Venting Why cant i just die?

[Mort]

I know i need to end this pitiful shitty life but i just cant to do it i knows how and were i am going . But when i get my self ready to i just chicken out why o why do i do that ? I know it's my time to go know one gives a shit about me anymore my parents have jusr give up on me . My onely friend of 10 years just stop talking to me dont know why . May she could not cope with me being in love with her she was my first true love as well would have done anything for her. But new we onley ever be friends but i was ok with that and i told her that and she was ol with it or so i thought. Any way that was the last part to go so i have nothing now just me and my crappy thoughts. But i still cant top my self how much more is it going to take . Just dont what to live into old age being a miserable old basted my mother side who i take after her parents live into they 100 her mum was 101 her dad was 102 . And no way i want to make it to that age i am 45 at the moment so you see how long i be around that scare the crap out of me. So why do i keep hanging on mind you my body is slowly falling apart its down to the amount of painkillers I bin takeing for long time . Kidneys live heart bowels all mess up so may be hanging out for that to kill me at least it will look natural no suicide on my death certificate which be a good thing . My life insurance will pay up then need to pay of my parents as they think I owe them money for living under their roof all thes years . And pay for me to be berryed to should make them happy that they dont have to pay for that to . Well thats me done for now sorry for of loading this crap but need just to get it of my chest. TATA one and all :)

 

[Letmego. Please]

Mort, if you don't mind me saying so you sound like you are suffering from severe depression, so firstly ((Hugs))

I know what you mean because i have been to the same place many times, the problem with depression is that each time you slip a bit deeper into no hope, like with the loss of your very good friend, it feels like it cannot get worse, that, that must be rock bottom.
I started this year having lost pretty much the last thing that meant anything to me, & i just wanted to die, was desperate, but them i remembered that (from my experience) i hadn't yet hit bottom, you mayn't be far off but you will know when you are there, as then what holds you back now will disappear, so i guess the short answer would be don't sweat it, when the time is right it will be right.

From a fellow wrong side of 45 painkiller popping knackered old bugger to another, relax ;-)