According to statistics, every 11 minutes someone in the United States commits suicide. I can't help but wonder why I can't. I have no idea what is keeping me here. True, part of me doesn't want to hurt others but I shouldn't be miserable just to make them happy. I have a method all picked out. All I think about anymore is ctb. Even at work where I should be focusing on work I think about dying. I am hoping to find the courage to end it today.
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,351
All I think about is dying as well, it is the only thing that is right for me. I want nothing to do with living. I'm sorry you are in this situation, suicide is very difficult after all. The survival instinct can be powerful and it can be determined to keep us suffering. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.
Rational man
Enlightened
- Oct 19, 2021
- 1,485
Maybe your inner voice is asking you to think otherwise. Perhaps the reason will he clearer later on.
Being acutely suicidal but not being able to go through with it is a tortuous situation to be in. I'm sorry for your situation.
I used to wonder why suicide rates seemed so low - one million per year in a population of seven billion seemed low - but having been to the brink myself with every intention of going through with it and not being able, now I have a new found appreciation for how difficult it is and how much pain is being escaped from for those who have. It's a really really hard thing to do. Someone on here once described it as like trying to hack a supercomputer and I think this is very apt.
It's actually quite laughable that some people, such as New York Times journalists, almost depict the situation as people accidentally finding this website while innocently looking for cat videos and saying "hey, that looks like fun!", before casually ordering what they need and going through with it just for the purposes of entertaining a few online onlookers. This isn't the reality at all. Anyone who thinks that this website is having an effect on the overall successful suicide statistics is deluded at best. The existence of this site has very little influence over your thinking, if any at all, in those crucial and possibly last moments before death.
I used to wonder why suicide rates seemed so low - one million per year in a population of seven billion seemed low - but having been to the brink myself with every intention of going through with it and not being able, now I have a new found appreciation for how difficult it is and how much pain is being escaped from for those who have. It's a really really hard thing to do. Someone on here once described it as like trying to hack a supercomputer and I think this is very apt.
It's actually quite laughable that some people, such as New York Times journalists, almost depict the situation as people accidentally finding this website while innocently looking for cat videos and saying "hey, that looks like fun!", before casually ordering what they need and going through with it just for the purposes of entertaining a few online onlookers. This isn't the reality at all. Anyone who thinks that this website is having an effect on the overall successful suicide statistics is deluded at best. The existence of this site has very little influence over your thinking, if any at all, in those crucial and possibly last moments before death.
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hopelesscallgirl
Member
- Feb 5, 2022
- 16
I think that our SI is pretty crazy, I had a few times over the last few years where it kicked in. I was also saved a couple of times. I think that our minds are very powerful and overcoming SI can be hard but achievable.
WadeingThru
Experienced
- Feb 25, 2022
- 209
Hercules
Arcanist
- Jan 31, 2021
- 408
Maybe it isn't your time yet. It is possible that a small part of you wants to live and is still holding out hope. I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate. I know it is hell being trapped between life and death and feeling that you can't do anything about it.
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