Venting Why do I feel suicidal when things are going well?

[internetgrime]

I'm in a great relationship, I'm away from my abusive mother, I have a cat and friends who love me and I'm making new local friends. I'm just poor, that's really the only thing wrong in my life, and I still get episodes of overwhelming suicidal ideation and it's always buzzing like static in my brain. Am I just broken?

 

[dinosavr]

I think I can relate a little and I've been explaining it to myself like that.
The suicidal tendencies started when I was depressed and I was at the very bottom. I was thinking about dying 24/7 and it seemed to be a perfect solution and I discussed it on so many different levels in my head that it just became really reasonable. I mean, for real, suicide seems to be a good option in my opinion, regardless of how you feel and what's going on in your life.
Cause, after all, we're all gonna die at some point. So why do we need to wait? Even though I'm quite okay at the moment, I'm not enjoying my time on earth too much, so it seems to be a really reaaalllyyyyy good way to go. Way better than facing all the problems now & in the future, for sure!

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Anxiety associated with financial issues will always lurk in the background until they are addressed, The best thing you can do right now is capitalize on the current positive energy you have and harness some of it to start chipping away at your money situation. Don't waste it on euphoric complacency.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Could it be fear of losing the things you have? A kind of- quit while you're ahead type thing? I guess it depends on whether your suicidal thoughts feel kind of more flippant or whether they feel intense and unhappy.

I've found that, even if things are going relatively well- if I ask myself- would you still be ok with dying now? The answer is either- I don't mind or- yes. I think in part, for me anyway, I'm testing that my overall principles are the same because feeling happy can feel confusing! I also see having little or no fear of death as a good thing- seeing as it's coming one day regardless. I've known people really suffer because they were afraid of death.