Why didn’t i try?

[goodoldnoname923]

Why did i let someone talk me out of it last night…kept telling me things i was desperate to hear from people for a long time…but ultimately what did it matter it wouldn't change anything

All they did was tell me I'd definitely change and definitely find the person i was looking for despite the fact thats just not going to happen and even if it did as i've explained extensively it wouldn't be worth it

I even told them how i got attached to people and all they said was "its ok just spend sometime with yourself" and i'm like…WHAT? Don't you think i've had enough time with myself all these years

It set me into a panic and made me realise i had made a stupid mistake listening to it all…"things gradully get better,i can get better" words that yes all sound good in theory but excution…blue was my only purpose in life as unhealthy as that was…I could've built a life around her but no…why should i have to wait another 7 or so years for a chance of happiness…

I should've gone yesterday yet here we are again…feeling in terrible agonising pain wether i go tonight idk now but i will one day