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IQLESS

IQLESS

Member
Oct 25, 2021
26
Everytime I'm given am option to improve and drag myself out of this shit-hole I am in I choose the option to not do it and instead just make myself worse, why. I don't want help from anyone yet it could save me and actually eventually make me happy or something, but instead I just keep sending myself down the shithole over and over again. I don't want help, everyone around me can fuck off.
 
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Crazy4u

Crazy4u

Enlightened
Sep 29, 2021
1,318
you are probably exhausted and burned out. you must have been suffering for so long. i don't want to trigger you (I am sorry if I did) but you may not have a great support system in your life.

I can relate. I refuse help because I am so done with life.
 
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Versailles

Versailles

Enlightened
Oct 1, 2020
1,647
Don't feel bad about it either, the rejection of the best options is normal, often as a result of nonconformity or fear of change that can be generated on a daily basis. It is difficult to get out of a situation if you do not have the natural desire to do so, on the other hand, if you try to force yourself to seek a change, it is likely that later you will not enjoy it as you should
 
miserableforever

miserableforever

Arcanist
Oct 23, 2020
488
That's self sabotage.
Have you looked into Borderline?
Please do. Not saying it's your issue, but there's a possibility.
 
Neowise

Neowise

We fly and fly but never reach our destination.
Oct 7, 2020
508
Everytime I'm given am option to improve and drag myself out of this shit-hole I am in I choose the option to not do it and instead just make myself worse, why. I don't want help from anyone yet it could save me and actually eventually make me happy or something, but instead I just keep sending myself down the shithole over and over again. I don't want help, everyone around me can fuck off.
That's the way depression hunts: like a kraken it grabs you and pulls you down into the depths. The further you are away from the surface, the more you think you won't make it back up and just succumb to its tight grasp.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,494
I'm sorry you are suffering. It sounds like you are going through a lot. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
 
clown_17

clown_17

Almost gone, it almost worked
Oct 24, 2020
288
Maybe trying gets your hopes up, which in turn makes you feel even worse when things don't work out
 
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Jack4230

Jack4230

Lame
Sep 8, 2019
83
I'm the exact same way. I've had ample opportunities to change but its like I'm addicted to fucking up and feeling miserable. I could start today but I know I won't. All I want to do is sleep.
 
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M

myopybyproxy

flickerbeat \\ gibberish-noise
Dec 18, 2021
864
Brains get into patterns easily - whether destructive or constructive/productive - and once a habit is established, it's difficult to break.

Though of course knowing this is of little use in solving the problem. I'm in the same boat, OP. Every day of self sabotaging - or yet another temporary and futile attempt to improve myself - only reinforces the loop and makes me more hopeless. Yet somehow this mental shitshow isn't enough to convince me without a doubt that I must die.
Maybe trying gets your hopes up, which in turn makes you feel even worse when things don't work out
But then the opposite tactic - wallowing in your misery and purposefully not trying to improve your situation - also furthers the downward spiral. Truly there is no escape save for those who saw the light and became religious fanatics. Hey, whatever helps them cope. They're more functional than most of us, so their delusions must be doing something for them.
 
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przeciwwymiotne

Be rude to me at all times, I don't deserve kindne
Jun 27, 2022
360
I'm stuck in this pattern as well
 
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HopefulButPrepared

HopefulButPrepared

Experienced
Jun 22, 2022
247
Everytime I'm given am option to improve and drag myself out of this shit-hole I am in I choose the option to not do it and instead just make myself worse, why. I don't want help from anyone yet it could save me and actually eventually make me happy or something, but instead I just keep sending myself down the shithole over and over again. I don't want help, everyone around me can fuck off.
this is similar to how i feel - im so sick of finding a possible solution, only for it to be another false alarm - i just want to go to sleep now, forever - i love going to sleep at night, it's my favourite part of the day, so why not just go to sleep forever
 
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hellispink

hellispink

poisonous
May 26, 2022
1,229
I just want to destroy myself every way I can. I am borderline, and the more destruction I do to me, the more I enjoy it. I am my worst enemy. I also find it hard for others to understand that the help they are usually offering is not gonna last forever or they would want something in return.
 
neverbeenbetter

neverbeenbetter

Member
Jul 16, 2022
39
I just want to destroy myself every way I can. I am borderline, and the more destruction I do to me, the more I enjoy it. I am my worst enemy. I also find it hard for others to understand that the help they are usually offering is not gonna last forever or they would want something in return.
i suspect i am borderline too, but i am not diagnosed so i wont say i have it. im constantly finding a way to destroy myself and i act like a child. im constantly upset and miserable and nothing i do helps and i dont know why.
 
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