Until a few days ago I had a very defeatist mind, I took it for granted that everything I proposed today or tomorrow was going to be another failure, as my whole life has been, without a girlfriend, friends and father currently absent and brothers who make their own life, these last few years I have felt even worse since my father died, my mother had a new commitment and I feel like she left us aside, apparently everything I had stored all these years exploded in some way, I started having suicidal thoughts since I was 6 years old, one day like any other I just let myself go and I told myself maybe they are right about what they say about me, I saw how everyone was doing better than me in everything, from studies to sports, always They made fun of me and said I was useless, not only because of my physical defects but also because of my weak character. My family also believed it that way. Sometimes they stressed to me how dull I was or that I was a crybaby or a coward. My brother always He hit me, my mother was at home but when I tried to get closer I felt her rejection and sometimes she yelled at me how useless I was when she was upset, I reacted by locking myself in my room in the fetal position or hugging my pillow trying to convince myself that it wasn't like that and my Father was always away for work. I tried to commit suicide a few times, only once was I discovered by my mother.
I always let everyone walk over me and that's why I lost many opportunities, from friends, girlfriends or studies. What I regret most in my entire life is giving in to what others say about me and that is the main reason for my problem in life, I stopped having control of my life, I'm not saying that right now I'm a different person. it's just that I don't want to lose again and that is what I have decided to follow all my life from now on.
As you can see, I went on too long, but what I'm getting at is that everyone has problems and you should find the root of yours through introspection, I don't think that you don't know the reason, you're just avoiding it, that's it.
