraken it grabs you and pulls you down into the depths. The further you are away from the surface, the more you think you won't make it back up and just succumb to its tight grasp.
But then the opposite tactic - wallowing in your misery and purposefully not trying to improve your situation - also furthers the downward spiral. Truly there is no escape save for those who saw the light and became religious fanatics. Hey, whatever helps them cope. They're more functional than most of us, so their delusions must be doing something for them.
this is similar to how i feel - im so sick of finding a possible solution, only for it to be another false alarm - i just want to go to sleep now, forever - i love going to sleep at night, it's my favourite part of the day, so why not just go to sleep forever
i suspect i am borderline too, but i am not diagnosed so i wont say i have it. im constantly finding a way to destroy myself and i act like a child. im constantly upset and miserable and nothing i do helps and i dont know why.
