Why are you suicidal ? (main reason - poll)

[unluckysadness]

Why are you suicidal ? Thanks for your answers

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm mostly just tired of being alive and I don't like existing. That's pretty much it

 

[deletednumber]

I live with a toxic family that I hate deeply,i am completely alone and i have noone I could go to for some help,I suffere of severe depression that keeps me cycling stuck in this forever loop with no escape.

 

[darksouls]

chronic physical pain

 

[eupdplishlp]

my parents were abused by their parents. they have no emotianl awareness or understanding. at the same time my mother bubbled me trying to protect me from the world which is nice but means i'm still learning to probelm solve until today.

 

[starboy2k]

the fact that I was able to check 7 different boxes on this poll…..yea I'm definitely ready to go

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I just don't have a place in society or a passion I can pursue, that means my whole life is going to be spent at home doing nothing watching TV. No thanks, I'd rather end it.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Depression, financial issues (never be able to afford a house, retire, etc.), I don't hate my job, but it doesn't make me want to get up in the morning, loneliness, just tired.

Loneliness-
I've been pretty lonely for a long time. I made my first real friend in highschool. I've always felt like a social reject. Too loud, hyperactive and annoying in the beginning; too quiet and boring in the end.
I had a boyfriend but he broke up with me because he fell out of love with me. I want a partner more than anything now, but that's a pipe dream, so fuck this.

I'm just tired, man. Listening to the negative thoughts day in and day out, being rejected for friendship and love, not having any real hobbies, unable to keep a conversation, having no passion or drive. Why am I waking up every morning? What am I trying to accomplish? Anhedonia is kicking my ass right now. I'm just so tired.

 

[EquinoxAlchemist]

I don't remember why. I guess I've always been tired. I mean my first plan was when i was around nine and always wanted to jump in front of a car. I knew it was to get out of the situation i was in, it was to go away myself. Don't know if i was actually aware of that id die. I never pulled through and always hated myself for it because i was scared. And because I feared CPS would come and take away my siblings if i did it. Not sure how i knew about cps back then.

 

[ma0]

Well, when your continued day to day life consists of sitting in a room doing sweet fuck all, despite wishing you could do so much more, it's very hard to feel fulfilled...

 

[CumbriaCTB]

I'm not sure if you meant to enable multiple choices on the poll. I picked three (Mental Health, Loneliness, & Trauma) but, really, the latter two fall under the umbrella of the former so my sole answer, if the poll wasn't multi-choice, would be "Mental Health" in general for this reason.

For me, those three answers I ticked off pretty much form a vicious cycle. First, I was abused growing up and therefore grew up with trauma which severely affected my ability to form healthy connections with other people or even just act "normal" around others. Naturally, this leads to conflict and rejection which then turns to loneliness: not only worsening my mental health but also denying me a support network for recovery. Conflict with others can also be traumatic in of itself; this additonal trauma, and my worsening mental health, then makes me more prone to interpersonal conflict in the future and starts the cycle all over again.

After a few runs of this cycle by the time I turned 10, it's no wonder that my suicidal ideation began when I was around that age.

 

[LadyPoulenc]

For me, it's the climate crisis. I can't even look at the weather without wanting to kill myself. It's almost surreal to me, the fact that others aren't suicidal about such a hopeless scenario. The world is collapsing around me, and I see no other option than the crumpled up bus ticket in my hand.

 

[elaineparks]

Health problems mixed with financial problems, lifelong depression and loneliness.

 

[CumbriaCTB]

For me, it's the climate crisis. I can't even look at the weather without wanting to kill myself. It's almost surreal to me, the fact that others aren't suicidal about such a hopeless scenario. The world is collapsing around me, and I see no other option than the crumpled up bus ticket in my hand.

Yeah, that's definitely a big reason for a lot of people and it would certainly get a lot of votes if it were included as an option on the poll.

Here in Britain, we are currently experiencing our third heatwave this year despite heatwaves previously occuring less than once per year: a freak calamity has now become a normality yet nobody seems to notice or care. Plus they're getting hotter year-on-year. It makes me wonder: what's the point in getting better if the world is just going to get worse?

 

[Hystearical]

Autism

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I have one of the most insufferable mental disorders. :p

 

[SilentSadness]

More than anything, for such a long time I have been severely lonely, I hate most people and the way they treat others, and this world is so different to what I would want. The only way for me to be happy would be to live permanently in my fantasy.

 

[Fall_Apart]

I think I was a misfit who at some point masqueraded as a "normal" person. But this ruse was useless because I harbored negative thoughts about existence and the purpose of life. Then everything got worse over the course of my shitty life. Job failures, financial problems, cancer, and the reawakening of suicidal thoughts. Furthermore, I can't accept human misery; I hate most people, and now all I want to do is isolate myself until my final departure.

 

[Droso]

Gender dysphoria and alienation.

 

[easyb123]

Money. I chose wrong & ruined my life. I trusted & married the wrong man. He didn't want me to work when we got married (red flag for the abusive hell to come) soon there was nothing about my life he didn't control. After (an undisclosed.. but long) period of time of managing the home and helping with his business, I divorced. He & his family have money - I had no chance.

No work experience/ no reference - I have a giant gap for a resume. I can't even get an interview with that. My small settlement money fr the divorce is running out & trauma therapy is a luxury I can't afford so ptsd fr the marriage while already diagnosed, goes untreated. I can't forgive myself for trusting someone like that. The havoc it's wreaked on my life has been absolute. I don't know how to date when I can't trust my own judgment of people and when even a man raising his voice to me or blocking a doorway triggers a full ptsd attack that can take hours to resolve.
When I'm out of money, my time is up. I have no options and now believe karma is a lie. I would just like to find relief: a real tangible means of a peaceful exit with some dignity.

 

[Rynalia]

Honestly, a mix of far too many factors.

Trauma from childhood, leading to developing an array of mental illnesses.

Physical problems stemming from injuries and losing the genetic lottery.

Other problems with regards to myself which can't be fixed.

Unstable and unpredictable family that never allows me to truly be at rest and feel secure.

Lack of executive control over majority of the aspects in my life.

Mixed messages and signals from everyone around me that no one wants or cares to clarify.

Expectations that aren't clearly defined that I have to navigate towards blindly, only to be punished for not meeting.

Arbitrary time limits and deadlines set on major life milestones that allow for little to no flexibility... Then being told that I should have taken the time to explore and figure out things.

Lack of personal direction, goals, aspirations as a result of many of the above.

Horrendous luck with people I meet (e.g. getting backstabbed, people trying to manipulate me, people trying to use me, ulterior motives all over).

My own instability that has caused me to go nuclear and burn bridges with anyone I have ever had even the slightest positive feelings towards.

The list keeps going on and it makes me sick just thinking about it.

I've just grown so tired of this game.

 

[TAW122]

I selected multiple things both physical and mental issues, financial problems (not financially independent), toxic family relations (tied to the previous problem - because if not financial issues I could have moved out but sadly I'm not), overall just tired of the grind of existence as well as wage slaving, and finally personal issues and wants that I cannot fulfill to the degree I wish to, thus shit life and not worth it. In the end though, if and when I do CTB down the road, I'd want people to focus less on why and just respect my decision since that's the most important aspect of one's self determination.

 

[BlockHammer]

Well my country had a crisis of employment, even bachelor degree had a hard time to found a job if you arent exceptional/didn't have a connection! I tried for almost 3 years and it hasn't change my conditioned. Also, i don't want to diagnosed myself, but i think i had an adhd problem! It's hard for me to focus on something,it hinder my progress to learn new skill, so i can increase my probability to got a job.

 

[eggsausagerice]

my finances are fucked since i rely completely on my mom. thinking about getting a job makes me anxious because i think i might get fired for being inept at following orders or acting normal, and then i would have to go job hunting again after that even though looking for a job is already so hard. i hate relying on my mom for money because it makes me feel like nothing i own is really mine and i'm just a kid.

i also miss my friend who moved away a lot. even though he could see me, things don't feel the same because he doesn't seem to have time for me or wants to see me anymore. i feel like he would rather just be in the city than be back in town again because he doesn't like visiting his parents that much after living with them for so long. i always think it's better if i cut myself out of my life if i'm so depressed but i also know he still wants to talk to me. i stopped having someone to hang out with the moment he left because i don't see my other friends as often. i break down when i'm alone for too long.

 

[diopdawe]

I lost my job and career that I loved. I lost my career because of anxiety attacks and depression. Now i am more depressed due to the fact that i lost my job...

 

[Alexandra_]

Three reasons. The main one is a physical illness that torments me day and night. I don't want to exist like this. Why is this happening to me?

 

[promise.i.tried]

Physical illness. I hate my body and the medication I am on makes me look worse. Clinical depression. Even if I can try overlook those, I cannot seem to do anything right. I don't feel like I belong in this world. Everyone seems to be thriving while I struggle everytime, with everything. I mess up good things and I'm certain that everyone will be better off without me. My mom will not have to to deal with my medical costs any longer, I will not hurt people anymore.

 

[Who_I_Am]

Very much similar to me.
So in the end it no one's fault, but that doesn't make life any easier.
I've learned how to solve everyday problems (get some food, do some job, pay the bills), but I struggle to connect to people and make any big decisions.

my parents were abused by their parents. they have no emotianl awareness or understanding. at the same time my mother bubbled me trying to protect me from the world which is nice but means i'm still learning to probelm solve until today.

 

[polm]

Chronic pain and disability no treatments

 

[FuneralCry]

My wish to cease existing is a result of this dreadful, torturous existence, it's a result of being burdened with this existence I always saw as a mistake that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there were never a need for with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, it's all just so terrible to me and I wish I never suffered more than anything, for me non-existence is all that's positive.

Only non-existence can bring me the relief I search for from this terrible, dreadful existence of unnecessary suffering and I'd just always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence just waiting to die anyway, I find it so deeply undesirable to exist and I see existence as an abomination that just causes harm and suffering torturing existing beings until non-existence takes away all anyway, I always wish to erase this existence so it's like I never suffered at all, I wish for no more pain and no more suffering, I find it terrifying how a human can suffer for so long just to die in agony from old age, I'd just never wish to exist rather all I want is some peace.