I'm having the same feeling right now. I'm so close but I'm scared. I wish more than anything I could just go to sleep and not wake up but I'm afraid to take my SN.
Maybe you are braver than you think, braver than you are giving yourself credit for. I think it is fucking BRAVE to keep staying in a life that makes one so unbearingly sad and despondent. FUCKING BRAVE to get on here, this site and type your mind, your thoughts, your fears. Fucking Brave. You. Are. Fucking. Brave.
You only need to be a little brave once and it is over, no chance to be brave again, yet you choose to keep being FUCKING BRAVE by continuing on. Way to go Bravy Braverson. See your own bravery for the truth it is.
You are brave.
I offer apologies if it has appeared I am conferring to actually succeed, or want to succeed in ctb is somehow less brave than choosing to stay. I am not. I am rather more contending that It is Brave to do either. Brave to face an as of yet unknown, which by the way could be worse, or could be grand, or could be any wheres in between is the same Brave to choose to stay in unacceptable known situation that may yet have positive offerings. Pro and Con lists are constantly ticked off within and choices are made accordingly and bravely so for myriad reasonings.
Either way 'we' are winners, either staying or leaving is successful as a collective and as a singularity.
Which is the better prepared for the unknown?
Fear or Confidence?
What makes a Navy Seal?
Go Confident unto the unknown.
If you are not confident, do not go. Staying to find that confidence you alone know you need is not failure, it is Wisdom in your own skills at accessing the situation.