Why aren't you happy?

[far from glory]

Why?

 

[brokennsad]

Bc I lost everything thats ever meant somt9 me..everything

 

[TheEndof]

Partially just genetics. I don't think I have ever been happy, even as a little kid. Partially circumstances. I want a life with someone who hates me, for good reason. I'm a fuck up.

 

[Topacio]

Nothing fulfills me; apathy consumes me every day. Maybe this world isn't enough—I don't know.

 

[Pluto]

 

[kunikuzushi]

because I can't be happy knowing I'll lose everything when I die. there's no point. why would I work so hard for happiness when it won't even last?

 

[nails]

loneliness from losing all of my friends led to really bad anhedonia and now i can't even experience temporary joy
+ general bullshit in my life

 

[GroundControl]

I don't know. I want to be happy. I want to feel different. I hate that I'm like this. I just want joy.

 

[LostHighway]

Why?

I'd be happy as a clam if I could sleep regularly. That's all I need: SLEEP.

 

[LastNite]

I'd be happy as a clam if I could sleep regularly. That's all I need: SLEEP.

same lol. Ive been unable to sleep well for the past few months. I stay up till 11 AM the next day. Thats when I actually feel sleepy. I wish I was back on mirtazapine it fixed my sleep problems but gave me hunger problems which I didnt like.

 

[LostHighway]

same lol. Ive been unable to sleep well for the past few months. I stay up till 11 AM the next day. Thats when I actually feel sleepy. I wish I was back on mirtazapine it fixed my sleep problems but gave me hunger problems which I didnt like.

It sounds like you've developed Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. I have that in addition to severe insomnia. So you're a day sleeper? If this is something new, then with hard work and determination you might be able to fall asleep at a more sane hour. Even if it's like 4 am. What dosage of Mirtazepine are you on? 7.5 mg is the most effective dose for insomnia - nothing higher. I find at that dose I don't gain any weight. I have more of an appetite but it's not too overwhelming of an urge to eat too much.

 

[100memoryleaks]

because I'm not high

 

[LastNite]

It sounds like you've developed Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. I have that in addition to severe insomnia. So you're a day sleeper? If this is something new, then with hard work and determination you might be able to fall asleep at a more sane hour. Even if it's like 4 am. What dosage of Mirtazepine are you on? 7.5 mg is the most effective dose for insomnia - nothing higher. I find at that dose I don't gain any weight. I have more of an appetite but it's not too overwhelming of an urge to eat too much.

I see, thanks for the advice, I'm not on mirtazapine anymore. I was taking it a while ago. I cant recall the dosage, but I do recall it making me feel more hungrier than usual. Thats the reason why I stopped it. It helped me so much tho. I used sleep at 11 pm and wake up at 4-5 AM feeling good. I just didnt like feeling hungry that much.

 

[LostHighway]

I see, thanks for the advice, I'm not on mirtazapine anymore. I was taking it a while ago. I cant recall the dosage, but I do recall it making me feel more hungrier than usual. Thats the reason why I stopped it. It helped me so much tho. I used sleep at 11 pm and wake up at 4-5 AM feeling good. I just didnt like feeling hungry that much.

just one more question - are you falling asleep at 11 am now? and sleeping through the day?

I see, thanks for the advice, I'm not on mirtazapine anymore. I was taking it a while ago. I cant recall the dosage, but I do recall it making me feel more hungrier than usual. Thats the reason why I stopped it. It helped me so much tho. I used sleep at 11 pm and wake up at 4-5 AM feeling good. I just didnt like feeling hungry that much.

just one more question - are you falling asleep at 11 am now? and sleeping through the day?

 

[LastNite]

just one more question - are you falling asleep at 11 am now? and sleeping through the day?

just one more question - are you falling asleep at 11 am now? and sleeping through the day?

Today I woke up at 3 PM. I will probably stay up till 10 or 11 AM then fall asleep and wake up at 2-4 pm once again.
Im on EST timing so it's 12:03 AM as I type this.

so yeh I would most likely be doing that. Im sort of worried about my brain. I feel slow when Im on low amounts of sleep lol.

 

[darksouls]

I could never be happy in such a cruel world,
this planet is horrible,
humanity is the worst thing that ever happened to nature

 

[LostHighway]

Today I woke up at 3 PM. I will probably stay up till 10 or 11 AM then fall asleep and wake up at 2-4 pm once again.
Im on EST timing so it's 12:03 AM as I type this.

so yeh I would most likely be doing that. Im sort of worried about my brain. I feel slow when Im on low amounts of sleep lol.

Please look into bright light therapy upon awaking and dim amber light 3 hours before bed. try to stay off your devices as much as possible 2 hours before bed. If you happen to wake up before 2 pm, wear AMBER glasses. you shouldn't expose yourself to sunlight before your natural wake up time. take a microdose of melatonin .3 mg (not 3 mg) 5 to 7 hours before your natural sleep time. then, every week or two, try to fall asleep and wake up 15 minutes earlier. I've researched this for years. It's hard to do but it's really the only real way to phase advance your circadian rhythm. Hopefully if/when you have a better sleep schedule, you can gradually sleep longer.

 

[LastNite]

Please look into bright light therapy upon awaking and dim amber light 3 hours before bed. try to stay off your devices as much as possible 2 hours before bed. If you happen to wake up before 2 pm, wear AMBER glasses. you shouldn't expose yourself to sunlight before your natural wake up time. take a microdose of melatonin .3 mg (not 3 mg) 5 to 7 hours before your natural sleep time. then, every week or two, try to fall asleep and wake up 15 minutes earlier. I've researched this for years. It's hard to do but it's really the only real way to phase advance your circadian rhythm. Hopefully if/when you have a better sleep schedule, you can gradually sleep longer.

I'll actually put that in a notepad, thank you. I would love to try it out and see if it works. Thank you again. Wishing you the best!

 

[Mistergeburt]

I actually don't know. Somehow I've never truly felt happy, but somehow I always have hope and I'm getting teased. There are always thoughts in the back of my mind that destroy happy moments. I feel overwhelmed I think. Overwhelmed by the world and the responsibility. Working, maintaining relationships, getting up every day, etc.. I'm tired and exhausted, I need a break and I need to be taken care of.

But honestly, I think I might be always lying to myself here instead of addressing the real problem: my mind.
First I thought: "When I'm in a community, I will be happy" - wasn't the case.
Followed by: "When I'm liked by enough people, I will be happy" - nope, my mind also just says "how can you be sure they like you?"
Then: "When I have a girlfriend, I will be happy" - certainly makes me happy in some moments, but again, my mind can't enjoy the moment fully.
Then: "When I have a break from everything, it'll be better" - actually made it worse; more alone-time with my thoughts, so less distractions from my negativity.
Now: "When I move out and when I'm financially stable, I will be happy" - probably not...

There are 2 ways to go about it for me: Keep suffering from/for hope or ending it as I don't believe my mind is fixable.
I've given myself a reason to live that is independent of my suffering and that is to help other people, make their lives better or potentially just do anything good in the world. It feels like I'm not even capable of doing that when I'm not even able to deal with my own shit. But somehow people keep telling me that I've made an impact, but that is hard to believe - probably just my mind playing tricks on me again. And as long as I get the reassurance I'm doing something good, I try to keep going (although I don't believe them, but who am I to judge - I know, I can't trust my own thoughts)

Sorry for writing so much, probably just a lot of non-sense no one can relate with I keep oversharing...

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I feel dissatisfied with life in general. I will probably never truly feel happy. Lifelong trauma, chronic illnesses, and a very dysfunctional, neglectful family are the main causes for my misery. People outside of my family have also been rather cruel to me as well, which has led me to distrust others as a result.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

Because he isn't with me

 

[sotomie]

Anhedonia. I can still remember what happiness used to feel like, but nothing excites me enough to chase it anymore, and even the things I once loved now feel emotionally flat.

 

[Charly]

Autism. I can't do basically anything, highly struggle to follow instructions. Slight cognitive impairment. I can't appreciate a film or a book because can't follow the plot, can't study a manual because can't connect dots as well. I can't relate to others due to similar reasons. All those small seemingly trivial things contribute to create the hell i daily live in, and the shame and desire to hide that follows.

 

[unluckysadness]

The list of my issues is too long. I lost everything, that's all.

 

[never mind me]

Because it is so frustrating to be barely able to speak and if I speak it's always painful and even if I avoid speaking altogether I have a sore throat most of the time. I just hope that I can somehow find a doctor who is able to find out what's wrong with me and help me.

 

[Live_Life55]

Anhedonia. I can still remember what happiness used to feel like, but nothing excites me enough to chase it anymore, and even the things I once loved now feel emotionally flat.

Did you take any meds?

I feel the same after low Ativan use. Zero pleasure and joy in anything

The list of my issues is too long. I lost everything, that's all.

Same. Switzerlands program is the only way out ..

 

[skyunderthesea]

Partially just genetics. I don't think I have ever been happy, even as a little kid. Partially circumstances. I want a life with someone who hates me, for good reason. I'm a fuck up.

Same as me. I've been depressed ever since I was 8, but then a lot of awful things happened to me that I repressed for years and it's all hitting me now and I don't know how to cope.

 

[nayomi]

i am happy but very pain averse

 

[moriix]

I actually don't know. Somehow I've never truly felt happy, but somehow I always have hope and I'm getting teased. There are always thoughts in the back of my mind that destroy happy moments. I feel overwhelmed I think. Overwhelmed by the world and the responsibility. Working, maintaining relationships, getting up every day, etc.. I'm tired and exhausted, I need a break and I need to be taken care of.

sometimes I wish someone would just swoop in and take care of everything for me life is incredibly exhausting, and it is even more exhausting when you have a brain that you always have to fight with.

But honestly, I think I might be always lying to myself here instead of addressing the real problem: my mind.
First I thought: "When I'm in a community, I will be happy" - wasn't the case.
Followed by: "When I'm liked by enough people, I will be happy" - nope, my mind also just says "how can you be sure they like you?"
Then: "When I have a girlfriend, I will be happy" - certainly makes me happy in some moments, but again, my mind can't enjoy the moment fully.
Then: "When I have a break from everything, it'll be better" - actually made it worse; more alone-time with my thoughts, so less distractions from my negativity.
Now: "When I move out and when I'm financially stable, I will be happy" - probably not...

oh, are you me? none of the goals I have attained had ever made me happy in the way I thought they would. makes it really hard to strive for anything in life when I know that my brain just won't generate the chemicals I need regardless... i hate that cliche saying but happiness is really all in the brain. i constantly see people in much worse life situations than me being a thousand times happier. a lobotomy would save me

There are 2 ways to go about it for me: Keep suffering from/for hope or ending it as I don't believe my mind is fixable.
I've given myself a reason to live that is independent of my suffering and that is to help other people, make their lives better or potentially just do anything good in the world. It feels like I'm not even capable of doing that when I'm not even able to deal with my own shit. But somehow people keep telling me that I've made an impact, but that is hard to believe - probably just my mind playing tricks on me again. And as long as I get the reassurance I'm doing something good, I try to keep going (although I don't believe them, but who am I to judge - I know, I can't trust my own thoughts)

im starting to think we might be the same person. lol. this is exactly my reason to keep going, too, i love helping people and it is the only thing that gives my life some meaning. that, and my art. how have you been pursuing that? I've been volunteering and thinking of trying for a career that will be helpful to humanity. the depressive episodes make committing to this really hard, though...

Sorry for writing so much, probably just a lot of non-sense no one can relate with I keep oversharing...

i relate a lot also, im pretty sure this forum was kind of made for oversharing, so it's all good. people can post stuff here that they aren't able to say anywhere else which is why I really like SaSu.

 

[FuneralCry]

That doesn't make any sense to me, there is no such thing as happiness in existing rather existence is the exact opposite, to suffer in this existence is the most torturous abomination and I'll just always see existence as a mistake that only ever tortures existing beings all for the sake of it, it's just so terrible how humans impose this existence at all and just cause all this terrible, dreadful suffering as a result.

For me non-existence is just all that's positive in this existence that is just waiting to die that only ever causes all this suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured and I'll just always find it so deeply undesirable to exist in every way. All I want is to never suffer again, I just want this terrible, torturous existence to be all gone, forgotten and erased, it's just so horrible how a human can be tortured in this existence for decades longer just for one to face the terrible extreme agony of old age.