Why aren't you doing it right now?

[Retched]

I don't have full trust in any method available to me.
But I suffered lots of pain before so stuff like hanging should be fine and accessible.

I am afraid of death.

But most importantly I am afraid of giving up opportunity. I don't want this to have been all for nothing. All my life I have been "nice" and worked hard and tried to please people.. for nothing.
If I had known how this goes I would have been an asshole much sooner.

If I had a shotgun I would probably be dead already. A trigger is just too convenient.

I will soon see if having access to a gun is easier or if I just end up with a expensive purchase that I never use. Not a shotgun, but a revolver....We will see, we will see.

 

[Wastedlife]

because i dont have a gun

 

[borntodie777]

I ask myself that everyday. It's been almost 6 months since I first seriously started considering suicide as an option, then from August to early October I checked out various methods. I used to live in Chicago back in August and there weren't any train lines near me that went through foresty or isolated area, almost all the lines were set in public spaces.

Then I tried partial suspension but that was too painful/inconvenient and I never passed out. Did get a pounding headache and nausea though.

Then drank 5 bottles of vodka in 4 hours to kill myself from intoxication, again nothing happened.

Now I am back at my parent's and they won't leave me the hell alone. But truth be told I was being lazy.. all I need is 1-2 hours and I should be able to off myself

 

[BjartNO]

I said I was going to wait after Christmas/New Years. I have everything ready and prepared... Starting to run out of excuses here.

 

[BjartNO]

Then drank 5 bottles of vodka in 4 hours to kill myself from intoxication, again nothing happened.

I've had bad hangovers, but that one must have been really bad.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Ctb is partially an emotional task and partially logistical one.
Jumping off a roof is easy, knowing what roof to jump from is difficult.

Me specifically? I'm alive partially thanks to this site - the feeling I'm not alone, navigating a sea of liquid manure.
I'm fighting for a surgery. If that works out and all is well, I'll be postponing the act by 30-40 years. The "you have so much to live for <3" works only for healthy people. I'm not a healthy person.
If the surgery doesn't work? Well, this place gave me a lot of reading material - I'm a coward and don't want my death to be painful and long.
Drinking a gallon of bleach works in theory, but only if you ignore the taste and the vomiting, and the god-knows-what-else. And, of course, there's a big chance of survival.

Ctb is easy. Ctb properly isn't.

 

[DeadlyLiving]

I don't really know if I am waiting for anything to happen so I can say that I am fully ready and that I wouldn't have any regrets, but what's keeping my alive at the moment is that I am the only person my dog and my cat have. My dog has had my mom as "closest person" but now that she is taking drugs only very rarely at home for months, I am the only person my dog has left. My dog has very bad separation anxiety and even when I feel like running away, I just see her eyes and hear her whining I can't do it.
I'd also feel bad for my grandma but even though it feels weird to say that, I don't think I would still be here if that would be the only reason. I have a good relationship to her but she isn't depending on me, even though I knew it would probably break her heart if I die.

 

[borntodie777]

I've had bad hangovers, but that one must have been really bad.

It was, I puked for 5-6 hours and I had a pounding headache. I was feeling weak and feverish for the next 5-6 days and had a bad stomach ache, must've shot my liver completely.

Would not recommend it, especially because it doesn't work and causes more issues.

 

[borntodie777]

I said I was going to wait after Christmas/New Years. I have everything ready and prepared... Starting to run out of excuses here.

Same, I was supposed to hang myself on 31st but here I am.

 

[Rsuicidal]

I need my notes done and where I feel it explains enough. I need another payday to afford one thing for my method. I need it to be a day I know no one will be around for saving me.
My plan was mid January but it is being pushed back for these reasons

 

[Politecat]

Getting tickets. I'm not hesitating, screw it I'll livestream it. Bet!

 

[Smashingairwaves]

I do believe most of the people here are suicidal. I also believe a lot of people here will never go through with it. I hope they find the help they need. I haven't done it because firstly I had no idea how to do it. That sounds stupid, but when you're so depressed and tired you have no motivation. Plus I never knew where to look. I am now waiting as I recently had surgery, and am currently moving house. I can't buy anything as it'll go to the wrong address. I finally move Friday and plan on buying everything within the next two weeks. Will probably attempt (and succeed) in January sometime, if not early February

 

[borntodie777]

Ctb is partially an emotional task and partially logistical one.
Jumping off a roof is easy, knowing what roof to jump from is difficult.

Me specifically? I'm alive partially thanks to this site - the feeling I'm not alone, navigating a sea of liquid manure.
I'm fighting for a surgery. If that works out and all is well, I'll be postponing the act by 30-40 years. The "you have so much to live for <3" works only for healthy people. I'm not a healthy person.
If the surgery doesn't work? Well, this place gave me a lot of reading material - I'm a coward and don't want my death to be painful and long.
Drinking a gallon of bleach works in theory, but only if you ignore the taste and the vomiting, and the god-knows-what-else. And, of course, there's a big chance of survival.

Ctb is easy. Ctb properly isn't.

Ctb isn't ctb if you don't catch the bus eh?

And yeah from the news reports that I have read, bleach isn't very effective for suicide. It just burns your stomach and intestines which will cause even more complications in the future and chances of throat cancer increase due to the damaged esophageal lining. Bleach doesn't kill people either and it's really hard to swallow

 

[none666]

Idk, i just wanted to make it through the end of the year so my family would have good memories of the holidays, but now idk what I'm waiting for. Every now and then i feel hope, like i could get my life together, and i press on a few more days, and crash again. I also need time to do it, since partial is my only reasonable option I'd need a couple hours and hopefully i can time a call to the police so that they get to my body instead of my parents, preventing them that trauma.

 

[dysfunctional]

I ask myself that everyday. It's been almost 6 months since I first seriously started considering suicide as an option, then from August to early October I checked out various methods. I used to live in Chicago back in August and there weren't any train lines near me that went through foresty or isolated area, almost all the lines were set in public spaces.

Then I tried partial suspension but that was too painful/inconvenient and I never passed out. Did get a pounding headache and nausea though.

Then drank 5 bottles of vodka in 4 hours to kill myself from intoxication, again nothing happened.

Now I am back at my parent's and they won't leave me the hell alone. But truth be told I was being lazy.. all I need is 1-2 hours and I should be able to off myself

Faaaack, similar situation here

 

[borntodie777]

Faaaack, similar situation here

I know right, I mean I feel like a burden to my parents and they keep me in a prison, trying to get me to study and just get a job and move on but without freedom to find my own path I just can't become independent

I've just lost all hope seriously, killing myself is the only option I have

 

[Gray Wounds]

I'm not doing it right now because I am still in the process of analyzing the chances of me not being locked in a place where my mind is. I do not know if I'll succeed. I never stopped trying but my attempts tired of me. If I ever end up just in a coma, I'll never forgive myself for I do not know what else is hidden inside this dark tower where I will be confined.

 

[stellabelle]

Why are you procrastinating?

I'm not. I actually had this mentality and asked myself the same question before a near-successful OD. I still need to purchase SN, so when I'm ready, I can take it and depart this world.

Why are you coming up with all these well-thought out excuses?
No excuses here - there are a few things going on, but nothing significant enough to stop it. Everything will be better off after my departure.

Why are you always putting it off for a day, a week, a month, a year?
I'm not. But some folks aren't ready, want a bit more time to prepare, or have a few things they'd like to do before leaving.

Why are you always "hoping" to CTB?
Actually, I hoped the bus would mow me down, but alas this is not the case.

Each situation Is unique. This isn't a one-size-fits-all scenario.

 

[Astrid]

I wish I had someone to motivate me to do it, all that is keeping me back is guilt

 

[I am ___________]

....you aren't and that's the thing. Just do it. Why are you procrastinating?
Why are you coming up with all these well-thought out excuses?
Why are you always putting it off for a day, a week, a month, a year?
Why are you always "hoping" to CTB?

Heck, you shouldn't hope, you should do it! Don't say "I'm going to try to CTB tomorrow" You should say "I'm going to CTB tomorrow!"
It won't matter if you CTB next week or next week, what matters is that you CTB now while you can!

If you keep thinking like this you will stay forever trapped here. And that also goes for me because only now have I realized this.

I agree 100%, that is why I will not waste my time. I have waited for far too long, I cannot wait anymore. I will find out a reliable and lethal method and I will execute it. While I still have the money and the rent for my apartment is payed I will end it, the future is only looking even more grim and I do not want to be around to see it. I don't give a shit what my family will think, I will be finally doing something for myself that I want. And what I want is out.

 

[borntodie777]

The slight possibility of failure scares me from attempting it. I intend to go by partial suspension but I've read that partial doesn't work all the time.

The last thing I want is my controlling parents controlling my life even more

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

Awuhrrr I'm too scared of temporal consequences as well as what may be on the other side I don't know ><

 

[stellabelle]

Awuhrrr I'm too scared of temporal consequences as well as what may be on the other side I don't know ><

I'm hoping for aliens, intergalactic travel, and haunting. Haunting sounds nice.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

Your avatar is cracking me up for some reason!

Yeah me too xDX

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I'm hoping for aliens, intergalactic travel, and haunting. Haunting sounds nice.

I hope it's something fun <3 Yeah awuhrr >< <3

 

[borntodie777]

Awuhrrr I'm too scared of temporal consequences as well as what may be on the other side I don't know ><

There probably is nothing on the other side. I can't wrap my head around suicidal people going to hell. Seems like a stupid move. If you don't like suffering just quit.

I think religions in general are masochistic in nature, they need suffering,pain, fear of punishment so they can feel safer with the existence of a made up god.

There is no god, there is genetics and there is ability to imitate. Successful people have good genetics and have the ability to imitate their peer groups so they can blend in better. Once you are part of the nameless,faceless horde.. their problems are yours and yours are theirs.

There is no greater relief than realizing the fact that you are not alone, either in joy or sadness. When hundred other people do and believe what you do, it is comforting.

And then there are others who are left out for one reason or other and never really manage to quite catch up with the peer groups, not to mention have bad genetics that excludes them from blending in successfully

Man this rant went longer than I expected it to go

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

There probably is nothing on the other side. I can't wrap my head around suicidal people going to hell. Seems like a stupid move. If you don't like suffering just quit.

I think religions in general are masochistic in nature, they need suffering,pain, fear of punishment so they can feel safer with the existence of a made up god.

There is no god, there is genetics and there is ability to imitate. Successful people have good genetics and have the ability to imitate their peer groups so they can blend in better. Once you are part of the nameless,faceless horde.. their problems are yours and yours are theirs.

There is no greater relief than realizing the fact that you are not alone, either in joy or sadness. When hundred other people do and believe what you do, it is comforting.

And then there are others who are left out for one reason or other and never really manage to quite catch up with the peer groups, not to mention have bad genetics that excludes them from blending in successfully

Man this rant went longer than I expected it to go

Yeah I'm almost more afraid of reincarnation now than Hell but either way would suck >< I want out when I'm done whenever it is <3 And nah it's okay I feel you I'm quite awkward in real life and alone because of said awkwardness but in another way I'm good <3 *flips on my head* Ah yeah ><

 

[Final Escape]

im confident i will ctb within the next 20 years

Lol! God I hope this won't be me.

 

[borntodie777]

Lol! God I hope this won't be me.

If someone's willing to wait 20 years for ctb they might as well start living their life to the fullest

 

[borntodie777]

Yeah I'm almost more afraid of reincarnation now than Hell but either way would suck >< I want out when I'm done whenever it is <3 And nah it's okay I feel you I'm quite awkward in real life and alone because of said awkwardness but in another way I'm good <3 *flips on my head* Ah yeah ><

Have courage, it's all about planning and making up your mind. You'd first have to decide if you think your life is worth living. You can ask for advice, you can read other's experiences but ultimately you and only you have to decide if you think you love your life and if it's worth continuing.

In the end we are just animals, like a pig or a deer.. no one gives a fuck when a pig dies, in logical terms it doesn't matter when a human dies either. Yes your loved ones will mourn your loss, some normies will cry a bit but they don't have to life your life, you do.

If you are suffering and think it's not worth it anymore, feel free to do what you feel is right. Either improve or commit suicide.

You have more courage than you realize, most people do.