why do i always get worse when i start getting better

[IWasColdBesideYou]

it's like an actual curse. anytime i go more than few days without my mind tormenting me it comes back seemingly worse than before, all the time. ive tried medication, it didn't work. I can't do things that calm me down, because most things really just piss me off. I don't know how to explain it. It's like for a while i can feel actual, genuine happiness, and then its just emptiness and despair all over again. I can't even begin to think of doing something i would genuinely enjoy doing because its like all the joy i could have ever possibly felt is just gone. It's all sadness and anger. I'm only 15, and my parents know im this way and have been trying to get me into therapy for a while, but its taking forever. Is there something i can do to make myself feel somewhat normal until that day comes? I just want to enjoy the things im interested in like i used to. Sorry if this isnt the right thread for this by the way, i havent used this site in a few months so i don't really know where this should go.

 

[parader]

as silly as it may sound, what keeps me surviving is the "hold on just a little while longer" mindset
whenever my mind goes into the deepest and darkest corners, the only thing that keeps me alive is trying to hold on
hold on for help, hold on for anything actually
i know it may never come, i've been on therapy and medication for 9 years already, i'm trying everything that i possibly can in the hopes of getting better
i feel so helpless most of the time, but when things get seriously dangerous it's just about holding on, surviving every second is a victory
it will get better, everything passes, hold on for as long as you can
i genuinely hope it pays off for both of us

 

[Hollowman]

as silly as it may sound, what keeps me surviving is the "hold on just a little while longer" mindset
whenever my mind goes into the deepest and darkest corners, the only thing that keeps me alive is trying to hold on
hold on for help, hold on for anything actually
i know it may never come, i've been on therapy and medication for 9 years already, i'm trying anything that i possibly can in the hopes of getting better
i feel so helpless most of the time, but when things get seriously dangerous it's just about holding on, surviving every second is a victory
it will get better, everything passes, hold on for as long as you can
i genuinely hope it pays off for both of us

I doubt they'll see that, looks like they got banned for being 15.

 

[parader]

I doubt they'll see that, looks like they got banned for being 15.

yeah i saw the crossed username, but thought it might help someone else
i truly hope they can get better