Venting Why do I feel the need to let myself have a psychotic episode?

[ForgottenAgain]

I started having psychotic episodes around 3 months ago and they were horrible. An intense panic like I've never felt before, terror. I would feel like objects around me are evil and want to hurt me, I would cry and believe insane things.

I had a terrible time but, even so, I feel like I want to let myself have a psychotic episode. I feel like I need to let myself have those crazy moments and I don't know why. They are painful, why do I feel the need to have them?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Each one provides a nice dopamine hit that your brain craves.

 

[Abyssal]

I feel similar with panic attacks kinda. It's probably different, take what I say with a grain of salt, but I always expect to feel better afterwards like how you nausea goes away with vomiting. Doesn't actually work that way though, usually just feels worse.