why do I get extremely attached to people?

[SadLoser]

The first time I went on a date was almost 5 years ago. It didn't work out and I spent 3 years crying about it. Like I would walk hours everyday in the hopes I see her and she takes me back.

Recently I went on 2 dates with a girl and then she started fucking someone else and I am completely devastated. I sleep for 12 hours, I don't eat, I can barely get out of bed, I have to crawl up in a ball because I feel physical pain from this. I keep going back to places we went on our dates and drink alcohol there because it's strangely comforting but it fucks me up at the same time.

I'm similar with regular friends. If I feel they might not be excited to see me in any way I get a panic attack.

is there a name for this? Is it some kind of disorder? Or is it just called being lonely?

 

[Georg]

The first time I went on a date was almost 5 years ago. It didn't work out and I spent 3 years crying about it. Like I would walk hours everyday in the hopes I see her and she takes me back.

Recently I went on 2 dates with a girl and then she started fucking someone else and I am completely devastated. I sleep for 12 hours, I don't eat, I can barely get out of bed, I have to crawl up in a ball because I feel physical pain from this. I keep going back to places we went on our dates and drink alcohol there because it's strangely comforting but it fucks me up at the same time.

It's bc you are not attractive and you don't have any other options regarding dating. A good looking dude would just meet another girl instead of crying

 

[SadLoser]

It's bc you are not attractive and you don't have any other options regarding dating. A good looking dude would just meet another girl instead of crying

I get approached by girls pretty often, but i'm completely socially inept so it doesn't go anywhere. Yeah, I don't get asked out much but very few men do.
These 2 times i'm talking about, I was asked out on the date by girls who only asked me out based on what I look like as I haven't spoken to them much before.

 

[Georg]

Yeah, I don't get asked out much but very few men do.

True, that's why most men are simps.

 

[SadLoser]

True, that's why most men are simps.

that's just how the world works most of the time.

 

[kwho]

is there a name for this? Is it some kind of disorder?

You have Anxious Attachement Style. Unfortunately for you it can be detected by others even after a brief interaction.

Recently I went on 2 dates with a girl and then she started fucking someone else

Also - this attitude isn't helpful. You underestimate women's ability to read people. It doesn't matter if you are on your best behaviour when meeting someone. Who you are always shines through. Unless you are a sociopath. Your chances of success would be higher then. Are you?

 

[SadLoser]

You have Anxious Attachement Style. Unfortunately for you it can be detected by others even after a brief interaction.


Also - this attitude isn't helpful. You underestimate women's ability to read people. It doesn't matter if you are on your best behaviour when meeting someone. Who you are always shines through. Unless you are a sociopath. Your chances of success would be higher then. Are you?

What attitude? It's what happened. Are you saying it's obvious that i'm desperate for affection?

 

[unnormal9]

True, that's why most men are simps.

You really are something.
Most guys I know are confident, but we're not like you.

 

[_smile_]

The first time I went on a date was almost 5 years ago. It didn't work out and I spent 3 years crying about it. Like I would walk hours everyday in the hopes I see her and she takes me back.

Recently I went on 2 dates with a girl and then she started fucking someone else and I am completely devastated. I sleep for 12 hours, I don't eat, I can barely get out of bed, I have to crawl up in a ball because I feel physical pain from this. I keep going back to places we went on our dates and drink alcohol there because it's strangely comforting but it fucks me up at the same time.

I'm similar with regular friends. If I feel they might not be excited to see me in any way I get a panic attack.

is there a name for this? Is it some kind of disorder? Or is it just called being lonely?

Hi - I'm a female and experience attachment as well. I remember, and am attached to, every single person that has ever impacted my life in some way. I am 32 years old and still think about friends and lovers from high school/college. I have cried at night over them; knowing they dont even remember i exist, yet i am spending my evening thinking about them. I have even reached out to them via some form of social media and it was horrible ha. I have been afraid to look into attachment styles and why i am the way i am.
But i just wanted you to know that you're not alone in this. It's definitely not normal, but misery loves company i also do not believe being attractive has anythinggg to do with this.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

The first time I went on a date was almost 5 years ago. It didn't work out and I spent 3 years crying about it. Like I would walk hours everyday in the hopes I see her and she takes me back.

Recently I went on 2 dates with a girl and then she started fucking someone else and I am completely devastated. I sleep for 12 hours, I don't eat, I can barely get out of bed, I have to crawl up in a ball because I feel physical pain from this. I keep going back to places we went on our dates and drink alcohol there because it's strangely comforting but it fucks me up at the same time.

I'm similar with regular friends. If I feel they might not be excited to see me in any way I get a panic attack.

is there a name for this? Is it some kind of disorder? Or is it just called being lonely?

I get attached to people as well. Not just dates. Friends and co-workers. I just repell people. I've been this way my entire life. Sorry for your pain.

 

[Someone123]

The first time I went on a date was almost 5 years ago. It didn't work out and I spent 3 years crying about it. Like I would walk hours everyday in the hopes I see her and she takes me back.

Recently I went on 2 dates with a girl and then she started fucking someone else and I am completely devastated. I sleep for 12 hours, I don't eat, I can barely get out of bed, I have to crawl up in a ball because I feel physical pain from this. I keep going back to places we went on our dates and drink alcohol there because it's strangely comforting but it fucks me up at the same time.

I'm similar with regular friends. If I feel they might not be excited to see me in any way I get a panic attack.

is there a name for this? Is it some kind of disorder? Or is it just called being lonely?

I do this it is just being lonely- loneliness is the worst thing thoug, just about, except probably for physical torture. The difference between connectingt and not connecting can be small. I think if you can develop a better way to get to know people and to find peopel who care about you you can make progress. Videos ou youtibe anout how to make friends, how to make a relationship last, etc. offer a lot of good ideas. If you review these videos and then try out ideas that make sens eto you you could get past this and learn how to coeect better with peopel. You're partway there,m but getting connectinos to start, but likely in your upbringing you didn't get good social experiences at home to prepare you for connecting well with others. It can be done, and I think you could find a way if you work at it.

 

[Pluto]

is there a name for this? Is it some kind of disorder? Or is it just called being lonely?

I relate to what you say. It is painful to read. Really hope you are able to find a breakthrough.

As others have said, attachment theory is a possible explanation. People with secure attachment enjoy the double whammy of not being particularly distressed at losing people, yet easily attracting and maintaining healthy relationships. Lucky mugs. Further reading.

Another one to research is Borderline Personality Disorder. It includes a pattern of difficulty being alone, intense fear of abandonment and unstable relationships. Further reading.

In all cases, it would be worth speaking to a therapist about the neglect, abuses and traumas that gave rise to this situation. Sometimes medication can help, sometimes therapy can too. There's also a whole world of dating advice out there which can help with practical advice in that arena.

 

[Georg]

You really are something.
Most guys I know are confident, but we're not like you.

Why are they confident?

More than 60% of men in their 20s are single

A Pew Research Center survey found that 30 percent of them identified as single, but when broken down by age group and gender, 63 percent of men between the ages of 18 to 29 reported being alone.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[Forever Sleep]

Might be worth looking up the term 'limerance'. It's an obsessive form of love. I would say I am very prone to this. I'm a very obsessive person also and I'm sorry- it sucks. It's very easy to become very emotionally attached to people and then get very hurt.

I don't know what kind of childhood you had. It's a cliche but I suspect a lot of how we relate to the world and other people is set up then. I would recommend looking at the YouTuber: Crappy Childhood Fairy. She talks about limerance etc.