Why aren't you happy?

[valar_morghulis21]

Traumas and lifelong depression, for the most part. Everything else is probably just a byproduct. Growing up visibly trans and neurodivergent in a third-world country really fuck me up. I always feel like I shouldn't have existed in the first place, like I'm not made for this world.

 

[Fuji]

I have PTSD, recurrent depression, autism and I hear voices who tell me to do stuff. I cant be happy when I keep ending up in hospital due to psychosis. I recently got admitted to hospital due to being in pyschosis and kept getting injected with lorazapam to shut me up. I hate life and constantly wish I was dead. Ive tried multiple times over the years but finally have SN coming on Monday. How can I be happy when the voices wont go away, the flashbacks wont go away. Im just crazy. I hear more than one voice and one of them is my dead flatmate who I was apparently telling everyone she was still alive. I dont even know whats real half the time. People keep saying i can't end it but fuck them its my life and im fucked.

 

[starboy2k]

because im still alive

 

[FoxSauce]

Lifes hard and I want out and I'm just too highly sensitive for a harsh cold world. When? I dunno. Every method seems painful so I have to be in limbo (mentally now) but I still have a smidge of hope that it'll turn around.

And just Dealing with Severe (recurrent) depression and (GAD) fear for almost everything mixed with BPD its just hell.

Even dealing with all that with a customer service job is hell. I always think today is my last day (being fired I mean)

 

[suncide10]

I just can't. The best I can feel is numb. I can't imagine what should happen in my life for me to be sincerely happy.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I live in 3rd world mess, things I wanted is not possible here, system is just absolutely horrifying and I get hungry, too much people yet too little food to feed. People are living like worse than cockroaches. Everything is exhausted and life threatening so death's a safe exit or the most logical thing.

 

[pk@2001]

I have lost my own soul, my life 6 years back
Now I'm just drenched in pain and agony with this falling body.

 

[meowpuppy]

i'm completely unloved, have no friends, family, or partner, i'm pretty neurodivergent, depressed, anxious, and i have very few hobbies or interests, mainly just reading.

 

[Mistergeburt]

sometimes I wish someone would just swoop in and take care of everything for me life is incredibly exhausting, and it is even more exhausting when you have a brain that you always have to fight with.


oh, are you me? none of the goals I have attained had ever made me happy in the way I thought they would. makes it really hard to strive for anything in life when I know that my brain just won't generate the chemicals I need regardless... i hate that cliche saying but happiness is really all in the brain. i constantly see people in much worse life situations than me being a thousand times happier. a lobotomy would save me


im starting to think we might be the same person. lol. this is exactly my reason to keep going, too, i love helping people and it is the only thing that gives my life some meaning. that, and my art. how have you been pursuing that? I've been volunteering and thinking of trying for a career that will be helpful to humanity. the depressive episodes make committing to this really hard, though...

i relate a lot also, im pretty sure this forum was kind of made for oversharing, so it's all good. people can post stuff here that they aren't able to say anywhere else which is why I really like SaSu.

Woah, I didn't expect anyone to relate this much Thank you for your reply! As I'm socially anxious it's really hard to go towards people and help like this. I'm usually only doing small stuff that doesn't make much of a difference. Like coding stuff, listening to people, making them feel less lonely, making them feel understood, making music and just spreading love in general. So I'm not really doing much, but it's at least something and maybe in the future I could do more and more useful stuff. I'd love to do more, but I'm exhausted already. What kind of art do you make, if I may ask?

 

[brokennsad]

The list of my issues is too long. I lost everything, that's all.

Unfortunately I know how u feel. U said it all. Try having someone tell u, just be happy

 

[LonelyPrince]

Emotionally abusive family that lead me to hate myself more than anyone else and believe I'm uncapable of doing anything.

 

[telekon]

bc im hungry...havent been eating right in a really long time

I'm sure I deserve all the pain I get but I really just want to die now:) thank you

 

[passthisnote]

the future will not be good for me rn my life is pretty decent but it's all gonna go downhill as i age and the world in general deteriorates

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Theres not one fulfilling thing in my life.

 

[[redacted]]

I'm kind of ashamed of admitting it because it's something that everyone puts up with :$

 

[ForMeanGhosts]

I've grown to hate virtually all human interaction because of chronic anhedonia, but I also get very lonely at times and seek out, only to be inevitably dissapointed again.

 

[unluckysadness]

i'm completely unloved, have no friends, family, or partner, i'm pretty neurodivergent, depressed, anxious, and i have very few hobbies or interests, mainly just reading.

Same (unloved, have no friends, family, or partner, i'm pretty neurodivergent, depressed, anxious), except reading because reading takes me too much energy. So I'm addicted to screens from morning to night.

 

[meowpuppy]

Same (unloved, have no friends, family, or partner, i'm pretty neurodivergent, depressed, anxious), except reading because reading takes me too much energy. So I'm addicted to screens from morning to night.

i'm also really stuck to screens, but my anxiety is so bad that if i take my eyes away from a screen for even like, 20 seconds, i'll feel a bout of anxiety so it's not really by choice.

 

[no mas]

Autism. I can't do basically anything, highly struggle to follow instructions. Slight cognitive impairment. I can't appreciate a film or a book because can't follow the plot, can't study a manual because can't connect dots as well. I can't relate to others due to similar reasons. All those small seemingly trivial things contribute to create the hell i daily live in, and the shame and desire to hide that follows.

Autism. I can't do basically anything, highly struggle to follow instructions. Slight cognitive impairment. I can't appreciate a film or a book because can't follow the plot, can't study a manual because can't connect dots as well. I can't relate to others due to similar reasons. All those small seemingly trivial things contribute to create the hell i daily live in, and the shame and desire to hide that follows.

That's something I'm familiar with. It's extremely frustrating, anxiety filled and demoralizing as few to no one accepts what they consider ultra slow or worse dum as equals. The shame factor is always there and can at times be covered by learned behavior nuances or such things as avoidance, excuses or cheating which in the end makes things doubly difficult when revealed on the back end. Wish there was a way to cure this condition. Ive lived with it as long as I can remember and Im over 60, that's a long time. But there have been periods of learning, discovery, peace, joy and a little fulfillment, just not near enough. Maybe they'll soon discover a drug to cure this condition. I sure hope so more for you and other young people than for myself. All in all try to make it a good day one day at a time.

Autism. I can't do basically anything, highly struggle to follow instructions. Slight cognitive impairment. I can't appreciate a film or a book because can't follow the plot, can't study a manual because can't connect dots as well. I can't relate to others due to similar reasons. All those small seemingly trivial things contribute to create the hell i daily live in, and the shame and desire to hide that follows.

 

[mar173]

Because I suffer from Schizotypal Personality Disorder (STPD), which is largely genetic and neurobiological. It's not just "shyness" or a bad mindset - my brain is physically hardwired to perceive the world and other people as dangerous.

Existing often feels like being an alien trying to pass as human.

When I'm in a group of people even at a casual gathering like a family barbecue - I can't just relax. The noise, the small talk, and the social cues cause intense sensory overload.

I am trapped in a painful paradox: I am profoundly lonely and crave connection, but being around humans makes me feel deeply unsafe, paranoid, and hypervigilant.

It's almost impossible to find happiness when you can never drop your guard, when you feel fundamentally detached from humanity, and when your own brain turns a simple social event into an exhausting battlefield.

 

[w1ngedpearl]

I made too many mistakes and consider myself a failure. I don't have any plans, I don't want to do anything, I don't see any reason to "try", to "be stronger", nothing motivates me. I just know it won't be better, I don't care about future. I can't be happy knowing it'll never be good.

 

[Charly]

Because he isn't with me

I just don't know how i could survive if *he* weren't with me. Send you love.

That's something I'm familiar with. It's extremely frustrating, anxiety filled and demoralizing as few to no one accepts what they consider ultra slow or worse dum as equals. The shame factor is always there and can at times be covered by learned behavior nuances or such things as avoidance, excuses or cheating which in the end makes things doubly difficult when revealed on the back end. Wish there was a way to cure this condition. Ive lived with it as long as I can remember and Im over 60, that's a long time. But there have been periods of learning, discovery, peace, joy and a little fulfillment, just not near enough. Maybe they'll soon discover a drug to cure this condition. I sure hope so more for you and other young people than for myself. All in all try to make it a good day one day at a time.

Thank you for your empathy. I doubt there's going to be a drug for a condition that's basically not considered a disability anymore if not particularly severe. I wish for you, and me as well, other times of peace and fulfillment. It's really tough. Hugs.

 

[no mas]

I just don't know how i could survive if *he* weren't with me. Send you love.

Thank you for your empathy. I doubt there's going to be a drug for a condition that's basically not considered a disability anymore if not particularly severe. I wish for you, and me as well, other times of peace and fulfillment. It's really tough. Hugs.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Happiness to me is pottering around in a garden with my dogs. Neither of which I am able to have anymore because they cost money.

 

[Vivissa]

becuase im useless and uhly. I cant be productive, I couldnt graduate from 2 carreers, despite having a lot of support.

 

[westernromanpatriot]

Because I have suffered so much so far, even my problems I could solve, I just don't feel they're worth solving anymore.

Even at the slightest difficulty my first instinct is giving up. When in doubt, I just give up. I also have a weird sense of peace and calm about it too, quitting feels... instead of sad or anxious, it feels kind of serene now?

 

[sacrilegeofsouls]

.

 

[mac_se]

I live in a world that doesn't want me.

 

[somedaybutnottoday]

Same (unloved, have no friends, family, or partner, i'm pretty neurodivergent, depressed, anxious), except reading because reading takes me too much energy. So I'm addicted to screens from morning to night.

Same boat