I have been on an off here for a little while. Sometimes I feel okay but the last couple weeks I have found myself with my gun to my head. I just can not pull the trigger idk why. I know there will be people who miss me mainly my kids I think. I just am feeling so lost an alone. Never felt like I was ever wanted just a thing that took up time an energy from those around me. Death is one finger pull from me I cant do it. I just cry at how weak I feel an put the gun down. I just dont want to feel this pain in my core anymore an I am lost to go to continue
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Zegers
Enlightened
- Dec 15, 2021
- 1,758
You have no idea how I wish I had a gun in my hand, in my case I wouldn't think so much about it, unfortunately here in EU its not easy to get a gun.
I wish i could say something to make you feel better but i feel in misery.
I wish i could say something to make you feel better but i feel in misery.
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,188
I'm sorry you're going through such a situation. You may not see it right now, but something tells you not to pull the trigger, and that, my friend, is that you still have hope of changing your life. I really think you can get out of this. Not pulling the trigger is a good sign.
I've been there, I'm basically there every minute of every day. It's easy for someone who can't get a gun to say they wouldn't hesitate but the bottom line is wanting to die does not automatically make you the kind of person who can shoot themselves in the head.
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Where is the pain in your core coming from? It's real easy to consider suicide when you have access to a gun? You said you feel lost & alone, have you tried talking to a good therapist or opening up to someone you can trust? If you can't pull the trigger that may mean that you really don't want to die, so why not try to do something new that might possibly relieve your pain? I'm not saying you haven't, I'm ignorant of your situation, and just making suggestions. I'm sure if your kids knew what was going on, they would want you to try to get help, so they are not missing you and negatively affected by your suicide for the rest of their lives. Most parents are deeply loved by their children, like I said, I don't know your situation.
ojinzo
Specialist
- Feb 21, 2022
- 304
I'm so jealous. If I had one I wouldn't be writing. Wishing you all the best
I wish I could get a gun I'm uk though I would sell my soil for a loaded gun
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,300
I think that maybe many people manage to go through with it when they are so desperate and the pain of living becomes unbearable for them, all that they want is to escape. They just know that it is time for them to leave. Of course ctb can still be difficult even if we have a method with us as even know we want to die we are all programmed to survive. I think that if I had a gun, I would personally be scared of going through with it as I would fear it going wrong in some way.
Living really is so painful and I can imagine that it must be hard what you are going through. It is such a cruel life which drives people to this point. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.
Living really is so painful and I can imagine that it must be hard what you are going through. It is such a cruel life which drives people to this point. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering.
blue_muse
Mage
- Jan 31, 2021
- 553
Euthanza
Self Righteous Suicide
- Jun 9, 2022
- 1,447
You're not weak. You have kids, I'm pretty sure you have them in your mind that the strength of the attachment makes even harder for CTB.
I'm in the US. My gun gives me a relative (emphasis on relative) peace of mind, knowing I can check out anytime. If a hollow point .357 round fired point blank above my ear can't take me out almost instantly, I don't know what will.
if it makes you feel better I want to ctb partly because I'm almost 40 and never got to experience children to live for
Survival Instinct - We are not designed to do this. It's not an easy thing to do. Then there is hope, fear and conditioning too.... Society and movies make it looked like you can just be like.. Oh I'm out... not realizing that it's really hard.
Zegers
Enlightened
- Dec 15, 2021
- 1,758
That's what i think. When you have a gun or some reliable method, you have an exit at hand, otherwise you have to look for other things, which are not easy at any way to get (N, etc) not saying that if i had a gun i would shoot myself today, but i wouldn't have to worry about how damn can i have something to get me out of abyss at some point.
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The thought of one of my guns rotting in an evidence locker makes me want to find another method. But the efficacy of a 10 gauge slug cant be overstated lol
