Venting Why do i have to be curious

[no_ones_normal:)]

I hate myself. I hate my stupid dumbfuck 6-7 year old self. I hate the stupid ass bitch who yelled something about sex when I was 6-7. I hate that I was curious and stupid and searched sex.com. I hate that I addicted to porn. I hate that it ruined my innocency. I hate that I got into cp at 14 and plunged my self further into my addiction. I hate that I saw the tantacrul vid. I hate that I found this website. I hate that I wanted cbt after realizing how fucked up the world was. I hate that I acted as if I hadn't seen a shit ton of gore already. I hate that I didn't go through with it. I hate that I found help. I hate that I lied to my therapist. I hate I'm back on this shitty site. I hate that I can't go 24 fucking hours without porn. I hate myself for being addicted to every bad thing I find out about. I just want the perpetual suffering to end.

 

[wondering&wandering]

I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences. There really isn't much I feel I can say except that I know how you feel in some ways. I was addicted to porn for almost a decade (been clean a few months now). I'm glad I never got into the gore thing, but I could see how easy it might be to do so: to test the very limits of one's psyche, to see the worst the world can do to us humans, to feel how our very soul reacts to our morbid curiosities.

If it means anything, feel free to PM me. I hope you find peace soon!